I Refuse to Keep Working Past Retirement to Support My Adult Son

I’m proud you supported your son & his family for a year, I lasted 3 months with my daughter, son in-law & 3 grandchildren, but he is an adult & so is his partner & if they cannot support their family then that’s on him not you. You have put your retirement on hold to support him & he hasn’t helped himself. But yourself a camper van, sell your house & everything in it, keep the personal & precious things of course & go & enjoy your retirement, find another place by the coast or wherever & enjoy your life.

Hello, Bright Side,

I came out of retirement to support my son and his family of 5. He was broke and desperate. He said it was temporary A YEAR AGO.

Yesterday, I snapped: “Get a job or get out.” He smiled and handed me an envelope. I opened it, and my blood ran cold when I saw it was an ultrasound picture.

He and his wife had been keeping her new pregnancy a secret from me. While living in my house and spending my money. I was so shocked. I asked him how he thought this was a good idea when he couldn’t even support the kids he already had without living in my house.

He got defensive and said things would “work out.” That I should be happy for them. BUT I AM NOT. This is so irresponsible, and I can’t keep carrying the weight of his choices anymore.

I gave him 2 months to find a job and move out. But I can’t stop thinking that I’m being very cruel. I know you may say that it’s not my job to solve the problems of my adult son.

But his kids and that baby on the way—they are so innocent, I feel like I betray those small souls. If I know my son and his wife are incapable of being adults, then it’s my job to take. Am I wrong? I’m so tired of thinking about it. Help.

Matthew

Stephen Carey

6 days ago

As a person who looked after his mother for her last 17 years, i would have to point out to your son that it would be more appropriate for him to look after you should you need it. That aside, I wonder how did he get broke, why, and is he even employable any more? He and his family have forced this dilemma upon you, I think you need to return it to where it belongs; OK, so the children may suffer for a little while, but you son will have to get off his rear end and stand on his own feet for a change!

Dear Matthew,
Let’s list the facts to see the picture more clearly:

You came out of retirement to support your adult son, his wife, and their 3 children.
This was presented as temporary, but it has lasted a year.
During that time, your son did not secure stable work.
While fully dependent on you, he and his wife chose to have another baby.
They kept the pregnancy secret until the moment you demanded change.

We don’t see that you threw them out overnight or cut support without warning. You gave them a clear deadline. Will this be uncomfortable for them? Yes. Will they be angry? Possibly. But that doesn’t make you wrong or cruel.

And here is something you need to hear out:

“Things will work out” is not a plan: Maybe that’s the line he could say to his wife. But saying that to you sounds like he expects you to keep holding things together. But the timeline isn’t clear.
Yes, the kids are innocent, but innocence doesn’t automatically create lifelong responsibility for someone who didn’t bring them into the world. If it did, grandparents would never be allowed to retire, rest, or say no.
If you let them stay because you feel guilty, nothing changes. If you step back, something finally has to.
Moreover, you can still care and help. You just don’t have to be the financial safety net forever.

We hope you find a way forward that brings you peace and clarity.
Bright Side

Sundstrom Aggie Marie

Nothing wrong with helping your adult child and family. One s we ground. rules. A job Two. Paying you a reasonable rent like helping with utilities and groceries. Three they must set up a savings account with regular monthly deposits.

Setting boundaries with family over money is never easy—but sometimes it’s the only way to protect yourself. Here’s another story where a stepmother had to draw the line after 10 years of generosity. Her stepson demanded half of her $6M inheritance, and when she refused, her husband threatened her. What happened next surprised everyone ➡️ I Refuse to Give My Inheritance to My Stepson—I’m Not His Personal Bank

Comments

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For the love of planet, that’s your child. And your upbringing. Focus on helping him build skills or get stable work rather than kicking him out when he needs your support.

Michelle Randazzo

That's a full grown lazy slug!!! Take your rainbow glasses off and offer to take the slug and his family in!!! For the love!!

