I Refuse to Let My Grandkids Move In, I Already Raised My Family Once

Sounds like she is taking advantage of the fact that you are her mother and thinks that that gives her the right to just show up at your door and assume she can just move right in. You need to let her know that you love her but that dosnt give her the right to just show up at your door and move in. She seems to think that she can just show up unannounced and just start running your life.. She needs a reality check and needs to understand that she can't just show up and expect you to just rearrange your life just to accommodate her . That's just rude and unacceptable. She needs a reality check to open her eyes and realize that the world dosnt revolve around her kids or no kids. Just tell her NO and stick with it. Dont let her try to pull a pity stunt on you because she's a grown woman has to realize that she can't just show up and assume she can just show up and move in. It don't work like that. A couple of days is one thing but moving in is a different story and you shouldn't be expected to change your life just like that for nothing. She needs to grow up and stop expecting mommy to bail her out. That's why they call it tough love and most parents have had to use it at some time. It may not be easy but nobody ever said being a parent was easy. Stand strong and DONT BACK DOWN!!!!!

Dear Bright Side,

I always thought I did a good job at preparing my daughter for adulthood. But what she did recently has me questioning that. My daughter is 30, she has two kids and a well paying job. She’s the kind of child you don’t think you’ll need to worry about because she has it all sorted out.

But a few weeks ago, my daughter showed up at my door with her kids and a few bags of clothes. It was unexpected, but I liked the surprise. Thinking they had come for a visit, I asked if they wanted to spend the night. I had no idea how wrong I was.

My daughter started crying as she explained that her lease had ended, and she didn’t have another place lined up. She came over because she thought I’d help until she could sort the situation out. I was furious. I had never known my daughter to be so irresponsible.

So I started questioning her. It’s normal for a landlord to contact you at least a month before your lease expires to ask if you want to renew or not. How did she end up in this situation? My daughter said that it just slipped her mind, which made me even angrier.

Jamie Wilson

I am calling major BS on this article.

It was like she just expected everyone to bend to her needs instead of being an adult and sorting out her own problems. So I refused to help her. It was time for her to take responsibility for her actions and learn to do things the right way.

A week later, she showed up again. This time she was alone and there were no tears. Turns out, she decided to give me an ultimatum. She said, “You can either take us in or I’ll have to put the children with their dad full-time, and you know how unreliable he is.”

I told her that I already raised three children of my own and that I would not be raising my grandchildren as well. If she was incapable of being a mother, then maybe she should send the kids to live with their dad. At least then they would have a stable living environment.

She left after that, and I haven’t seen her or the kids since. So Bright Side, what do you think? Was I too harsh on my daughter?

Regards,
Margaret K.

Some advice from our Editorial team.

Amy

You did the right thing she was trying manipulate you. I would have given her 2 weeks to get a place.

Dear Margaret,

Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing your story.

If you want true clarity moving forward, stop framing this as a question of whether you were too harsh and start examining what your daughter’s ultimatum actually revealed.

She wasn’t asking you to raise her kids, she was panicking, cornered, and using fear to force a safety net she should have built herself. The real work now is not rescuing her but reopening communication in a way that separates accountability from abandonment.

Reach out once, calmly and without judgment, and make it clear that you won’t provide housing on demand, but you will help her build a sustainable plan: budgeting, childcare schedules, emergency contacts, and even coaching her on managing leases and paperwork.

This gives her exactly what she lacked at that moment: structure, not rescue; support, not surrender. It also puts the responsibility back where it belongs, on her, while reminding her that a single mistake doesn’t make her a failed adult or mother.

Your boundary wasn’t wrong, but the silence that followed is what can turn a teachable moment into a permanent fracture. The next step isn’t taking her in, it’s reopening the door to problem-solving together as two adults, not as parent and dependent.

Margaret finds herself in a difficult situation. But it’s not one that can’t be worked out with patience and commitment to her rules.

She isn’t the only one with family struggles, though. Another one of our readers reached out. Read the full story here: My Daughter Refused to Let Me Hold My Grandchild — Her Reason Broke Me.

Comments

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Angela DeBias

I understand that you raised your children but turning your daughter away when she truly needs you seems a bit harsh. Life happens, and being a single parent is hard work. I hope that you can find it in your heart to help.

Angela DeBias

She is a divorced woman, NOT a single parent. Those kids have a father and he should be able to take them in. Just because their mom doesn't like her ex, is no reason to put the responsibility on HER own mother.

sunshine wright

Since you never thought you would see this from her means that this is the very first time in her adult life that she has reached out to you for help... And that's how you react? You don't stop being mom when they are grown. She was scared, she knew she messed up, she admitted all of that, so it's not like she doesn't already know she screwed up. Honestly if you never see her or your grandchild again, I wouldn't feel bad for you. You obviously don't care about them at all.

jenny mccullough

sunshine wright

Somewhat agree. It seems the daughter is stressed and has tried not to face this situation. Affordable housing is impossible to find anywhere now. She may have seemed flippant but ill bet she was worried sick. On the other hand granny is well within her rights not to want to start helping as she absolutely is too old to be expected to take this on. And she has raised her own family. But there seems to be no sympathy at all here, no concern especially for the kids. Its likely because the daughter arrived without warning. No phone call tells me the daughter suspected she would get this reaction but had no choice. Granny, start asking deeper questions. Daughter wont be happy here. But daughter may be going through a tough phase. Some sympathy to both parties is warranted here.

sunshine wright

First time, but certainly NOT the LAST. If she gets away with it now, she will keep pushing her mother until she breaks her. As far as not caring about someone, it is THE DAUGHTER who doesn't care. About her mother OR her kids.

