Family dynamics can be tricky, and sometimes, the relationships we cherish the most can take unexpected turns. One of our readers, Elizabeth L., reached out to share how the love and care she’d given her grandkids was turned against her. The choices she had to make were anything but easy, and it’s left her questioning what family truly means.
So glad u found the betrayal..my grandkids ..outgrew me .felt lost ..joined a. Community group for seniors ...best favor..they ever ga e me ..i am no longer allowing myself too be at their mercy ..found a whole other road .i also let them know how .hurt. And .disappointed i felt.
Hi Bright Side!
I’ve spent most of my life being a mother and a grandmother, and for the longest time, my grandkids (Alice is 8 and Jake is 11) brought me more joy than anything else. Even though I’ve never quite gotten along with my daughter-in-law, I would always make the effort to have the kids over.
It gave me a sense of purpose, especially since I’ve been living with heart disease for so long. But things changed last week when I had them over for the weekend.
They had been a little defiant, but I figured they were just going through a phase. After lunch, I was cleaning up their toys (I asked them to do it, but they didn’t), and I found something I never expected: betrayal. I was reaching under the bed for a doll my granddaughter had thrown under there when I overheard my grandkids in the next room talking on the phone with their mother.
My heart dropped when I heard her words. She was telling them to ignore me whenever I asked them to do something. Not only that, but she encouraged them to defy me and go against anything I said. It was a twisted act of revenge through the very children I adore.
When I confronted the kids, my world shattered. They sided with their mother and told me they were just giving me a taste of my own medicine, since apparently I never listen to anything she says. I was blindsided. These were the kids I’d poured my heart into, and they were turning against me like this.
Even though my love for them never wavered, in that moment, I felt a small seed of resentment take root. I decided then and there I couldn’t let them stay under my roof another night. I packed their stuff and told my DIL to pick them up.
My son called me later, saying I could’ve handled the situation more gracefully, and maybe he’s right. But at this moment, I feel like my heart is broken beyond repair. I don’t know what to feel now. All I wanted was to love and care for my grandkids, but it feels like my daughter-in-law has turned them into weapons against me.
It’s hard to accept, and harder still to know that my son doesn’t fully understand why I did what I did. I’ve never been so disappointed in my family, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at my grandkids the same way again.
Your son and his wife are wrong.. stop having them around until things change.
Elizabeth, this situation must be incredibly painful for you. You’ve given so much love and care to your grandkids, and to find out they’ve been influenced in such a hurtful way is devastating. Family conflicts like this can feel like a betrayal, and it’s completely valid to feel upset.
Your decision to set boundaries, though difficult, might be necessary for your emotional well-being. Family relationships can take time and effort to heal, and it’s important to prioritize your own mental and emotional health in the process.
It may also be beneficial to have an honest conversation with your son to explain your feelings and what you discovered. He may not fully understand the depth of the situation. Let’s hope this is the case and he can advocate for you in the future. Please keep us updated on the situation, we’d love to hear from you again.
If you’re looking for more stories about difficult family dynamics, check out this one, where a granddaughter’s shocking behavior led to a lesson she won’t forget.
I would stop giving ,because they don't deserve anything , take them out of the will let them know at the proper time why you did what you , you can award bad behavior. I am wishing the best
Can't award bad behavior , they will be looking because you will feel guilty and they will make you feel guilty ,you must overcome that feeling because you show love
You have a Son problem.
So your daughter-in-law doesn't like you and somehow you think cutting your grandchildren out of your life is punishing her? She doesn't like you. She doesn't care if you see her kids anymore. All you did was punish an 8 and 11-year-old who were doing what their mommy told them to do. Keep that in mind the next time you're sitting with your your citizen League and all your friends are talking about the great time they had with their grandkids. And how you chose to try to get payback to their mother in the most hypocritical way possible, by using them as weapons just as you accused her of doing.
Your advice is for this grandmother to take abuse from her family? Kick rocks. She needs to set boundaries and be respected. You are probably DIL in your family. Sad human.
Actually she removed herself from the situation. That's called setting boundaries. You should look it up.
The thing with payback is that, sometimes, it can backfire. Yes, OP was wrong in sending the grands home based on the kids' phone conversation with mom, who revealed the truth. However, Mom has NO business dragging the kids into the drama between ADULTS (OP and Mom)! If DIL has a problem with OP, then it needs to be addressed between THEM, with OP's son acting as a go-between. Otherwise, DIL's actions will eventually cause the kids to turn against HER, and that is NO WAY for anyone to live! Also, once the ADULTS get things straightened out, then they will need to SERIOUSLY apologize to the kids for turning them against OP and start trying to be better humans!
To be fair, we're only getting her side of things. The kids said that their grandmother never listens to their mother. Perhaps she's made a habit of ignoring the mother's rules and boundaries and when the daughter-in-law tried to bring that up to her, she brushed it aside and acted like she knew best.
I'm not saying that what the mother did was right. That's not the way you handle a situation, but I wouldn't be shocked at all if the grandmother is far less innocent in all of this than she's making herself out to be. People have a habit of trying to make themselves look completely innocent and rational in these kinds of stories without mentioning what they did wrong.
