10 Rules from an Experienced Father of Two Children
Designer Nikita Ivanov has revealed the rules that have helped him to raise two kids successfully. The Bright Side team decided to illustrate and share his magic tips.
Restrictions for your children should be concerned with the safety and personal freedom of other people. Formulate them as clearly and simply as possible. When it comes to everything else, let your child experiment freely.
Punishments are known in advance, and are inevitable and predictable. An unclear causal relationship shatters both children's and parents' nerves. Parental cries and fierce facial expressions are the symptoms that should make an adult rush to a psychiatrist.
Mom and dad are always on the same side. If mom punishes her child, dad should never cancel the punishment. This doesn't mean parents don't love their children. It's just a punishment for misbehavior.
Growing older means new opportunities, not new duties. Never tell your elder child that they're older and therefore they owe someone something. This spoils their childhood and their relationships with their younger siblings. They owe nothing, because they didn't choose to be born first.
Children are their parents' reflection. The more hysterical and restless the child is, the more calm and consistent the adult should be. Children copy adults' behavior; they see them as their role models.
Don't frighten children. Ever. No matter what it is. Forget stories along the lines of "mom will stop loving you," "a policeman will take you away," "the neighbor will come and scold you." They destroy children's minds.
Don't compare children to others. If you wish them happiness, not high marks, they don't need all this nonsense. A focus on others breaks people's mind and self-confidence. You've got your black belt in parenting when you don't even want to say to them, "You're the best!". Because "the best" is a comparison!
Give them a choice, and teach them to listen to their desires. Children who weren't asked what they wanted, and weren't given the right to choose, grow up into indecisive and unhappy adults. They can choose almost everything: the kind of breakfast they want, their toys, cartoons, clothes, and plan for the weekend.
"Do this" never works. A personal example gradually begins to work. Don't force children to do something - let them be inspired by your actions.
Love is not a part of the deal. Parents love their children not for success or good behavior. They just love them. Without any conditions.