I Refuse to Invite My MIL to Our Thanksgiving Dinner, My House Is Not a Free Hotel

Family & kids
month ago
I Refuse to Invite My MIL to Our Thanksgiving Dinner, My House Is Not a Free Hotel

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a warm family holiday, I know. But this year it feels like a burden I don’t want to deal with. Family should always be welcomed, but what do you do when someone starts taking advantage of you and calls it love?

I used to think saying yes to everything made me a good daughter-in-law. Now I feel like things have spiraled too much, to the point where my MIL doesn’t respect my boundaries.

Hi, thanks for reading my story! I really need an outsider perspective:

My MIL helped us through our worst days, and I really am grateful. When my husband lost his job years ago, she helped with groceries and watched our kids for free. She even helped out with our rent for a long time. I never forgot that.

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But after my FIL passed away, everything changed. She’s coming over all the time. She calls constantly. She expected favors like we owe her.

At first, I thought she was lonely, then it turned into her relying on us too much. I tried to be patient, but it got overwhelming fast.

She has been talking about Thanksgiving for weeks, I haven’t even asked her to come! She kept saying how excited she was and how it will feel like a real family gathering again. And look, I get it. Holidays are emotional.

But I NEED a break. Hosting is expensive and exhausting. The turkey alone is pricey, plus all the groceries, plus the cleaning, plus prepping the house...it’s all too much. If my MIL doesn’t come, we can just have a relaxing, normal, family day without judgments.

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So I finally told her, “It’s $38 per plate.”

I said it as calmly and as respectfully as I could. I thought it was fair. If she wants to come over for a full holiday dinner family experience, she should pitch in like everyone else. It felt like a normal boundary to me. But oh well. She turned such a simple thing into a full-blown drama.

She looked hurt and started crying. Not little tears, full crying. I froze when she pulled out a $50 bill, put it on my table, and walked out without saying a single word. I tried calling her, but she ignored me.

I feel bad, but I also feel like she’s trying to manipulate me. $38 is a reasonable amount, Thanksgiving prep is not cheap. Leaving money the way she did is such a childish tantrum.

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Later that night, she finally took my husband’s call and told him I humiliated her. She said she wanted to be alone for a while because she feels unwanted.

Now my husband is furious. He said he is going to spend Thanksgiving with his mom, which means he is leaving me and the kids at home. He thinks charging her was cruel and disrespectful. He isn’t even listening to why I did it.

I can’t help but feel like she is turning this into something bigger to make me look like the bad guy...should I be the bigger person, go to her house and invite her over for Thanksgiving still? Technically, she already paid for it...

Sometimes, being kind might be hard, but it could lead to beautiful things. Read next: 10 Stories That Prove Kindness Always Wins Over Hate

Comments

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Cheryl Cadwell
month ago

YOU ARE THE MOST DISGUSTING THING EVER, BUT YOU ARE CERTAINLY NOT A HUMAN BEING. By your own words she has CONTINUALLY BEEN THERE for you over the years. Now that she lost her husband you WERE GOING TO CHARGE HER FOR THE "FAMILY DINNER". I pray that you are LEFT OUT OF EVERY FAMILY EVENT from here on out. What the FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? So your house needs cleaning, your husband could help. Maybe if YOU HAD TRIED TALKING TO HER AND YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT IT, you would have made her feel INCLUDED, WITHOUT HER HAVING TO ASK. She could have SHARED IN THE EXPERIENCE, cooking, cleaning, etc... I pray that you NEVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE DEATH OF YOUR SPOUSE. It changes you in ways that can NEVER BE EXPLAINED. LONELINESS IS THE LEAST OF IT. But doing what you did is UNFORGIVABLE. As MAUDE used to say, GOD'LL GET YA FOR THAT.

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Dorothy Anne
month ago

I think your MIL needed this reality check. She sounds exhausting! The amount seems reasonable or maybe she could've helped you with chores

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Cheryl Cadwell
month ago
Dorothy Anne

Have YOU ever lost a spouse? I have lost 2, and there's not a day that goes by when I don't think of them both. Unless you are GOING TO A RESTAURANT, YOU DON'T CHARGE THE PARENTS FOR THE HOLIDAY MEAL. Every special occasion we ALL took turns covering mom and dad's portion of the main course, i.e. turkey, ham, roast, etc... With a minimum of 16 people we also ALL brought sides and desserts, drinks and breads. Did this DIL even attempt to let her bereaved MIL take part in anything related to the meal? NO she didn't. She even states that "I haven't even ASKED HER to come". If you have to ASK your husband's mother to Thanksgiving dinner, especially when she no longer has her spouse , it is the height of insensitivity. You certainly won't need to buy a turkey this year, because you are IT.

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Dorothy Anne
month ago
Cheryl Cadwell

I definitely hit a nerve there lol. It's not that deep or personal. If OP wants to spend her Thanksgiving with just her kids and husband, she has every right to. She said she was "exhausted" of taking care of MIL. She is entitled to her break.

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2 weeks ago
The comment is deleted. The party is over.
Lara
month ago

It's Thanksgiving!! You could've been nicer to your MIL! She lost her husband for god's sake!!

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Amy
month ago

I think you acted like an entitled bitch to a lonely woman. Listen people can be annoying but she was there for you during hard times and paid your rent but you won't cover dinner. The only one who had a tantrum is you.

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Amy
month ago

You get her Cheryl. I agree you are a total bitch. She was there for you and you want to charge her a plate fee. If I were your husband I'd leave you.

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barbara Nivens
month ago

WTF is wrong with you?! Why didn't you ask her to bring a side dish/dessert? Which is what family does, blood or chosen. I don't blame your husband for spending the day with his mother. At all. Don't be surprised when your kids want to spend the day with grandma either.

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Sally Morrow
month ago

I think you are a total ingrate. Your mother-in-law paid your rent for a long time, helped you out with the kids and gave you help when you needed it because she thought of you as family and that's what you do for family. She was looking forward to a family Thanksgiving and you treated her terribly. I hope you learn to be a better person. Perhaps your children see this behavior and will treat you as shabbily when you want to spend time with them.

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Janet Owen
month ago

What the hell is wrong with you? How can you even sleep at night knowing how you acted? She is a lonely woman who just wants someone to spend time with. She was always there for you no questions asked and now you treat her like a complete stranger. Hope people treat you better than you're treating her. Shame on you. How do you even look at yourself in the mirror? You're awful.

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Phyllis Popp
4 weeks ago

You were cruel and way out of line. If you're overwhelmed, have her bring some side dishes and just provide the turkey. If the house isn't clean, oh well. You have a husband and kids. They have hands to do cleaning and cooking. If I was MIL I would be upset as well. She bailed you out when you were in trouble and now you do this. WTH?

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Sandy Taylor
4 weeks ago

So terrible. Did you charge all your family 38 dollars a plate? And I'm sure they did not help pay your bills and rent when needed. Shame on you

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