Blended family life can be full of tension, especially when stepchildren struggle to accept new routines. Sometimes even small gestures, like cooking dinner, can spark unexpected conflict. One stepmom shared how she finally set boundaries after constant rejection at the dinner table.
You dont say how old your daughter is.
This may have nothing to do with her being a step child. My own daughter went through years of only eating what her dad cooked. I still cooked for her, but her dad would plate it up and say he'd cooked it. It was frustrating but she did eventually grow out of it.
Perhaps you could've tried something similar saying her dad made a dish and seeing if that helped.
Hey Bright Side,
I remarried a few years ago, and my stepdaughter has always been picky about what I cook. No matter what I made, she’d bring food from her mom and insist it was better. I tried to be patient, forced smiles, and reminded myself that she’s just a kid adjusting to a new family.
One day, I made her favorite dish, hoping it would show her that I care. She tasted it, frowned, and said, “You don’t cook like my mom!” It hurt. I felt crushed, but I smiled and cleaned up after dinner like nothing had happened.
First off…why is it a problem that she eats her moms food at your house? Is she forbidden from wearing clothes her mom buys when she is at your house as well, or is it just the food you have a problem with. Kids are picky. Kids also didnt chose for their parents to divorce or re-marry. Maybe it is a cultural difference. Maybe she is feeling lost. But cutting her off from family time because she doesnt like your cooking is actually borderline child abuse.
You are being exactly what that child feared. She cannot be honest or she gets removed. Not a good lesson. But a very lasting one. Also there are two sides to every story. And this side paints a child as a monster for preferring what she has known her entire life.
The very next day, I made a decision. I told her that from now on, she could have dinners at her mom’s place if she preferred. I excluded her from family dinners every night after that. It wasn’t about punishing her: it was about setting boundaries and protecting my own space in my home.
I know some people might see it as harsh, but I’ve realized that trying to force acceptance only led to resentment and hurt feelings. I’m just looking out for my own mental peace while still letting her enjoy meals with her mom, where she feels comfortable.
Sincerely,
Emma W.
You did the right thing you know she's being fed at her mom's and the mom is letting the behavior go on by sending meals with the little brat so keep doing what your doing it will teach her she can't be the spoiled brat she clearly is and eventually she will realize that if not that's something her mom will have to deal with in the long run
Emma, thank you so much for sending us your story! It takes a lot of courage to share these kinds of experiences, especially when blended family dynamics are involved. You acted thoughtfully and respectfully: you gave your stepdaughter options while setting clear boundaries for yourself. Protecting your mental well-being and home environment is completely reasonable.
In situations like this, it helps to communicate openly with both your spouse and your stepdaughter about expectations. Framing your boundaries positively, explaining that you want family meals to be enjoyable for everyone, can reduce tension and help her adjust over time. Remember, setting limits doesn’t make you mean: it’s a healthy way to maintain respect and harmony in a blended family.
WHERE TF IS HER FATHER? if she lives close enough to her mother, she SHOULD be eating there if she prefers her food. We all know that she is TESTING YOU and may be getting help from her mother. At first this story kinda makes you seem heartless and cruel but if her father is there for dinner each night then HE SHOULD BE PUTTING A STOP TO IT. If he is not there then your SD should not be coming over at those times. Do you have children of your own? I will say what I always say when I read these stories, "people that have children should NOT GET MARRIED UNTIL THE CHILDREN ARE GROWN UP AND OUT OF THE HOUSE. You have a spouse problem first and foremost. He should be handling this.
I want family dinners to be enjoyable by everyone... So I told my stepdaughter that she's no longer allowed to attend them until she decides that she likes my cooking and my husband is no longer allowed to eat with his daughter because she has to eat at her mother's. That doesn't sound like you're worried about making it enjoyable for everyone. Sounds like you're worried about making it enjoyable for just you. Here's a tip maybe you're an awful cook.
What a horrible thing to say. You are what is wrong with this world.
No they are right. She's only worried about her. Shouldn't b around kids or elderly
That line is only funny once.
