I Refuse to Cancel My Birthday Dinner for My Sick Stepdaughter
I finally planned something nice for my birthday after years of barely celebrating, and then everything went sideways. My husband went out of town, and my stepdaughter got sick. I debated what to do and then chose my happiness.
Now, everyone thinks I’m the villain without even knowing my side of the story. I feel torn between guilt and frustration, and I honestly need an outside opinion.
Here’s what happened:
Hi Bright Side and anyone who might be reading this!
I’m Sophie, and this is my story where everyone is painting me out to be Cinderella’s stepmother without knowing all the details.
I’d been planning my birthday party for weeks. I booked a table at a fancy restaurant I’ve always wanted to try, sent out invites, and was really looking forward to it. I rarely ever do anything for myself, and I’d been feeling burned out and low, so this felt like a big deal.
A few days back, my stepdaughter, Annie (11), came over to stay with us. She doesn’t live with us full-time and comes over occasionally. Which I don’t really mind. She and I are not close, and she and her mom made it VERY clear from the beginning that I was NOT her mom. But, still, we have a respectful relationship.
Then my husband comes to me later and says that he needs to go on an urgent work trip and won’t be back for days. I was so shook. I was like, “What about my birthday? And more importantly, what about Annie? I can’t look after her full-time”.
He just said that it’s not that big of a deal, we can celebrate later, and that Annie will be just fine by herself. If needed, I can call her mom. Which made no sense to me because why couldn’t she just pick her daughter now? He said that she’s “busy with some work, which is why she dropped her off in the first place”. Uh. Okay...
Absolutely Not!!! It is not your responsibility to take care of his sick daughter or his daughter without asking, especially seeing she has a so called mother.
However, you were stuck with her then left her with a neighbor.. your awful
You didn't put your foot down with your husband and then when stuck your flee.
How about just accepting you got suckered, take care of the child then tell his wife and your husband off when he gets back
So. My husband left, and I was mad at him, so we didn’t talk much after. Annie and I were managing fine until the day of my birthday, when she woke up with a high fever. I panicked, honestly. I’ve never cared for a child alone. I called her mom several times for help, left a dozen texts, but she didn’t answer.
I didn’t know what to do. Part of me wanted to cancel right away, but another part of me was angry thinking, “I’ve been planning this for weeks, and everyone already arranged their schedules, totally ignoring me and my birthday.”
Are you out of your fricking mind to leave a sick child with a high fever by herself?! What if she had a seizure while you were gone? She may be contagious so you have been exposed and therefore potentially exposed your friends at your birthday party. SO NOT OK. Emergencies happen and this was one of them. Instead of taking her to urgent care you went off to celebrate your birthday. Your friends would have understood. If I was your husband I would be rethinking this marriage. Your lack of common sense and empathy is appalling and I wouldn't be comfortable sharing my life with someone so self centered.
I thought if I don’t value myself, no one will. Plus, my friends had rearranged their plans, and canceling last minute would have disappointed everyone. So I checked Annie’s temperature, gave her medicine, made sure she was comfortable, and set her up with water and a movie.
She told me to go and said she’d be okay for a few hours. I didn’t want to ruin my party, so I left. I asked my old neighbor to check up on Annie a couple of times, make sure she’s ok until her mom comes.
When I returned, I froze when I saw my husband hugging his ex-wife, who appeared to be sobbing. They turned to me, and my husband yelled at me, saying I was selfish and irresponsible for leaving a sick child alone, especially while he’s away. His ex-wife added that she will never let Annie come over again in a house that doesn’t love her, which made my husband more furious at me. They grabbed their daughter and left to see a doctor.
Thank you for reading so far and letting me vent. Was I really in the wrong here? I have never claimed to be responsible enough to care for a kid, and if these two are OH-SO-RESPONSIBLE, why did they leave her with me in the first place? Knowing I already had plans to go out? Make it make sense!
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Comments
Cool husband can get back together with his ex-wife and when they both have work responsibilities that apparently they consider more important than their child, because they both did which is why she was with you, they can fight with each other when she's sick.
I agree . Never mind the immediate issue; she should walk out on all three of them. They obviously want to be a family together. You're the odd man out, so get out.
