Money stress and retirement concerns are common in blended families, especially when one partner handles most of the finances. Conflicts can arise over spending, priorities, and free time, making everyday life feel tense even in otherwise happy households.
Hey Bright Side!
So here’s the deal: I (58M) am about a year away from retiring. My wife (46F) has two teenagers from a previous marriage, 14M and 16F. Great kids, but they’re rarely home before 8 p.m. One has soccer, the other theater, and they spend half the week at their dad’s place. Most nights it’s just me and her. For context, I’ve been the one paying all the bills since we got married.
I don’t mind that, I love her, I love the kids, but retirement is creeping up, and I’ve been stressing like crazy about money. Things are already tighter than I’d like. So the other night, I gently suggested that maybe she could pick up a part-time job. Nothing insane, just something to help out a little bit since she does have a lot of free time during the day. She actually said she’d “think about it,” which I thought was a good sign.
Maybe she got the new bag for her new job she plans on getting.. Maybe he should look at it as it may be the last thing he buys for her.. Since she's younger and he's fixing to retire and she's going to have a job now.. Maybe it's him she'll kick to the curb since her suggested she get a job and that one person stated that the husband should do the same with her and her 2 kids .
Fast forward literally, the very next day, my head boiled when I saw she walked in with a designer handbag, insisting it was “a timeless purchase.” Like, full-on bougie label, and we are not talking cheap. I asked her what that was about, and she just smiled and said it was a “timeless purchase.” I swear, I could feel my blood pressure spike.
Here I am, I’m crunching numbers for retirement, and she buys a designer bag, calling it a “timeless investment.” I can’t get past how careless it looks. And I’m questioning whether I came on too strong, or if she’s the one being completely unreasonable here. What do you guys think, am I being controlling, or is she being out of touch with reality here?
Thank you in advance,
Jack.
Thank you for sharing your story, Jack! We know it’s not easy to talk about money and family stuff so openly. We pulled together some pieces of advice, not as perfect answers, but as thoughts a good friend might share. Hopefully, a few of them give you a different angle or at least make you feel less alone in this.
While money and marriage can be tricky, these conversations can also bring couples closer when handled with care. With patience and teamwork, financial stress can turn into an opportunity to build a stronger future together.
Can I just say how false the article title is?
No where did this man "demand" anything. He also didn't say that he thinks parenting isn't a full-time job. His problem isn't even entirely that his wife doesn't have a (paying) job.
He simply stated that she does have the time to get a part-time (paying) job, since the kids are older and aren't home often. His real problem is the bag.
Honestly, I would have a problem with the bag too. He literally told her about his money concerns and she responded by buying an expensive designer object that she did not need.
As someone who lives on a tight budget and has a family member who constantly blows money pulling stunts like this, it's annoying (and no, he (family member) doesn't have the money to spend).
So, Brightside, you may want to fix your title. Because this man did nothing wrong and is not the bad guy.
don't forget "fast forward literally to the next day." you fast forward a significant time span, not the next day.
Way to completely miss the mark
I agree he did nothing wrong
He is not the bad guy here, if anything I see lack of communication between all parties involved
If she doesn't work how does she pay for things? Do you share a bank account?
With the age difference, insurance on her until she gets to Medicare could easily be 150,000 dollars. A job that would cover her insurance could make or break your finances. I know a couple that farms. Wife went to work where they both have full coverage. She brings home less than 50.dollars a MONTH.. She loses money after travel expenses, but it saved the farm when he had major surgery and cancer treatments.. You need to consider more than just extra spending money. Heath problems come with age. It's just a fact of life. Health insurance would be my main financial concern right now. Prepare accordingly or your life plans could be ruined. Just my opinion.
As a woman, it cracks me up when men marry or a date a woman 10+ years younger then them, then are flabbergasted to find out she might be a gold digger. Well no ish Sherlock. Guys don't actually believe women find older men sexually attractive do they? We don't. Theres no way a 46 yo finds an almost 60yo attractive. Its gross. Im 41 and there is no way a man that much older is touching me. Most women who date men so much older are looking for financial security, not love and romance. Notice that financially secure women who already have their life together aren't dating older men. Unfortunately most of the men dating younger women lack maturity and dont have the greatest personality. Thats why they only have money to offer, and financially secure women their own age don't want to date them. Gents, if you use cheese, you're gonna get rats.
You are a real piece of s#*^ if you think women can't be attracted to a older man without money being involved . It's unfortunate older men don't find you worthy. Maybe you are the cheese, and I mean the smelly kind
This may come as a SHOCK Carol, but maybe you just AREN'T ALL THAT, hence no interest from "OLD MEN". If you ever give anyone a chance based on, oh, I don't know, CHARACTER or PERSONALITY or INTELLIGENCE and NOT THEIR BANK ACCOUNT, you would find some VERY COOL PEOPLE. My last husband was 28 years older than me and although we had issues he always worked, as did I, and I was the one with the money. When I got too ill to work he took care of me. Without complaint or regret and When I got better I stayed with him until he passed away. THAT IS LOVE, not AN OLD MAN & A YOUNG LADY.
WoW I am 64 and look 50. I still beat out all the younger girls at work who are 30 or younger. They are ALL overweight. ALL
Open a new bank account in just your name have all direct deposits put in there make all bills automatically withdrawn from that account. Cancel all credit cards order new ones sent to you somewhere she won't get them first. After all bills are paid and groceries are bought divide what is left in half put half back for emergencies divide the other half in half again give her one half and tell her that is all she has to spend because you are getting ready for retirement without having to file bankruptcy.
Damn that makes a whole lot of sense 😎
Either take the purse back or sell it on line. It's YOUR purse YOU paid for it. Get a spine as you are nothing more then an ATM!!!
Who doesn't work in 2025? I mean to each his own but this isn't the 50's men working with no help from their partner is part of the reason men die early to much of a heavy load to carry alone.
Your wife is not a mind reader, sir. Suggesting to your wife that she *might* think about getting a part time job is not the same as having a direct conversation about tightening the budget to prepare for retirement. This really sounds like a lack of clear communication. You and the wife need to sit down and talk about your thoughts, fears, expectations and ideas regarding retirement (and budget!).
You better be careful when it comes to making threats about money now. Because retirement and social security can be considered an asset in divorce court, and if she can make it look like you're financially abusing her because you controlled all the assets during your marriage you will have to pay her alimony out of that retirement. Not to mention again because she never worked they will use that against you in divorce court for alimony.