I have a step mother. I can guarantee you. My butt would have been red. Furthermore this is classic manipulation by her mother and the daughter. Too bad the husband never put his foot down which is way needs to happen. But good on the step mother for standing up to it
Maybe you're an awful cook too 🤷🏾♀️
Maybe neither of these girls parents taught this kid any manners lol - if I were the dad or the mom I'd tell her to be grateful for the fact stepmom even gives a shit in the first place. All she does is cry about how it's not good enough for her.
Adults learn that if they can't please someone why bother trying. So she gave up and sent her to eat where she likes the food. It's literally not her circus.
Scummy Stepkids lead to Scummy Stepparents. Change my mind.
I think you are being fair... Stop the manipulation of a child... Bravo for not putting up with it
Hope ur not around kids or elderly
I'ma need you to be quiet now. You are coming off as an Imbecile 🤨
I have a step mother. If I had pulled that growing up. There would have been serious consequences. Yes that was classic manipulation by her and her mother. Sounds like her mother was being just as petty as her daughter. Too bad your husband didn't put his foot down with the both of them
Hubby is weak.
If she's bringing her own food, let her eat it when the family eats. Barring her from eating with the family, asking your husband to choose you over his child is dumb as a box of rocks. Either way he chooses, he will lose something precious. That's totally on you.
In MOST restaurants they do no allow you to bring in outside food. But let's put that point aside for a moment. Daughter can eat her mom's food at moms place. Come over and sit down with her father and new family and have dinner conversations. Everybody wins. Daughter/father/stepmom (step-sibs?) a good time can be had by all. Little girl can just say, I already ate. I'm sure that would be the end of it.
Im a stepmom of 3 amazing wonderful now young adults. Thier momma is an amazing cook, and so am I. We trade recipes, I have to tweak a couple because of my ffod allergies or I just make myself a different meal. Ive cooked for Momma when she has been sick, or made sure she had a plate picking them up. Yes, we cook the same dishes different, she likes to incorporate more sage and citrus into things where I am more of the garlic, paprika onion powder person. Ive always told all the kids, if you dont like it, you are morr than welcome to make yourself something different, no hard feelings.
I wouldnt go so far as to disinclude a child from the dinner table, but if you dont like whats being served, theres ravioli, spaghetti os, etc. Sounds like theres more underlying issues than just cooking.
You guys are missing the point. The daughter was trying to drive a wedge and the cooking comments was the hammer. Had it been me I would have told her it sounds like you are volunteering to do the cooking from now on.
Yep. And the adult could have set some boundaries around rude comments but instead missed an opportunity for a connecting moment for them. She could have just talked to the kid just but it doesn't sound like that's what happened.
So you're the bad guy, got it
well we never had this problem in our house. my half siblings respected my mother. called her by her first name. She introduced them as her kids from my dad's first marriage. We all ate what was on the table my mom became good friends with their mom. we had a room in the house where she and her second husband could come and stay. Their mom held and paid for my wedding . reception. I dont know why there is such animosity these days. people need to fucking grow up. Give people grace and treat everyone with kindness.
I get feeling defeated, but excluding the kid only reinforces her dislike. I say make it clear she is welcome to bring food from her mom's house if she is not happy with what Emma is offering, but disrespectful behavior is not going to be tolerated if she does decide to eat Emma's cooking (her husband needs to support her in this). The other option is to make her own dinner. PB&J is easy enough for a kid to navigate.
I still say she should eat the food at her mom's house, but still come to share dinner time with her father. She can sit at the table and watch them eat while talking about whatever it is that they talk about during family dinners.
You were wrong in what you did. Pick your battles, let her bring food from her mom's house if that's what she wants. When she tells you, you don't cook like my mom, tell her everyone has their seasoning and way of cooking. Turn it around, would you like your husband to exclude your children from family gatherings and dinner because they didn't like his food. I hope your husband put his foot on that, if not, he's a wimp
You did the right thing. She was just trying to manipulate you. It back fired in her face.
She needs to cook then, I really wouldn't let this go on for another three years. Designated a night for her to cook and praise her for cooking her mom's recipe.
