Blended families often encounter unique hurdles, where minor tensions can quickly spiral into major conflicts. When Trish requested that her household honor her commitment to a vegan lifestyle, it unexpectedly sparked a heated exchange. Her husband’s reaction took her by surprise, leaving her emotionally shaken and uncertain about what to do next. Seeking clarity and support, Trish turned to us for help navigating this delicate situation.
Hi Bright Side,
No meat is allowed in my home. My stepdaughter, 14, started to defy me and refuses to be vegan. I said, “My house, my rules! Don’t come here if you’re not happy!” My husband was quiet. At 3 a.m., my son, 7, came to me trembling.
Imagine my horror when I found out that my husband went to my son’s room, kissed him goodbye, and then left.
I checked the closet, and he had taken his clothes, packed his things. I called, and he said that he needs to be away from me for some time. He called me a “monster” and said that this house is also my stepdaughter’s house, and I have no right to impose anything on her.
I still think that I didn’t do anything wrong here. My stepdaughter is spoiled, and I have the right to impose any rule I want in my own home.
Do you think I was wrong to act this way?
Trish
Hi Trish,
Thank you for sharing your story — it’s clear that this situation has deeply affected your family. Whether or not you feel you were wrong, the emotional distance and conflict are now very real, and the challenge now is how to move forward thoughtfully and constructively. Here are four pieces of advice that could help you.
Sounds like the husband will not be coming home, you act like this and tell his daughter don't come here if your unhappy with your choices. Did you ever consider asking him. If you did not then you deserve what is happening. His natural instinct should be to protect his children and you crossed his line! It's ok to do certain things to us men but when you do them to our children that's another story.
Even if you believe you’re justified in setting household rules, your husband’s comment — “This house is also my stepdaughter’s house” — reveals that he feels unheard and possibly disrespected in family decisions. Consider that this might not just be about meat — it’s about feeling excluded from authority in a shared home.
Action: Invite your husband to a calm conversation (ideally in person) and propose creating shared household expectations that reflect both of your values. Not a surrender — a collaboration.
Your 7-year-old came to you trembling at 3 a.m. That’s not just about your husband leaving — it’s about your son feeling emotionally unsafe. This isn’t only an adult disagreement anymore; it’s something your children are absorbing.
Action: Focus less on who’s “right” and more on restoring emotional security. Reassure your son, validate his fear, and prioritize rebuilding a calm home — because emotional fear in children is a long-term consequence of family instability.
Saying “Don’t come here if you’re not happy” to a 14-year-old who lives with you may have felt like laying down the law — but to her, it likely felt like rejection. Being vegan in your own home is a valid choice. Imposing it as an absolute on others, especially a stepchild navigating loyalty, grief, or identity, is likely to backfire.
Action: Introduce zones or compromises — e.g., “No meat in the kitchen, but if you order something, eat it outside or in your room.” This gives her space without changing your values.
Staying firm in “I did nothing wrong” may protect your pride, but it won’t bring your husband or stepdaughter home. Whether your actions were justified or not, the emotional damage is real.
Action: Reflect not just on the rule, but on the delivery. Apologizing doesn’t mean saying you were wrong to be vegan — it means saying, “I’m sorry I made you feel unwelcome in your own home. That wasn’t my intention.” That alone could open a door that’s now shut.
Despite all the tensions we might face, there is also a lot of kindness in the world. Here are 15 Stories That Prove Kindness Runs in Some People’s Veins.
Sorry but I thought it was a family home not just your house. You sound like a very nasty person. I would have left also if that's how you talk to my child or anyone's child. Take a moment and think about how you would feel if someone did this to your son.
It is a family home — and in a family, mutual respect matters. That includes respecting the ethics of the person preparing the food and keeping the kitchen cruelty-free.
If you think saying “please don’t bring animal corpses into our home” is nasty, but have no problem with the violence behind those corpses, maybe recheck where your outrage really belongs.
And trust me — if someone told my son, in our home, that he couldn’t bring dead animals to the dinner table? I’d thank them for upholding our values.
Boundaries aren’t cruelty. Entitlement is.
Dead animals are tasty ask your kids
You know what else is tasty? Justice. Try seasoning your next comment with it.
But since you're so keen on asking kids, maybe ask them if they’d pet a lamb or slit its throat. Spoiler: one of those answers doesn’t pair well with mashed potatoes.
If you think “tasty” justifies anything, I hope you’re not invited to any ethics committees.
If standing up for his daughter means storming off because someone asked not to have dead animals in their home, then yeah — sounds like he wasn’t ready for a relationship built on values.
Glad your vegan family members let you walk all over their boundaries. That’s their choice. But don’t confuse being polite with being passive.
This isn’t about giving vegans a bad name — it’s about refusing to dilute compassion just to keep meat-eaters comfortable. If that ruffles feathers, good. Maybe it’s time they stopped eating them.
I had an ex girlfriend who moved into MY house and tried telling me after a week I wasn’t allowed to have meat in the house or eat it period due to her choices and diet. Ya she got told she can’t control what I do in my own home. The next day she had tossed out all the meat in my freezers. Well needless to say that same day she was tossed out.