You assuming that what she is saying is true. We need to hear both sides. Not everyone should be a parent and have patience . The woman said she isn't responsible to be a parent. Did she tell the father how she felt and don't want to help raise another woman's child . A person you meet with a child or children will effect your life. Along with the ex . So make sure you want to or ready to deal with the issues and drama that comes with it .
They need to make up their minds. Either you're a Mom to this as well or your not. And you're not then what happened is on them. Tell them in the future to keep her with them because you refuse to put your life on hold for a child that's not yours. If hubby can't except that find a good divorce lawyer and tell soon to be ex to go back to the child's mother.
Not sure why you were down voted because these are facts!!!
So an adult's bday is more important than a sick kid?? Gotcha, cool. Every adult is too busy for this poor kid. I feel sorry for the child
Seems like the actual Mom decided to wait to respond until she could blame someone else. It's not like she wasn't contacted
I don't think they planned on the child having a high fever, not sure how they could have, though I know that there are some ways to fake it. However, if the husband was on an "urgent"work trip, but was hugging his unreachable wife when she got home, it certainly sounds like SOMEONE planned to ruin this party. Also 11 years old is old enough to be left for a few hours if she only had a fever and was given meds for it. Besides urgent work trip or not she was not responsible for her and her parents being unavailable yet there together is just too coincidental to be believed. Something stinks here and it's not the stepmother this time.
If you can't leave an 11 yr old with a cold home while you go out for dinner you have failed as a parent. Good luck scraping them out of the basement at 25 when they don't pay a bill, know how to wash a dish, cook, or get a job.
I was babysitting a 5 and 2 yr old, on a secluded farm without a telephone, when I was 11 yrs old.
She did everything she could even having the neighbor check. The child is 11+I. I use to babysit at 12.
Ordinarily I would be in your corner. But 1, her Dad said to leave her, that she would be fine. 2, her Mom had to have looked at her phone. She knew her daughter was sick, but hey, she dumped her on her stepmother who is never to be her Mother. Staying home with a sick child in is her Mother's job. And 3, they both seem to leave and arrive at the same time. That stinks to high heavens. If the subject was raised before I finished packing my bags, I would ask where her concern was for her daughter when you barraged her with texts. Where was his concern when he said she was fine if she left her. She set her up with a movie, a drink and gave her medicine. The teen even told her to go, she would not have a problem with it. I would hire a PI, keep all the records you have such as your texts and file. Write an account from beginning to end. They set this up and I would not be their patsy.
You have two ways to deal with this, but the question is do you want to be with someone who tells you, you can't be too busy for his daughter who your not the mum of but he and the mum can be too busy for her? Id print out the messages and multiple phone calls leave them on the table then id tell him to leave and stay with his daughter as this isn't his home and he proved that by not only prioritising his work over you but more importantly over his own child using you as a free baby sitter. Then id file for divorce.
Your selfish. You NEVER LEAVE A SICK CHILD ALONE! take responsibility for your neglect. You're an adult...act like one. You didn't in this instance. Wow. You shouldn't own a goldfish.
If you can't leave an 11 year old with a cold home for 3 hours you have failed as a parent. Grow up, Karen.
While you go off and party? Maybe delay your birthday, you're old, nobody gives a crud about your sad birthdays. She's an evil selfish step mom. Only important person in the story is the 11 year old who is just treated as an inconvenience to all adults
Don't refer to her as "step mom" because she's not one. Just because she married daddy doesn't make her one especially when the real parents both tell her she has no part in raising this kid. You can't have it both ways. Plus pretty convenient that daddy got back from his "emergency " work TRIP at the same time mommy decided to show up. Things that make you go HMMMMM!🤔
Her parents should have been there. It’s funny how they magically appeared when she left. Even when he said he was out of town. The parents made it very clear to the birthday girl was not this girls mother. Oh and if you’re lucky you’ll get old one day - guess your birthdays won’t be important either.