There has to be some reason why the mother thinks the grandmother doesn't listen to her. The poster didn't even address that at all.
I would go very low contact maybe take the kids out to eat once in awhile but then take them back home don't have them spend the night because you don't know what's being told to them now so you don't know how they're going to act at your house the mother is going to be Petty and it's going to get worse I'm sorry the kids have to pay the price for it but the mother set the pace he had nothing to feel sorry for and if your son can't accept it and be on your side for this one thing then just go no contact and forget about when all you and your friends are sitting around and they're all talking about their grandkids blah blah blah don't worry about it we'll find a hobby go find new friends
Maryann is delusional
I would of done the same thing. What your DIL and kids said and did and do is a problem i wouldn't want to be around either. Those kids will grow up to be losers.
Unless they were plotting your demise, this needs to be addressed with your son and he needs to address it with his wife and children. Then you and his wife need to come to terms. If the children are being taught to defy you it are just openly doing so for any reason, refusing to supervise them any longer is a valid decision, but how you handled it was wrong. This needed to be a conversation with the adults, starting with your son. And, you need to get to the bottom of why your DIL feels disrespected by you. Are you, by chance, ignoring her wishes when it comes to her children? She shouldn't be weaponizing her children's relationship with you, but there is likely a reason she feels the way she does. You two need to make peace and get to the bottom of what is causing her animosity. If she and your son want free childcare, they need to teach their children to be respectful. Which they should be doing anyway. But, cutting them off without at least trying to figure out why this is happening is only going to cut you off from your grandkids, and I don't think that's what you want.
Do you have grandchildren yet? I would have done the same. What brats and evil dil.
I'm going through something similar right now. Taking them home was the right decision. Speak to your son tell him you would still like to spend time with the kids but no over nights and only a couple of hours at a time and no more than once a week. Tell him that you feel disrespected and no matter what I did is it ok to teach kids to be disrespectful for his wifes problems with you. That makes her childish and teaches his children to be a bully.
The woman needs to heed what she heard the DIL say "giving her a taste of her own medicine"
If you are not respecting the DIL or listening to her, then this is why this is happening. Karma hurts. What goes around comes around. DIL using children to serve a purpose is wrong. However, you refusing grandkids to stay is also wrong.
Communication with DIL and Son needs to happen for this family to mend. Whether you like your DIL or not, you should be respectful and if she wants things certain ways with her children, you should honor her wishes. The only way forward is to listen to what your DIL feels you are ignoring with her, you should apologize for what she says has hurt her. Whether you meant it or not you are not entitled to dictate how your actions affected her. They clearly have hurt her first.
Once this forgiveness between the both of you happen, you and DIL both should be able to move forward with a new attitude and DIL should apologize for bringing kids into this revenge situation and tell them they are to listen and respect grandmother.
Good luck to all in this family.
She's basing her decision to nuke family Based on parts of an overheard conversation. Where the claim that she made may not have existed or could have been said as a joke.
I can't side with her. She needs to have an adult conversation with her son before she goes off into crazy town.
I don't think she's been the great mother and grandmother that she claims.
Have you been a grandparent? As a grandparent if my grandkids parent told them not to listen to me, I would also send them back to their parents. Why would you think just because you're a grandparent means that you don't deserve the same respect from your grandchildren as you would've expected from the children you raised. The DIL is completely in the wrong here, as an adult she should've handled whatever problems she had with the MIL without bringing the children into the mix. As a parent all she is teaching her children is that if you have a problem with someone you don't have to respect them and as a parent your job is raise children who are respectful and decent human beings, which this DIL is not doing.
You did absolutely right. I would call my dil out right in front of my son so he could know exactly why I responded the way I did. If he agrees with her and does not fix the issue.No contact him also. Loving family should not disrupt your peace. I would of stopped it at the children telling me no to what I asked them to do. And I would of taken the phone and told my dil off and told my son why I did it. And sent them home. Your dil is a problem and it's running over into your grandkids. Talk to your son about the kids behavior and what she said. But keep standing on principal and your boundaries.
My ex husband did this with my three children even telling them they could hit me
You should tell your son everything with her there if he sides with her tell him ok but I'll have no further involvement with you or your wife . Tell him you love him but the disrespect his wife is showing you and what she told the kids to do is not right , that she should have told you first what her problem was and not involve the kids
sorry but you are inflexible, dure
extremely, you hold a grudge and grandmothers have to be good and let it go, you have turned children against themselves by confronting them and saying they were told lies... sorry but I can't visit you until you apologize
Grandparents at no point need to lower their boundaries and let people treat them like shit, as we are all human and have feelings. No grandparent should have ro put up with disrespect from anyone especially their young grandchildren.
I feel like there's probably another side to this that she's not telling. The kids said that you never listen to their mother. Kids can be pretty observant. Do you have a habit of ignoring her rules and boundaries and or perhaps criticizing her choices thinking you know better than her?
She shouldn't have told the kids not to listen to anything you say, but I'm guessing she is not nearly as innocent as she makes her self out to be. The DIL's resentment had to have come from somewhere. It's okay for her to be upset and feel disrespected but before coming to any decisions about moving forward she should probably talk to the parents and find out why they feel the way they do. There's two sides to every story.
