In many families, gender bias and unequal treatment can lead to lifelong resentment and complicated dynamics. When parents favor one child over another or expect financial support later, it often leaves the overlooked child grappling with guilt, boundaries, and self-worth.
Hello Bright Side,
So, here’s the deal. Growing up, my parents flat-out refused to pay for my education. My brother? Totally funded, tuition, books, the whole shebang. When I confronted my dad about it, he said something that still makes my blood boil: “You’re a girl, you’ll get married.” Yeah. That was apparently his life plan for me: charm a guy and live happily ever after. Spoiler alert: not exactly my dream. Fast forward years of struggling alone, scraping by, working hard, and I finally became a surgeon.
I also got married. Life was good. Then out of nowhere, my mom calls. And she’s begging me to lie to my in-laws. She literally wanted me to say that my parents had funded my education. Why? Because my in-laws were disgusted by the blatant discrimination I faced, and apparently, my parents couldn’t handle the shame. I couldn’t even process the audacity, but here’s the kicker, now my parents are demanding I support them financially. Their logic: “Now that you’re married to a rich man, you OWE us for raising you as someone who could attract a good husband.”
You dont owe them a damn thing they blew the money on your brother he can support them if they want a hand out. There jealous cuz you made a good life for your self woth out the likes of them. I dont owe you shit you choose the son now your broke deal with it. See ya
I’m sitting here like, excuse me? The same people who denied me opportunities are now expecting me to bankroll them because I “turned out okay”? Honestly, I’m struggling with whether I should even engage. Part of me wants to cut them off entirely, but another part, I dunno, maybe I’m overreacting? Bright Side, would it be unreasonable for me to decline financial support for them? Or should I somehow “play along” to keep the peace?
Thank you,
Anna.
They did not want to help you succeed and doctor you do not owe them anything build your life with your husband what matters more is your life and the lives you save on that table God blessed you with the tools you need your parents gave you life and you did not ask for that no you do not ever give into them
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Anna! Just know that your experiences are valid, and you deserve support and respect while figuring out the next steps.
Despite the challenges, many individuals find strength and independence by setting boundaries and prioritizing their own well-being. Over time, focusing on personal growth and supportive relationships can help heal old wounds and create a more balanced, fulfilling life.
Read next — “My Family Spent My College Fund on Christmas for Years—Now They Want My Help”
If you are smart enough to become a surgeon, you are smart enough to know, that you should walk away from these toxic people. I know that they are "family", but that is just blood, which is a bio-hazzard anyway. Lying for them, would be a blow to YOUR character. Family is who you love, and who loves you, UNCONDITIONALLY. The conditions they are placing on you are untenable. They CHOSE to treat you as less than. They are now expecting MORE from you, than your fully funded brother. Don't feel guilty, and decide if you can live with that. Don't let them bully you, or try to shame you. Your inlaw's/husband's wealth should NOT be any part of the equation.
I see a lot of entitlement here. My parents couldn't afford my education either and I don't hold it against them. I worked, I got loans, I made it happen. Now they need help and I'm there for them because that's what family does. You sound bitter and honestly kind of cruel.
Did you not read the story. It wasn't that they couldn't afford it, they refused, because she would just get married. The only entitlement is on the parents' part. They should ask the son whose education they bankrolled.
Parent's thought their money would be better spent on their son,it's an old wives tale,husbands must look after their wives and offspring
Not paying because they can't afford it is very different than not paying because shes a girl. If they refused to pay for both of the kids education, that's one thing. But they basically decided that because she's a girl she doesn't need an education and will depend on a man to support her. Even in demanding she support them now because she 'married rich', surgeons are pretty well paid. She's well off on her own, even without her husband's money. They didn't acknowledge her success, crediting financial success to her husband. She can certainly brush off the blatant disrespect and favoritism, telling herself her parents are just old fashioned, they're from a different generation, they have a more traditional point of view. But its simply chauvanist and sexist. It isn't a parents responsibility to pay for their kid's college, but it is definitely their responsibility to treat their kids fairly and equally, not showing extreme bias for one kid.
I actually had a boss once tell me that I was paid just fine because I lived with my boyfriend and he should be paying the bills. This is basically the same bs but from her parents. I made $10.50 and hour and paid 90% of the bills. I don't work there any more and don't date that guy anymore either.
They REFUSED because she's a woman. They could have afforded at least SOME part of it. They also ARE NOT FAMILY. They are entitled, misogynistic, lying assholes. You don't HELP the people who disregard and dismiss you as worthless, unless married.
Kate wilson, you're a idiot if you think your situation and her situation are the same. She never said her parents couldn't afford to fund her, she said they chose not to, but, they paid for everything for her brother. And now the want her to lie to her inlaws so they don't have to live with the shame. If you want to lie for your parents, have at it, but, she should tell them NO in no uncertain terms, if they need help, they should ask the brother.
Agree
Just hang up, no comment to them, block and go no contact.
If you're husband is okay with helping your parents then I would help them. If you treat them how they treated you, that just makes you like them. Be the bigger person and forgive them for their ignorance. I promise you'll be a whole lot happier in the long run.