Stop being woke. Did the daughter go to work and pay for the food, the mortgage the house the stepmom owns, or the appliances it's being made with. NO! You eat what you ate cooked or go hungry until you appreciate your blessings.
You may want to look up the definition of woke.
If the father allows this he's a POS too
I wouldn't cook for her & say great, please bring all your food ready made from Mum & l will heat it up for you as you are used to her cooking. Don't make her anything, teach her to make cheese on toast & baked beans until she is ready to rejoin the human race. Spoilt spoilt spoilt & it says more about her mum than you, obviously coached.
I think the age of the stepdaughter is important, but it's not mentioned.
I have real issues with food that is different, and texture being different etc, and have finally been diagnosed as autistic as an adult. I could easily see me having struggled to eat food which triggered my texture sensory issue, and therefore I may have needed different food if it was me as a child in this situation. And I do love my mum's cooking and she always helped adapt food so I could eat it.
When I say I have sensory issues with the texture of food, I mean I feel like I'm going to vomit if the food texture is wrong for me.
So, for example, if the stepdaughter is young, and possibly has some issues with food (in whatever form), that's different than a teenaged stepdaughter who is petty and deliberately being difficult.
I'd find it hard to give advice without knowing the specific situation. That's just me though 🙂
I remember when my teen told me she didn't like driving with me - I "forgot" to pick her up for work the next day. We teach people how we are to be treated. You did the right thing.
Should have driven her to the transit station so she could buy herself a bus pass. Buhbye shiela
Did she tell you why or was it just teenage drama? My mother was always a distracted driver plus won’t follow directions so when she gets lost she gets angry and lashes out. All of that always scared me so I avoided riding with her as soon as it was feasible.
I think a lot of people are forgetting the part the biological mother plays in this. Why is she sending food over? She should tell her daughter to politely eat what's served to her by her stepmom, say thank you, and refrain from criticism or insults. Even if mom hates stepmom's guts, she needs to be a good role model and take the high road. Maybe she should have custody of the child or, at the very least, stop enabling this disruptive and destructive behavior.
Lol it isnt "disruptive" whatsoever. She doesnt like dads wife's cooking. So what? Daddy's wife needs i grow the fuk up. Dad married her. Not his daughter. She needs to stay in her lane.
I agree 💯. Along with "a child should not involve themselves in grown folks conversations, stay in a child's place". Plus in my household if we didn't get to leave the table until we finished our food. And it better not take all night. AND there better NOT be food in the trash or that would get your bottom whooped 😒😑
We were allowed to hold conversations with the adults. It was how we learned to converse and even debate.
It has been shown forcing children to eat everything on the plate leads to issues like obesity and other eating disorders. Nobody should be forced to eat past the point they are no longer hungry.
Exactly. Eat what's put in front of you or go hungry. Learn young life is choices made
The child prefers her mom's cooking and is vocal about it. Obviously, the biological mom is close enough that the girl can eat dinner with her before going to step mom. Don't exclude her entirely. If there is any connection with you and bio mom, ask her about the child's preferences. If not, ask dad. Maybe ask the girl if she would like to show you how to make her favorites.
you shouldn't exclude herm she is still a kid, a child..
I would not exclude her. U would simply say something like yep she is a better cook when it comes to your favorites as she has been preparing them longer. Then go on to say if you don't care for supper you are more than welcome to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
This is my take on the situation. The step- mom was wrong in sending her home to eat her meals. If she didn't want to eat what she was serving, that was up to her. But she needed to sit at the table until everyone else was finished. Missing one meal is NOT child abuse. When the child says, " it doesn't taste like mom's." She shouldn't have gotten upset. She should have replied, "that's because I'm not your mom. " That reassures the child she isn't trying to take her mother's place. The mother on their hand is enforcing this bad behavior. She is sending the separate meals, she is not telling the child to be polite and just eat it the food anyway, she is allowing the child to come home for meals. The mother is doing this as a way of weaponizing the child against her father. If she can cause enough issues with the step mother it will cause issues with the two of them. Making him as miserable as she is. This is not helping the child adjust to the new living arrangements of divorced life. This is not good for the child's mental welfare. And will not allow her to have healthy relationships with other men or women in the future