I’d want to leave too if my wife was acting like some dictator and refusing to make a compromise or something. Seeing as you’re the only vegan, maybe you should f off and eat somewhere else in the house if you have such a problem with it. Just because you chose to be vegan doesn’t mean you can take that choice from them.
So, why is it this didn't come up before now? Like, he gets a say in how. vegan a home but why is this only happening now
New wife and new fad to get rid of the new stepchild.
Poor girl. Being 14 is hard enough. Thank goodness her dad had her back. Just imagine being told you can't cook any of your favorite dishes in the house you have to live in for the next 4 years. She can't even drive a car for at least half of that time. Most restaurant food isn't the healthiest & fast-food (which is probably what she would be getting most of the time) is terrible for you. The step-mother doesn't have to cook non-vegan food but she is responsible for the girls well-being so she needs to let her have food she wants to eat in the house. There can be compromises but most of them need to be made by the adults. Don't mess with a child's food or they could end up struggling with food insecurity or eating disorders for the rest of their life. Some people should not be parents.
Yes, the step mom was clearly 100% wrong! I don't understand why the author is tiptoeing around this fact and allowing her to continue in her delusion! I understand that there is a need to validate a person's perspective, but you shouldn't do that when their perspective is that they have a right to cause harm to other people. Choosing to be vegan is a lifestyle choice based off of personal conviction, when you make it an unquestionable rule for others to follow your personal convictions it becomes tyranny. The only thing the dad did wrong was leave his 7 year old son there to also be a victim of this deranged woman's abuse.
Vegans are the reason vegans have a bad name. Just like Christians they have to impose their own values on everyone around them, popular or not. Grow up. The world doesn't revolve around you and frankly, you're outnumbered here. Deal with it. If they want their meat, shut up and let them.
If being outnumbered made someone wrong, slavery would’ve never ended and women wouldn’t vote. “Popular” doesn’t equal moral — it just means people got comfortable with cruelty.
And no, I’m not shutting up while others destroy lives, the planet, and then cry victim when asked to do better. If your values can’t handle being questioned, maybe they aren’t values — they’re just habits hiding behind a steak.
Stop thinking your cravings matter more than someone else’s life. Grow up.
Just as much habitat loss and animal deaths occur to produce non animal food as well . Thousands of acres of monarch habitat cleared for avocados, billions of bees killed in transport from almond grove to almond grove not to mention it takes 2 gallons of water to produce a single nut in regions that are already water starved. And then there’s the millions of birds, bugs and small animals killed collaterally from pesticide/herbicide applications. And I’m not crying victim. People can make whatever dietary choices they like but accept that your choices are equally destructive to the environment so the” holier than thou “ schtick falls flat. Eating meat is not illegal and if vegan stepmom married a meat eater then she should have been willing to compromise or move on and find love with another vegan. And unless it’s solely her name on the mortgage it’s not “her “ house.
Hey Sved, you are not likely to get any sympathy here, or very little of it, so please go back to your my vegan teacher subscription for the validation that you CLEARLY are screaming for here, but are not getting any leave everyone else alone.
Your kitchen, your rules.
My kitchen, my rules and mine do welcome vegan dishes, but also likes to eat animal based protein and nothing you say will change that. Now please kiss my derriere on your way out the door. Maybe I can show you what too much roughage does to my GI tract while you're down there on the way back to your bridge, my dear troll.
Oh my dear Charity, that was a lot of words just to say “I’m fine with cruelty as long as it tastes good.”
You can dress it up with jokes, cartoonish sass, and “my kitchen, my rules” energy, but none of that changes the fact that you’re defending killing sentient beings — and then getting mad when someone points it out.
No one’s begging for sympathy. I’m not here to be liked — I’m here because someone needs to say what most are too comfortable to admit: just because something’s normal doesn’t make it right.
And if you think the ethical stance is trolling, that says more about you than me. I’ll keep standing up for the voiceless. You keep hiding behind sass and bacon grease. Let’s see which one ages better.
But her dad has rights in his own home, and he should be the primary one to give rules to his daughter. She didn't even give him the respect of a conversation first. I think the major issue isn't even about the food. She seems to believe she is the one with all the power and her husband has none, even though it's his daughter.
I notice you said "parents" ... plural. Pretty sure dad didn't agree with this petty, controlling "rule." What the guy should have done was go and buy a TON of meet, stick it in the fridge, and let HER leave.
Maybe if the stepmother ate some meat, she wouldn't be so grouchy and would be more tolerable! Poor kids.
Maybe if you shut up, we wouldn't have known you're a clown
Why are you so grouchy? Sounds like you need some "meat" too... 🤣🤣
Ah yes, the classic “you just need some meat” line — because nothing says intellectual heavyweight like making steak your therapy.
I’m not grouchy. I’m just not smiling while the planet burns and animals get slaughtered so people like you can make bacon puns on autopilot.
You think you're being edgy, but you’re just proving my point — the moment someone stands up for ethics, out come the meat cult one-liners like it’s 2003.
Try harder. Or better yet — try thinking.
