Sometimes the hardest battles we fight aren’t at work or in the world. They’re inside our own families. When labels, favoritism, and jealousy come into play, the people we expect to cheer for us can become the ones who doubt us the most.
One of our readers, Marc (32, M) wrote to us with a tough dilemma. Did he make the right decision? You decide.
All my life, my parents labeled me as “lazy.” It didn’t matter that I worked late shifts, took on double jobs, and clawed my way toward independence. Meanwhile, my brother was the golden child. Everything he did was celebrated. If he tripped, it was “he’s tired from studying.” If I stumbled, it was “there you go again, being careless.”
It sounds to me like the golden child needs to make some room at his house for Mommy and daddy. Your story does not say there was even one nice moment in your life with them. Why would you ever feel guilty about saying no to such horrible people? People whom if I were you, I would not want to entitled them with the names mom and dad. Write them off. Don't even give a second thought on what happens to them next
Last year, after years of saving and pushing myself past exhaustion, I bought my first house. It was the proudest moment of my life. I told my parents, expecting, just once, to hear words of pride. Instead, they laughed. My dad smirked and said, “Let’s see how long before you mess this up.” My brother chuckled along. It stung, but I told myself their opinion didn’t matter.
Without a doubt hand that over to your brother. It’s not difficult to congratulate your own son on an achievement as big as this. But they took their mockery a step further and lied about it to family. Stealing your joy. Regardless of their opinion they should’ve kept it to themselves. Absolutely you should not let them move in. They would only make your life in your new house you worked so hard to buy a misery. Give the caretaking responsibility to the golden one.
For months they ignored my success, I had almost given up hope on them noticing me but last week, my dad lost his job. My parents called me in tears, saying they had nowhere to go. They then asked to move in with me, into the house they had once mocked.
NO. That is a short word with a simple meaning. Since they seem to think you can't do anything to help yourself why should you help them? For years they treated you like you weren't even important and that anything you did was no big deal and now suddenly you are supposed to throw out the welcome mat and let them live with you. I don't think so. You worked hard to have what you do with no help from them so they sure as heck would NOT be living with me. They can go live with your can do no wrong brother and let him deal with them. You don't owe them a darn thing because they sure didn't help you. Next thing you know they would be changing your paint colors and eating all your food. If you let them move in you will not only be sorry you will NEVER get them out. Just say NO!!!!!!!!
The timing couldn’t have been worse because just days before, I had discovered something that broke me completely. I overheard my parents talking to relatives, bragging about my brother again. But when the conversation turned to me, I froze. They said I didn’t really buy my home. They claimed my brother had helped me with the down payment, because “there’s no way he could have done this on his own.”
Not only had they dismissed my achievement, they had handed my success to the golden child. To my own family, I was still the lazy one, even after everything.
My brother who gave me the downpayment ( I actually worked my fingers to the bone to save for myself) can help you out - after all he gets credit for every good thing including those he had absolutely nothing to do with - remember? Karma should have a bit of a sting, Gee whiz you just have to be ready for being painted the inept lazy son they've always treated you as anyways ooh surprise surprise face. The good thing is undoubtedly your friends and other family probably have no delusions about exactly how the wind actually blows.
So when my parents asked to move in, I said no. Not just because of their laughter. Not just because of their favoritism. But because they had erased my achievement and handed it to someone else while I was the one breaking my back to build it.
Did I do the right thing? I’m torn in two ways. On one hand they have nowhere to go but on the other I think they should just ask my brother to help them rent a new place. After all, he did have enough money for “my downpayment,” didn’t he?
Best,
Marc
Thank you for trusting us with your story, Marc. Walking away from family expectations isn’t easy, but sometimes it’s necessary. Here’s what you can take away from this experience:
While it’s not right, it’s not uncommon for parents to have a golden child. Here’s another story of parents who played favorites.
Really? Did u really come in here to ask if you did the right thing?
Yes, your supposed to let family and the rest of the world shit all over you bc after all, you only live once right?
NOT!! Enjoy your house all by yourself
Congratulations to your home you worked hard for ,there is no reason to guilty,just be proud of yourself,I feel you made the right decision,if they ask again tell them ask your other son
My story was similar to yours. I was the ugly one, the lazy one, the dumb one and I believed it for years. But I was the only one sending them money for almost three decades now. I don't hate but I forgive after all, they raised me and I have achieved many blessings through my own sacrifices. Sometimes that criticisms and the hardship prepared us for something harder and the reward is greatness and succes though it hurts during the process. Take care.🥰
Don’t let your parents guilt you into anything you do not want to do; send them to their golden child. If they want a real relationship with you they need to demonstrate through actions that they really understand who you are and what you have accomplished; otherwise they can piss off.
I understand how you feel. Do not allow anyone to take away your sacred place or your peace. Your parents need to ask your brother for help right now. You earned that home and all your sucesses. Allowing toxicity into your home is only going to create more problems with your parents. Allow your brother to step up and for you step far far away from your parents. Im sorry they have hurt you for so many years.
Were your parents just renting a house just because yoy loose a job you dont just become homeless Cant find work get another job it would be 6 months or longer for them to go through forclousure. And then there are still oprions for them to save their home. Banks dont really like putting people out of their homes unless blackrock is waiting to pounce.
If that were the case, I doubt that they would be bragging about anything, Golden Child or not. I think that Marc would have mentioned that. But I could be wrong.
Within a week of losing his job they were going to be homeless? This story sounds off
I can tell you, it's definitely possible. A family friend went through a similar situation and they were homeless in weeks. No savings, drowned in debts, and some other *avoidable* circumstances. They were really bad with money but thankfully they're doing okay now.
Why, because you never went through it?
there's also be mention of the obvious question, why don't they move in with brother?
Because he's living in their basement
Do not under any circumstances let them move in with you
They're going to want to set you up for failure so that you lose your house then they can say see I told you soon please don't let them anywhere near your home congratulations to you and all your hard work and your achievements
Dont let them in. They will just bully you in your own home. Golden child may move in too. Keep your peace. They will figure it out.
DO NOT let them move in EVER!!!! Plus go tell ALL your relatives in a giant email that your waste of a brother DID NOT give you money for YOUR house. You did this achievement all on your own. Don't let them get away with that lie!!!
They can figure this out. They aren't homeless in a week. They can sell their home and downsize or rent. Mom can get a job. They can purchase a mobile home. They can move in with golden boy. Lots of options.
I suggest you set them down and tell them the truth of why you said no. You should also tell the family that your brother did not help you in any way that way you can't be mad to be the bad guy. It's time to tell them how you feel and after everything they have said and done now they want your help. Why not the golden child? I also advise you to have an outside family member there when you do it so they can't tell the family anything but what was really said. Always have witnesses.
Tell your parents and favorite son ...too jump in the lake. You owe nothing to any of them. No contact with all 3. Let the golden child take care of your parents
Let them move in with the golden child. Do not ever let them move in. They'll pull stuff like since the golden child helped (their opinion) you they can treat your house however they want. Including trying to get you out. I wouldnt put it past them falselify the info to get you out of YOUR house.
Where did that come from
Based on this story and the MANY others about it actually happening that way. That is where it came from.
No is a complete answer, and needs no elaboration. Family helps family is an excuse, usually when others want something from you. Disregard it. Worse to worse, you can always use the seven-word response that has worked for me forever, and if they have no answer, you know yours: what have you done for me, lately?
I personally would never let my parents live on the streets no matter what but as they lived with me I might throw it up in their face occasionally 😂
