A Father of 3 Writes a Powerful Letter to His Childless Self as a Reminder to All Husbands That Their Wives Are Real Superheroes
Making a marriage work can be hard, and becoming a new parent can double that pressure. Parents often look back and wish they’d done some things differently. So Ted Gonder, a proud father of 3, decided to give some advice to new fathers and wrote a heartwarming letter to his childless 24-year-old self. This post is a reminder to all of the husbands, that they should try to do their best to be a better partner and that they should remember how much their wives need to feel their support. Ted’s post went viral and has already gotten 71k likes and 58k shares.
We at Bright Side value love and family above all, so we’re looking forward to sharing Ted’s message. We hope it’ll help husbands realize how they can have their wives’ back during this beautiful but uneasy period.
Meet Ted and his family
“I’m now 29 and have 3 kids with my wife Franziska who carried and birthed them all like a pro. Here’s what I would tell my childless 24-year-old self about how to be a supportive partner during the ‘becoming parents’ phase.”
1. Help her recover.
“Wifey carried the baby IN her belly for 9 months. So you carry the baby ON your belly for 9 months every chance you get. Not only does it help her recover, but it bonds you to your kid more than you can imagine.”
2. Get on diaper duty.
“Wifey is breastfeeding and—while beautiful and fulfilling for her—it’s exhausting. So you change EVERY diaper you can. From diaper #1 onward. You will get over the grossness fast. And you will prevent imbalances and resentment in the relationship. In fact, when all your wife’s friends are complaining about how absent and unsupportive their husbands are, your wife will be bragging about you.”
3. Show your appreciation with simple gestures.
“Make her decaf coffee every morning. Even if she leaves it cold and forgets to drink it most mornings because she falls back asleep while you’re working or (later) taking the kids to school. She was up all night feeding the baby, so help start her day in a way that helps her reset.”
4. Remind her that she’s literally a superhero.
“Tell her she is beautiful and help her see that in the moments when she is feeling the most insecure and hopeless about her body. Remind her of times when she achieved goals in the past. Remind her she is a superhero. She literally just moved all her organs around and gained 20 kg to give you a child that will be a gift to you for the rest of your life. Help her to see past her body image issues and stay focused on a positive goal, one day at a time.”
5. Always be there for her.
“Take the heat. Hormones are crazy, both pre- and post-birth. She won’t seem like herself every day and sometimes she will say things she wouldn’t say if she didn’t feel like she was hungover, caffeinated, and on steroids every day. Remember that your job is to be her rock through all of this, so toughen up and keep perspective when her tongue is sharper than you know her best self intends. Normal will return soon and you want her to be grateful that you kept it together when she couldn’t, not resentful and disappointed that you hijacked her emotions by making her problems yours.”
Franziska responded to her husband’s post and also shared a bit of relationship advice:
Franziska says that arguing doesn’t have to harm the relationship, as long as you can learn and grow from it. Of course, things may get out of hand sometimes, but the best thing you both can do is to learn a lesson from this experience and do better next time.
Another good idea is to discuss your attitude toward important topics before you start living together. This includes everything from home duties to your vision for the future.
And she shared their key to a happy marriage:
Franziska also shared a powerful message on being a strong couple. She believes that partners should “unconditionally and continually invest in each other.” And their love for each other should be active. She is sure that love is a verb and never a subject.
Some internet users also shared their opinion and personal experience:
Others just thanked Ted for his reminder:
We wish this couple all the best and thank them for being open and unafraid of sharing their experience with the world.
Do you agree with Ted’s advice? Would you add anything to this list? We’d love to read about your personal experience in the comments.