Everyone has house rules. Shoes off at the door, no smoking inside... and for some, no meat. But what happens when the family doesn’t take those rules seriously? One mother-in-law found out the hard way when her vegan daughter-in-law decided enough was enough.
I want to say it's your house and they should be understanding. However, I assume this is temporary and she needs protein to help heal after surgery. You could relax and just ask her to be careful so you don't have your meals contaminated. You definitely have a husband problem though. I'm thinking he doesn't want to be vegetarian himself, but his behavior is unacceptable.
"Hi Bright Side,
I’ve been a vegetarian for years, and my golden rule is no meat in my house. When my mother-in-law moved in after knee surgery, I made that boundary crystal clear. She smiled sweetly and said, “Of course, dear.”
But soon I started finding greasy pans shoved in the dishwasher, fast-food wrappers hidden in the trash, and one night I caught her microwaving chicken wings in my kitchen. When I confronted her, she shrugged: “You can’t control everyone. This isn’t just your house.
The next day, she told my husband I was ‘policing’ her and making her feel unwelcome. Instead of backing me up, he said I was being ‘too rigid’ and should just ‘let her live.’ Then he dropped the bomb — if I couldn’t compromise, maybe I should be the one to stay elsewhere until things cooled off.
The following morning, I walked downstairs and saw a suitcase by the door. For a second, I thought my mother-in-law had packed to leave. But when I looked closer, I realized it wasn’t hers — it was mine. My husband had packed it for me.
What should I do?
Emylin”
Thank you for sharing your story — it’s clear that this situation has deeply affected your family. Whether or not you feel you were wrong, the emotional distance and conflict are now very real, and the challenge now is how to move forward thoughtfully and constructively. Here are four pieces of advice that could help you.
If it's your house YOU stay put and pack THEIR things. If it's not your house find a new place. This could have been avoided through a compromise. You stay with your diet and allow others in "your house" to have their diets. Just use different pots and pans and clean up after yourselves. One thing I hate is when people shove their way of life down other people's throats. EVERYONE is entitled to theirs not just you.
Admitting fault helps cut through the hurt, makes others feel safer in the relationship, and allows both parties to move past the conflict.
Refusing to admit being wrong is often tied to pride, fear of shame, or maintaining a rigid sense of being “right” — all things that prolong conflict and prevent emotional repair.
Intellectual humility (recognizing one’s own limits, including being wrong) strengthens relationships, improves trust, and promotes more open, honest conflict resolution.
your hubby packed your suitcase??? OMG, this is not just a red flag, it is a fire, what kind of a husband is he? you need to ask yourself, does he love you as his wife or he love his mother as one? and the mother - hmm trouble maker, not cool, but, you as well need to be a bit more open and accommodating, some people like to eat meat, and if you cant accommodate this for some of your family for some time it is really bad, you as well have a problem
Even if you feel justified in setting household rules, words like “This house is also my father’s house” signal that he may feel sidelined or disrespected in family decisions. The tension might not be about meat at all, but about his sense of being excluded from authority within a shared home.
Next step: Invite him into a calm, face-to-face conversation. Suggest working together to establish household expectations that honor both of your values. Think of it not as giving in, but as building a partnership.
Saying “Don’t come here if you don’t follow my rules” to anyone who lives with you may have felt like laying down the law. Being vegan in your own home is a valid choice. Imposing it as an absolute on others navigating loyalty, grief, or identity is likely to backfire.
Action: Introduce zones or compromises — e.g., “No meat in the kitchen, but if you order something, eat it so I don’t see it.” This gives space without changing your values.
Pride is always the problem. It's the original sin. It blinds everyone. Show love and understanding. Be all you can be.💝
Clinging to “I did nothing wrong” might preserve your pride, but it won’t bring your husband or stepdaughter back. Justified or not, the hurt they feel is real.
What to do: Reflect not only on the rule itself, but on how it was communicated. An apology doesn’t mean abandoning your vegan values — it means saying, “I’m sorry I made you feel unwelcome in your own home. That was never my intention.” Sometimes, that small acknowledgment can be the first step toward reopening a closed door.
Despite all the tensions we might face, there is also a lot of kindness in the world.
Here are 15 Stories That Prove Kindness Runs in Some People’s Veins.
When you agree to take someone in for medical reasons, you have to make sacrifices. Obviously, your MIL needs meat in her diet. Maybe she doesn't like greens. I have an adult son who has always had the diet of a five year old. No plant matter will ever touch his lips. He just doesn't have the palate for it and doesn't like the texture.