I dont feel like Dad is being a pushover. I have a 15 yr old stepdaughter, who calls me momma. I would NEVER try to impose my eating preferences on her or even my own biological children. People have different tastes. I, personally, could never not eat meat. I have a texture issue with food, so most vegetables are a non starter for me. Growing up, my parents had the "you eat what i cook and you clean your plate, i dont care if it takes you all night" approach to meals. I was always told I was just picky and i needed to get over it. When I became an adult, I was able to experiment with foods and found that I liked more things than I thought, I just had to prepare them differently. I never made my children clean their plates if they didnt like the meal. I made a deal with them that they had to eat one tbsp of whatever they didnt like, vegetable wise. Otheŕ than that, i always tried to make meal that we, as a family, liked. I would even cook them vegetables that they liked that i didnt, because them eating and getting nourishment was always my goal.
This step mother was completely wrong and the marrator just baby steps and misses the point. For one she never discussed this with her husband. Two she's the step parent I support a team but some things are only for a blood parent to enforce. Three demanding a teenager whose not her blood to do something that is usually a choice is going to backfire. I cant believe the arrogance of this woman.. she needs parenting classes
You think only “blood parents” get to set house rules? That’s not parenting — that’s a power trip disguised as tradition.
This isn’t about forcing a teen to pick a hobby — it’s about refusing to let dead animals be cooked in your kitchen. If a step-parent can’t draw that line in their own home, then they’re not a parent — they’re a doormat.
What really needs a class is the idea that teaching ethics is somehow worse than normalising violence. If that’s arrogance to you, maybe humility’s been hiding behind your burger.
What if she wasn't vegan by choice?
There are some, but very few people who are so allergic to meat that they cannot be near meat. Usually it stems from being bitten by a specific tic.
Alpha-gal syndrome (AGS), can develop after a tick bite, primarily from the lone star tick in North America.
This is a valid point to bring up, however, look at how she handled it. She didn't say "we can't have meat in the house because I'm deathly allergic," she told a 14 year old, that isn't her child, her house, her rules. She completely sidestepped the other adult in the house, and the way she handled this tells me she isn't allergic, she's just a massive bigot and is power hungry. Perfectly fine for people to be vegan, even just for altruistic reasons, but they cannot shove that in others' faces, just like how people who eat meat can't tell vegans they're wrong. The understanding of a shared space, and being willing to give and take, make a house a home. Take those away, and it's a tyrannical kingdom.
I get that being vegan is a choice, and so is choosing to eat meat. There has to be some compromise so this family can stay together as a family, and work through this. The father leaving is a wake up call. Stepmom would be smart to sit down, talk this over with a therapist and see a better way to handle this situation. Imposing your choices on everyone, isn't a way to keep things happy in a household.
So I should stop imposing my choice of not wanting my kids to smoke? Make it make sense. Are we forgetting that these animals are decapitated and gassed to death? All about us huh? Who cares about the real victims anyway?
Yes you should stop imposing your choice of not wanting your kids to smoke, if they are adults. The step mother in this situation IS VERY WRONG! It's not up to her what the step daughter eats, that's a decision for the blood parents! In my country, the child welfare would take this very seriously & would also look at the son for removal. Animals that go to slaughter are not killed the way you have said, also trolling is not a good look either! You have made your thoughts clear, time to move on!
When you cut out foods like meat, fish, eggs, and dairy, you’re cutting out foods with the highest source of iodine for brain health and overall development
Jumpin' Jiminy Crickets! I would NEVER try to force ANYONE to conform to MY WAY of thinking & being. (I was raised by foster parents who would never dream of forcing their lifestyle choices on their own children! Let alone the foster children!)
You are most definitely in the wrong here. You have the right to choose to be vegan, but you do not have the right to dictate that everyone in your house must be as well. The fact that you are even asking if you're wrong is mind boggling. Yes. You are. Anybody who thinks otherwise needs to have their children and voting privileges permanently taken away, and be sent to prison where they can experience firsthand having other people's viewpoints shoved down their throat.
My house my rules is such an old way of thinking. Forcing someone to be vegan is as wrong as forcing someone to eat meat. If your diet dictates that you can't eat meat that does not mean that everyone in your house should fallow that diet
Wow what an amazing man to stand up to someone so narcissistic and selfish. He has won in his child's life and he chose to do it in a classy way. Too bad he could not carry his other child with him. something tells me this is not about veganism but your absolute hatred of his child and because he stands up for her you used this to exert your dominance. Hope he gets his house and child from you and you can go bully some other vegan somewhere else.
I'm completely confused by this. Maybe my veal filled brain is missing something... if you don't allow meat in your house, and the horrible flesh eaters left, why are you upset? Like Scrooge McDuck with the magical golden fish, you got everything that you asked for.
'Veal filled brain' is hilarious 😂
Yes, you are absolutely wrong!
YTA, on this one. I'm sorry but that's not just YOUR house and the way you went about this shows a lack of respect with your partner, a lack of cohesive agreement in your relationship and a REAL.lack of cooperation in how to move forward. And that's just your relationship with your husband. The situation with your step daughter, that's tough and again subduing that you and your husband and the mother need to iron out before tackling.
Sounds like mother vegan is the spoiled child
