My Family Thinks I’m Heartless for Not Letting My Parents Move In With Me

Deciding whether to let aging parents move in is one of the toughest and most emotional choices anyone can make. This decision is often filled with cultural, emotional, and practical considerations and can challenge personal space and financial stability.

A woman shared her story.

A 33-year-old woman shared her story, explaining that she’s been living in her own home for a few years. She bought the house with her own money and worked tirelessly to create a comfortable and secure space, especially after growing up in a very unstable environment.

Her parents, who are now in their 60s, have always been bad with money, consistently making poor financial decisions despite her attempts to help them manage their budget.

“Recently, my parents lost their home to foreclosure and asked if they could stay with me temporarily while they figured things out. However, having two more adults in my house would be a tight squeeze, and I value my privacy and independence.

More importantly, my parents have a track record of being overbearing and ignoring my boundaries. The last time they stayed with me, they criticized my lifestyle, rearranged my furniture without asking, and even got into a dispute with one of my neighbors.”

“I suggested helping them find an affordable rental and even offered to cover their first month’s rent. I also researched government assistance programs for them to apply to. However, they turned down my offer, insisting that family should support each other and that it was my responsibility to help them during this difficult time.

My siblings have mixed opinions—my older brother thinks I’m being heartless, while my younger sister understands my worries. Neither of them can take our parents in since they both live in small apartments.”

“My parents have been trying to guilt-trip me, reminding me that they took care of me as a child and now it’s my turn to take care of them. They’ve also been telling our extended family that I’m abandoning them, leading to messages from relatives criticizing me. This is making me doubt my decision, even though I’m certain my mental health would suffer if they moved in.

Was I wrong to refuse them after they lost their house? Should I be more accommodating, or is it okay to prioritize my well-being and boundaries? I’m feeling very conflicted and could use some outside perspective.”

Many people supported her decision.

• “It was their JOB to take care of you growing up, you didn’t ask to be born. It’s not your job nor responsibility to take care of them.” redditpusiga/ Reddit
• “If you let them move in, they’ll never move out. They will take over your house, try to control your life, and will amp up the expectations of what you ‘owe’ them and will keep guilt-tripping you until the end.” Iworkinacupboard / Reddit
• “Please, learn from my mistakes. I regret letting my mom move in with me. Biggest regret of my life so far. She’s been staying with me for about a year now, and I did not expect her to be here that long, but it just happened.” Western_Ad4843 / Reddit
• “For your own sake, mental health and wellbeing, DO NOT let them move in! They have turned to guilt you so you’ll ’forget’ all about their past behaviors and hopefully be convinced that family does come first.” LoveBeach8 / Reddit

• “If you let them move in, the only chance you ever have to not live with them again will be to move out, leave everything you own behind, and keep paying their rent” isawsparks27 / Reddit
• “Keep in mind this did not just happen to them. You don’t just miss a payment and you are out on the street. They had months and months to try to figure something out, take out a loan, get a second job, make payment arrangements, try to sell the home, etc. This is on them, and there is no reason for you to feel guilty.” Helpful-Science-3937 / Reddit
• “If the brother’s apartment is that small, they can choose any of the relatives that are sending messages.” No-Archer8974 / Reddit
• “I do agree that family should help each other out, but you tried so many other ways. You can lead a horse to water, but you don’t have to give it yours.” One_Trifle1191 / Reddit

Another woman shared her story about facing a similar situation. Her 60-year-old mom, about to retire, wanted to move from their family home to her city and asked if she could stay in her spare bedroom instead of finding her own place. Despite caring a lot for her mom, she had to say no to the request. This decision led to a whole drama.