L S

100% YTA. She wasn't asking you to raise her children for her or a handout. She asked if she could stay till she figured things out. GOD FORBID YOU HELP YOUR CHILD JUST BECAUSE YOU RAISED HER ONCE.

I have a similar mother who also put her needs before her kids but never truly raised us just made a show of being a "mother" and let me tell you I haven't felt bad for 14 years not letting her in my life to see my children because of her narrow-minded selfish ways.

I hope you are utterly alone on your deathbed and reap what you sow.

Your daughter would be wise to NEVER associate with you again

Roberta Maldi

For me as a mother of 4 grown kids I'd never refuse them or my grandkids NOTHING, that is GREEDY and BAD parenting, once a mom ALWAYS a mom PERIOD.... SMH at this mother/grandmother

Misty Souders

My lord. Your daughter shows up. Admitted she screwed up. Instead of being a mother. You condem her. Thats not what a mother does. You could have easily put them up for a month with a time frame to move out. I just hope one day in your old age that this doesn't come back to haunt you

Ellen Skarsgard

YTA. You don't deserve a relationship with your daughter or grandkids.

R Schafer

You are correct. You are horrible. My mom has helped me as an adult. I stayed a month. It was a life line. I currently have a daughter and her wonderful kids in my house. The daily joy of them being here watching kids learn and grow is immeasurable and unpredictable! My family says I'm crazy but I know where they are and I know they are safe. I wouldn't have it any other way. When it comes to children in need always choose children. Retirement is a myth. Lonely is over rated. God blessed you with grandchildren. Cherish them. Like I'm sure they cherish their grandma.... and pray for forgiveness....

R Schafer

Good for you, but that DOES NOT mean it will work the same here. This woman HAS EVERY RIGHT TO SAY NO. Her daughter KNEW SHE WAS LOSING her ACCOMODATIONS, and she didn't do ANYTHING about it. If she had said something sooner, maybe her mom could have helped her with it. Showing up and then THREATENING to give the kids to their father, (who, BTW, SHOULD have them, during this time) was not smart. Grandma doesn't need forgiveness from anyone, for anything.

Kimberly

Do you have to YELL every time you post something??????????? It gets irritating 😑

Kimberly

While YOU might consider it YELLING, I do it because I don't see well. Making the words larger let's me see them better, and helps me EMPHASIZE MY POINT. THAT'S ALL. There is a way to fix it, though. STOP READING MY COMMENTS.

Kimberly

Do you actually READ all of the comments? It seems like you downvote EVERY comment, based on WHO leaves them, rather than WHAT they say. Even comments, apologizing for possibly being wrong. OR even saying something NICE. You should try to understand what is being said, rather than WHO is saying it.

Ann Johnston (Annie)

I wouldn't frame your actions as trivially as 'too harsh'. It's fine that you state that you don't want to raise her children; but then she didn't ask you to, did she? She admits that she messed up badly and asked her mother if she and her children could stay until she got sorted. You turned her away. The best option she could come up with in the circumstances was to send them to their father, which you decided to frame as an ultimatum - strange, that you take avoiding the children having to sleep in bus stations or shelters or their car as a threat against you. And that you haven't seen or heard from your daughter or your children is, again, not a punishment for you. You turned them away - twice - in anger without even discussing options or possibilities. Yes, you are done with parenting. Accept that and all that comes with it.

Ann Johnston (Annie)

Oh, she messed up badly alright. But THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE SAID. She said it "slipped her mind". BULLSHIT. YOUR housing availability doesn't SLIP YOUR MIND. She is up to something else. The children have a father and he IS THEIR NEXT LEGAL GUARDIAN. NOT GRANDMA. Why don't you all grow up. If she moves in, she will NEVER GET IT SORTED. She will just stay put, and you know it. Her daughter is playing her, and using her kids to do it.

Wow! You're more than TA...you're an uppity, condescending, coldhearted one at that! I hope you end up all alone, and when the time comes that you can't take care of yourself any longer, I hope she spits in your face and tells you to figure it out on your own. There's just no words for type of person you are, but I hope the fall from your pedestal is as unforgiving as you were to your own flesh and blood. Who needs enemies when they have a so-called mother like yourself? You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself!

But there IS A WORD for the type of person YOU ARE, in fact there are quite a few: IGNORANT, SELFISH, CONDESCENDING oh yeah, BRAINLESS. When flesh and blood try to USE YOU, they are the uppity ones. But maybe that's why you are taking the daughter's side, because you are just like her, A USER.