I saw a Dr once that was discussing "taste buds". Depending how many you have decides what you eat. Not that you need to count them!😂 Very interesting subject.
That sounds interesting. I'm lacking the number of taste buds required to like olives.
Then that needed to be discussed. MIL LYING to her to unacceptable.
Usually you dont hear Vegitarians acting this cra cra! She needs to lighten up it's not the end of the world. I think her bigger problem is how fast Hubby packed her bag to throw her out! Bet money he eats meat all the time behind her back. This was the straw that broke the Camels back. He's sick of her controlling ways of shoving her beliefs down everyone's throats. Plus her claim "My house My rules!" Bet he pays the mortgage and she's a SAH whatever.
So, if YOU don't smoke in your own home, you should learn to compromise and allow others to smoke? And if they refuse that boundary, then YOU should be the one forced out of your own home involuntarily? Got it. Seems like the MIL is the one who needed to compromise, since she was a GUEST in someone else's home. And as for the husband, he has no right to force her out. Legally he can't make her leave lol. His flex failed.
Smoking will KILL YOU, as far as I know eating a steak won't. Perhaps MIL agreed because she had no other option and as far as I know being a GUEST should not mean you have to be uncomfortable just for a place to stay or in this case HEAL. There was no communication here at all and I STILL SAY THE WIFE WAS WRONG.
I wonder if she realizes who actually is bringing home those chicken wings and the fast food. Since MIL had knee surgery it's a good guess it's her son sneaking it in the house.
Imposing your choice upon others strikes me as tyrannical in this case. Not to be nasty, but this type of behavior, if repeated across various household and interpersonal situations, might explain why your husband was so quick to pack that bag.
Ots one thing for u to lay down some rules from the gate that MIL agreed to. If she had no intention of respecting ur "house rules" then she should have stayed elsewhere. That doesn't prevent ur husband from going over and looking after her and doesn't cause issues in YOUR home. It's not like u blindsided her with ur requests and it wasn't unreasonable for u to enforce ur boundaries after she blatantly ignored them (and this is after she already agreed). I don't agree with forcing someone to have ur diet but I also don't agree with backtracking after u already agreed to do/not to do something. It's disrespectful and shows u don't care about the other person and their space. I would leave and send divorce papers since the son is more concerned with his mother's comfort over his wife's boundaries. Of course take care of ur mom but don't turn on ur wife in the process. Ur wife is supposed to be #1 in ur life when u get married,not ur mother. That fact alone would be reason to divorce. As a wife, I will bot be 2nd to ur mother or the kids or anyone else for that matter. Either we stand together or u stand alone. If u can't or won't back me up, then ur not my partner. Mommy's little baby can move back in with her since he values his mom more than his wife and is willing to cause this divide over something that was stated before she even moved in. As others said FAFO!
You people are way to calm for me. This is her home. She lives here This is her house. She told her MIL what she needed to feel comfortable with her staying with them while she healed and the MIL agreed. But as soon as she got settled in she pretty much said f*ck you I'm going to do whatevert I d*mn well please...and the husband?? I wish I would come down stairs and find he'd packed a bag (in the middle of the night) for me to go somewhere else while his mother was there. Huge red flags. Huge. Hopefully the house is in both their names because it would be on !
I'd be filing for a divorce. The reason I list would be his mommy.
Oh but you are nasty, and you intended to be nasty. Let's call a spade a spade. Your judgmental. She stated her rules her mother agreed her husband agreed and then they said f you. I hope she leaves and gets a divorce
It’s his mother not hers.
Imo the sneaking is unacceptable.
MIL AGREED to the rules, doesn't matter if they are unfair, she agreed so OP is automatically in the right.
Haven't you ever agreed to something then found out you couldn't follow through, for whatever reason? The bigger issue is that the DIL demanded her way, to the detriment of others. Being vegan is a choice that should not be foisted on others. Especially if they gave it a try. Even if they didn't try, vegans who try to claim some moral or ethical high ground by being vegan should only hang out with other vegans, then they can be superior without annoying people who don't want or need to be judged about their own choices.
All the time.
The right way to handle it isnt lying about it. Its to tell them.
Full stop about any veganism judgement. Thats absolutely irrelevant.
She agreed to rules. She was trusted to obey them. Then decided to take a sledgehammer to that trust and lie about it.
Thats the problem.
Also dont forget this is someone trying to come into OPs space. Not the other way around. She set a boundary which was agreed too, then broken without any discussion.
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