Shes not step mum though that old cruddy crusty birth mum made that clear maybe the actual mum should have done her job amd crusty cruddy dad should ahve stayed home both parents failed miserably they made the child its their job id say the inky evil are the actual parents you know the ones who made her
Or, maybe, OLD mom and dad shoukd have taken care of THEIR child. Idk about anyone else, but I don't babysit for free. Being made clear that I DONT have any part as a mom, but being expected to act it, is called BABYSITTING. I charge 25 an hour for that mess.
She did all she could even having a neighbor checking on her for a couple of hours. The child told her to go & she would be fine. Sounds like a setup to me. You are extremely judgemental.
First it's you're...as in you are a moron. Second gold fish do really well it you feed them and leave them alone for a few hours. Third and finally you really should try to get your head outta that dark and smelly place. Most doctors recommend laxatives.
Husband is away for days but turns up with his ex. Maybe they are pulling wool over new wifes eyes
Yeah either the post is fake or there's something fishy with the husband and ex.
She did get coverage. Mom didn't respond at all.
This almost seems like NONE Of the adults cared enough in this situation. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t be shocked if he leaves you.
You can dislike my comment but it doesn’t change the facts. She made her priorities clear, and must now suffer the consequences whether you agree or not.
Comment disliked because you're a moron. It's an 11 year old, not a toddler. She should be able to be home by herself for an evening, know how to take bus to school, mall and friend's houses herself. If she needs someone there for 2 hours that's a parenting failure and should be treated as such.
That’s fine, but that’s now how that family sees it. A decision was made, and now there are results. Don’t like it? I’m sure calling people morons will fix ALL of your problems. 🙂
🤣🤣🤣the LITERAL dad said to leave her she'd be fine....
I would say every adult let her down if you want to go that route, but all of the three, she was the least culpable for not putting her first. Special project where she would not be there to see her Mom did not come home, business trip (right) and they are both magically there together and can take her to the doctor This stinks. They have made clear they are her parents. They failed her.
I hope she leaves him its his kid nit jers why everyone hating her it was made clear shes not step mum sounds like parents who made the kid using jer as free babysiiting
Wow ..time for a divorce. Kick his ass to the curb, his Ex is a piece of work. No motherly responsibilities...then why are you free childcare. It makes no sense to me. You are not selfish, her parents sure are.
Idk how I feel about this. Both bio mom and dad abandoned child just as much as step mom did. Bio mom was told child was sick and would be alone multiple times but didn't her pick up If my baby sitter called me and said she had to leave I feel like it would be my responsibility to get my child especially if she's sick. It doesn't make it okay to leave a sick child but I feel like they are passing their guilt.
WOW. Not a single person is understanding that she tried multiple times to contact the child's MOTHER who already knew the child was sick. WHY DID DAD AND MOM BOTH IGNORE THEIR SICK DAUGHTER. BOTH PARENTS TOLD THE STEPMOM SHE WASN'T ALLOWED TO PARENT. IT'S ON THEM BOTH. You should have told your worthless husband that you wouldn't be taking responsibility for HIS daughter. You need to also ask HOW WERE BOTH OF THEM AT THE HOUSE WHEN YOU GOT BACK.
Ding ding ding can you say Affair!?! Funny he was "away" but got back at the same time ex-wifey shows up!?! How convenient!
Divorce him now. Then he and his 1st wife can remarry and look after her.
If they're telling you that you're not the parent to her then not your problem. I would probably leave my husband. I'm not giving up my own happiness for people that don't consider me family.
Exactly. Can't have it both ways. You're not the parent, you have no say. So, they complain since you don't act like a parent. She's 11 with a cold. I was babysitting at that age. She knew if she needed someone to stay with her for a couple of hours.
Umm why is the mother not the AHole for NOT answering her calls OR texts??? The bio mother obviously got those texts so this is ON her!! Ugh irresponsible AND they were together while YOU got stuck with the kid!!
If you can't leave an 11 year old home for 3 hours by herself, they have failed as parents. And after telling you "you're not her Mom" then expecting her to take care of her for a weekend? You can't have it both ways. How did husband get home from trip so fast, and in touch with the ex who wasn't answering...hmmm
Stepmoms are supposed to be there for the kid and it isn't replacing the mom. That's how it is. You sign up for the responsibility of the kids when you marry a man with a kid. It is childish to say, "No one thought about my birthday!" You clearly are not 16 years old. Kids can die of fevers. It isn't common but it happens. Do you even know what caused the fever? You can't leave a child alone with a fever. Also, who doesn't know how to take care of a kid?