I'm a mother, a real mother, to two adult children and a grandmother of two. There isn't a thing I wouldn't do for my kids or grandchildren. I damn sure wouldn't let them be out on the streets. I would go without so that they could have, because that is what a true parent/grandparent would do. Anybody that would turn their back on their own child or grandchildren is the lowest POS there is...PERIOD! You must be just like this woman if you think its even remotely ok to turn your child and grandchildren away when they are at their lowest. Real piece of work! There's a special place in hell for people like you and the OP.

Well, REAL MOTHER, What YOU would do, is NOT A UNIVERSAL LAW. I HAVE taken in family members, MORE than once, that seemed to "forget" about how time works. A week turns into 6 months or more. As far as them being on the street? CAN YOU READ? THEY HAVE A FATHER IN THE PICTURE. IF he can take the kids, he IS the NEXT LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE PARTY. Then maybe MOM and GRANDMA can figure it out, together. This woman is USING HER KIDS, to get her own way. She didn't "forget" about her lease, she CHOSE TO LET IT LAPSE, or perhaps she did something that caused her to lose it, and isn't telling the whole truth. OMG, she wouldn't lie, to herom, would she? I think that she ABSOLUTELY DID. It is clear that you don't really care about the facts here. It is also clear that you are campaigning for sainthood, because you are "A REAL MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER". YOU are a condescending bitch, and have probably raised the same. It is clear that you are going without though. WITHOUT ANY SENSE OR ANY BRAIN CELLS. Just because you would do something doesn't mean that anyone else has to do it too. Calling her a POS, because SHE IS NOT YOU, says more about you than her. Calling ME a POS, is just your way of trying to sound and feel superior, which you are not. None of us are. So go bash someone else, because that is all that you seem capable of.

rose smith

Everyone's situation is different the commenter probably immature doesn't understand boundaries and how children can be demanding abusive etc of parents and maybe they never had irresponsible adult children or maybe they are not genuine so don't take people like that seriouly

rose smith

Thanks, I will try to be more understanding myself, before I respond to others. Have a blessed day.

Shannin Bushey

I had a very bad accident over a year ago I was in a coma for 3 weeks in ICU for a month in the hospital for 4 months and then a rehabilitation center after that I lost everything the doctors told my family they didn't think I was going to make it but my mom took my daughter I couldn't breathe on my own I had ALot of surgeries when I woke up I couldn't move my arms or legs couldn't eat was tube fed couldn't talk but I don't know where I would be if my mom didn't let me stay here and help me with my daughter I think you are a terrible person family is supposed to help family when my mother needs me when she is older I will be there to take care of her when she can't anymore I won't put her in a nursing home alone to get horrible care don't worry you didn't want to help them when they needed it when you need it I hope she puts you in a nursing home then you can be all alone in there I'm a single mother and I don't know what I would do without my mother's help since the day my daughter was born its hard daycare is so expensive I had to work overnights so my mom watched my daughter at night id have her the rest of the time but there's no way I could pay all my bills and daycare so thank God for my mother the past 14 years

Shannin Bushey

That is wonderful, FOR YOU. This woman KNEW that her lease was expiring. She KNEW that she would end up unhoused, WITH HER CHILDREN. She CHOSE TO MAKE IT HER MOTHER'S PROBLEM, WITHOUT trying to get in front of it. Her mother might have been willing to help if she wasn't blindsided by her daughter. Her mother solved it for herself. The kids have a father, the will NOT be homeless. Threatening her mother was not wise, at all. Now she won't ever get any help, and she may lose her kids in the bargain.

Shannin Bushey

Completely DIFFERENT SITUATION. Guilt tripping this woman is YOUR OWN INADEQUACY, trying to cover itself up.

rose smith

Not telling Mom in advance she needed help to find a place she has a good job but did not look for a place expected her to let her in unanouced try to blackmail her by refusing to ever let her see her grandkids these are big fat red flags my sis in laws did that to my mom in law if she refused to babysit and take kids to school and pick up etc they threatened to never let her see them so her daughter was being very dishonest she was hiding her true in tent lady you probably saved you economic mentle and moral peace

Wil Scott

Might of flew off the handle a tad!!

Theresa Anderson

Nta you did the right thing. Just the fact that she's trying to blackmail you with the children tells me all I need to know. The other comments here are people who've done everything for their children all of their life I guarantee you. Sometimes you do have to let your children see that you mean business she will be okay. And if she had to threaten to leave them with their father maybe they should be with their father exactly as you said. They can stay with the other responsible parent while she gets herself together. They are the ones that had a good time making those children let him take care of their responsibilities as well. As you say you know your children. She may be at a point that she doesn't want to work anymore she might quit her job when she moves in and then what. The people in these comments are not going to be there to help you pay for her bills the children's bills and the electric bills when she moves in with her children. Anybody can say what they want to in these comments but do we actually know that they're living what they're saying. Tell yourself the truth not your truth but the truth. She did this on purpose I guarantee it. No one forgets their rent is due. And she never said she didn't have the money. And as much as rent is these days how can you forget you have to put a roof over your children's head. I'm sorry but she's up to something. And for the other commenters as a parent you are to guide your children so that they may make the right decisions. And one of the decisions is not to come back home and use your parents.

Mark