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Michelle Randazzo

Here we go again. Why can’t people handle an argument without going personal. Do you know that it’s fine to have different views on life? If you want to have a dispute, learn how to do this in a polite way.
Why would I need to take him? What a weird idea. I didn’t raise him, that’s not my mistake. If he is a full-grown lazy slug, as you say, it means that someone helped him become it. And I believe his parents played a huge role. There was ton of time to make him go away and teach him some life lessons. Now, with the baby on the way, it’s just cruel. Now it’s not time to play a strict parent and kick him out. They need to find a way that would work for both of them.

Well, if he KEEPS KNOCKING HIS WIFE UP, HE WILL ALWAYS NEED SUPPORT. $10.00 on some condoms, would have been the BEST MONEY HE EVER SPENT. Of course he WOULD HAVE TO BORROW IT, FIRST. STOP blaming the parents when their ADULT CHILDREN, are just lazy, or greedy. My parents raised 8, only 2 of them took the hard road, WITH DRUGS. You can't blame the parents ALL THE TIME. Besides THIS FATHER has DONE ENOUGH.

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We don’t know if this father has done enough. We know nothing about how he raised his kids. I truly believe that everything starts with childhood, and something was done wrong if the grownup child behaves like this.

Do you honestly think that EVERYTHING starts in childhood? It IS true that MANY THINGS in our younger years influence who we become, but BLAMING a parent EVERYTIME an adult becomes, lazy, greedy, needy, and selfish is just ignorant. This son, already HAD 5 kids, so he CLEARLY was taking care of them, before. Suddenly it's Dad's responsibility, AGAIN,? NOPE. He was retired, and YOU DON'T ask a retired parent to go BACK to work, while you keep HAVING KIDS. This one's on the son and NO ONE ELSE. Dad, didn't get his DIL pregnant.

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Not everything, right.
My key point is that kids are being kicked out while they didn’t do anything wrong. Do you believe it’s how it has to be?

Clara Stallworth

The problem is that he's had a FULL YEAR to do both! Rather than going to the nearest job center to get some retraining or job opportunities, he chose to get his wife pregnant while having other small children at home! OP was right to call him out on his lack of initiative in finding work to support his growing family, and to warn him to find a new place to live!

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Clara Stallworth

Well, yeah. I guess he just hoped that his father would always behave like this. Now he is on more strict terms. I think that giving him more time but drawing a clear line is more humane than kicking 4 kids right away

month ago

This comment is beautiful but so out of place.

M N

Are you nuts why would she continue to support his son and family he is a full grown man. Does not deserve his family's support. Kick him to the curb

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M N

Because there are 4 kids in the picture. And that full grown man doesn’t show any capabilities of taking care of them. That’s why. Kids don’t deserve to live in the street and pay for the mistakes adults make

Phyllis Popp

week ago

He's had a year to get his act together and chooses not to. It's not help at this point. It's enabling them. And now the wife is pregnant again. Both son and DIL need to be working, multiple jobs if necessary.

Phyllis Popp

week ago

Support has been given for a year. Time for baby bird to grow up and leave the nest.

Samira

It is just hard for a mom to stay aside

Birdie

You can still support him and his kids but you don’t have to sacrifice everything. You gave them 2 months, that’s more than enough to try and find a job. If you see the effort, you can allow more. If he wouldn’t try to do something, it’s time to kick him out.

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Birdie

As long as Matthew GIVES them ANY support, they WILL keep asking for more. At the end of the 2 months, I guarantee that the son will say, "you didn't give me enough time". It won't end UNLESS and UNTIL he just tells him NO MORE, and forces him to leave. I know what I am talking about. I am not ancient, but I HAVE been through a whole lot of the situations that are written about, in these posts. A lot, starting when I was a kid.

Misty Souders

Holy bat shit. How many kids does your son have!?? My god he cant support the ones hes got now. But thought it was a good to knock up his wife yet again. I guess their train of thought is or was was that your their permanent atm machine. You sir need to close the bank down. You've given them two months. Thats more then fair. After two months. Irregardless. Their gone.

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Misty Souders

What I am thinking is they wanted to use the coming baby to stay longer dad listen up real quick lock up every tital you have lock up every check book debit card lock up any thing you have a tital to because your son thinks after two months you will cave in and tell them to stay stay strong stand your ground god bless

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poshone5

month ago

Excellent advice..don't trust thrm!

Shirley Yarbrough