I Excluded My DIL’s Son From Our Theme Park Trip

I kinda understand the gradma's POV, all she wanted was some quality time with her grandson, and the mother kinda made her son tag along.... it can be frustrating

As an adopted child, I know first hand about how parents and family will choose their own over the one that is not blood. It's not fair to the child that is not blood because it makes them feel they are not wanted. My birth mother, had a cousin where I lived with my adopted mother. Whenever my birth mothers cousin would come and take me out for anything my brother would be right there with us. Getting equal measure of what I received. Where my brothers paternal side of the family was concerned, I would get something but never as much. I never felt as loved.

I am at the age now where I could soon be a grandfather. My eldest son was to have become a father, but sadly that didn't happen. I don't know anything about the loss of a child but I would believe that it would hurt deeply, so for now they plan to foster. Seeing that this child(ren) is/are not of my blood, should I love him/her/them any less? When giving gifts should this child be excluded?

Knowing what I know growing up the way I did, I would and could never do that to any child!

Yeah Granny you were wrong to think that way. My extended fam has bonus Kidz in it & we treat them all the same as the biokidz. If your DiL truly had a work emergency (by your own admission she rushed off to work) it only made sense to take both kidz to your place since she was already taking the 1 kid there. If you could pay the neighbor to watch the bonus GS you could of paid his way at the amusement park (tho DiL could of given you money for the older kid) As for Sonnyboy, his marriage was already skating if all it took was careless action by his MOTHER to get him tossed on the curb. Tell him to lawyer up & get co-custody of his kid, & then you won't have to deal with the soon to be ex-bonus kid again

And yet she's going to be so surprised when she ends up alone in the old folks home

DIL and her child are your family now; your son is the stepfather to that child, that means that child is also your family and family help each other out, especially when it comes to children. That child is your grandson's sibling, someone that is important to your grandson on many, many levels. The self-entitled attitude that this other child is none of your concern and a burden is callous and awful. Where is the empathy for a child - your family member - that needs help? Children are a privilege as well as a duty. Leaving that child with someone else when he has been entrusted to your care, is passive-aggressive, potentially dangerous and cruel. You have failed to show up for your son and his family. Grow up, take accountability, and be a proper adult and grandmother or don't be surprised when your son goes no contact and you lose all privilege to your grandchildren.

Its the "I'm not a free nanny and you child is not my concern" statement that did it for me. OP has to have know the 10 y/o for 8 years. OP is entitled to her crule opinion but that doesn't free her from the consequences of voicing said opinion. One of which is loss of access to her grandson. If she is so cold hearted she can't accept a child she know since he was a literal toddler those kids are better off not knowing her. There was a lot of blatant favoritism with my grandmother (even though we're all blood) and it took me YEARS and tons of money in therapy to work though how it effect me.

As a mom and stepmom, I welcome all the kids. I kinda of understand, but for the poster to be so cold, obviously dictsting the line between blood and non blood relatives. Imagine how the other child felt. Emergencies happen, it doesnt sound like this was a habit. I would have felt so hurt if I was DIL. I understand one on one time, and plans change. I am not certain of the true specifics here. Was this a one time thing? What was the work emergency? Its no wonder her own son wants to go no contact. Where is the love? Its a 10 yr old child, not a monster.

I wonder if when the older boys family takes him places and buy him things Mommy insists that the younger son being included. I would assume probably not because that's not his family. Just like Grandma is not the older boys grandmother. Her son married into that family she did not. And yes I am a stepchild, but not an entitled one that demanded things from other people's family. What my step siblings got from their grandmother is what they got from their grandmother just like they didn't expect to be entitled to the same things that I got from my grandparents.

I'm so confused. The son signed up for a blended family not his mother the GM. It's totally fine and good for the son to raise his stepson, but that is his peragative and his life. By extension his mother has no responsibility to the step-grand child. Regardless of the reasoning of the GM none of that is relevant. The mother was told no, and whatever her reasoning to disregard the GM wishes, is her problem. Folks are too entitled these days. And if she wants to take it out on the son her partner then that speaks more to her character than the GM.

This was a planned event for one grandson. Assuming the mother knew that, and the other child did have grandparents of his own, this was not on grandmother. Outings take time and money to plan and go to. Knowing this the mother still dropped off an additional child who was not planned for. This was wrong. However if you are calling the child who you say is not your concern your grandson then maybe there was a better way to word it. If the child heard that it could emotionally scar him. If your son and daughter in laws relationship was at the point where she could drop him like a hot potato there was already an issue to begin with. If you wish to keep in contact with your related grandson both you and your son are going to have to fight for this right. It will be hard but you will have to do it. Find a lawyer or convince them to do family therapy. From the sound of things you may want the lawyer either way as she will most likely be impossible to get ahold of.

Shame on you. Boy, I'm glad my stepfamily didn't treat me that way. I'm 64 and I'm still considered family.

I like how people on here are getting on someone that they know not enough about and acting like they would just take any child to an expensive place no matter what. You people need to get off it. Did the dil offer up any money to help? No one here knows all the financial details or anything else except the little bit we were able to read. Judge not people

NTA you had a special day planned w/ your grandson. It was something you were looking forward to. Even tho I probably would have made a special day w/ your grandson another day. Your son's being a jerk who doesn't appreciate what you do for him. That the DIL controls your son is sad that he didn't understand or hear your side of the story. They'll come crawling back when they need something. I'd say no to them. I'm suspicious of your DIL. I think she was trying to set you up. How's your relationship w/ her ? Is she jealous of the relationship you have w/ your son ?

Y'all are quick to judge grandma here, one we have no clue of the dynamics between the 2 women. Two grandma clearly stated she planned and saved for weeks for her and the 8 yr old. So, I would probably assume that grandma is on a fixed income like most elderly. Also, the DIL having an emergency at work is her problem not her MIL's. Should she have said what she said no BUT again we do t know the relationship between MIL and DIL. In this situation everyone sucks and it started with the DIL.

Not wrong. We don't have all the pieces of the puzzle. Nothing wrong with granny planning a special trip/day.
Maybe she's on a financial budget. Those parks aren't free. Maybe the other kid is scared of rides, scared of people. He could have potty issues we don't know about.
That mom/Karen should have gave dollars if she wanted her kid included in their day trip.
A long time ago grandparents could spoil kids everywhere. Now those grandparents are struggling as well.