Look. Husband leaves. Then your step daughter gets sick. First you should have canceled. But the fact that Y our Husband turns up with his ex wife. Thats a non starter. You need to get an attorney and hand him devorce papers. Nobody just shows up with their ex unless they were already with em. As for your step daughter. Yes you should have canceled your dinner. But what's done is done. You need to let the three of them go off and be together which is clearly what they are wanting
This exact same story was told here a few weeks ago, except stepmom had to work due to a tight project deadline.
Funny husband and ex wife show up together maybe hubbys work trip was with ex. Your not wrong hes her dad hes responsible
Or it may have been some OTHER kind of trip. Just saying.
Dude, she's 11. Unless Stepmom was going to be gone all night, she was gonna be ok.
Once again we have a whole pile jerks here. To op... it is never, ever ok to leave a sick child alone. The situation was far from ideal, not your fault, and absolutely grounds for you to be hopping mad, but the fact is you left a sick child alone, and there's never an excuse. Your party was ruined, but you chose to dodge responsibility and pretend it wasnt. Meanwhile, dad's awful for agreeing to some last minute work trip during one of his daughter's infrequent visits. She's 11, he should have been desperate to see her, at least enough to tell work to kick rocks for a day. As for mom ... you're never too busy to have your kid around. Once jerk daddy failed in his task to be there, mom should have stepped up and taken her back. Or at least answered her phone on the day of the fever. Only sympathetic person in this story is the kid ... poor girl has at least 3 parental figures, and they all display an inability to truly love her. I do think you should divorce ... people that aren't ready for parent-like roles should not marry people with kids, period.
To be fair, work trips often aren't optional if you want to keep your job. There's also plenty of employers that have no problem springing stuff on you went the last minute. I remember a friend of mine had a 2-week vacation booked and she hadn't had a vacation in literally years and had been working 12-hour days forever. The owner came in and told her that her vacation was canceled because he was going away. She told him she was really burnt out and really needed the time off and he basically told her that if she didn't show up she was fired.
Yikes ... if you work for someplace that toxic and abusive, time for another job. Sick days are non negotiable ... not my idea, its the law. Your friend's boss is a criminal.
But....he could get there in a few hours all of a sudden?...
No, remember, stepmother was told in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS she was not or would never be a mother figure. She's been denied having anything to do in this situation but be an unpaid babysitter. Unpaid babysitters leave and call the police when parents don't answer or pick up their kids.
You are incorrect ... unpaid babysitters can absolutely call the police if necessary, but it is incumbent on them to remain with the child until help arrives. The rule of never leaving a sick child is not dependent on parenthood, and certainly not on a paycheck. It is a moral responsibility, even if the child is a stranger, even if your not even supposed to be there. It is basic human ethics, independent of any other considerations. They are children. Now if she had summoned the authorities and waited till they arrived, i would have no problem with her, though it may have (perhaps unfairly) ended her relationship.
Well. That marriage is over. Nuff said.
I suspected your husband was away with his exwife, since they came at your place at same time.
You can't prove that. Maybe the neighbor who knows both of them call the ex wife Or check up on the daughter didn't like what she saw. She could have call the father or the mother. Or the girl could have call her mother or her father
Leaving a sick child alone Never acceptable. End of story.
If the real mom was so worried she should of answered a call or text you sent she put her job above her kid and tried taking advantage of you and for your husband how did he manage to get there so quickly I thought he was out of town
This is fake. I saw almost the exact same story on reddit, but it was a stepson, and the step mom had a work emergency. It was the same story right down to the husband hugging his ex wife in the kids room when steomom returned home.
She is 11 years old, not a baby. You did fine.
Honestly, stepmother should have called child protective services. Told them she was being left responsible for a child she had REPEATEDLY said she couldn't care for and mommy and daddy wouldn't answer. Thats called child abandonment folks.
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