Psychologists Explain Child-Rearing Mistakes That Even the Most Experienced Parents Can Make
According to statistics, most parents are sure that they raised their children very well. They think that they have very good pedagogical skills. However, this isn’t always true. Fathers and mothers often make the same mistakes over and over again which leads to children having fears and bad attitudes generation after generation. In this article, we will tell you how to break this vicious cycle.
Today, Bright Side has collected recommendations from psychologists from all over the world that will help parents avoid falling into the trap of negative pedagogical stereotypes.
1. Snitching is bad.
Parents keep telling their children, “Don’t snitch” and they really believe this is a good rule to follow. However, psychologists are concerned about the tendency that children have to not talk about their problems at school. Psychologists think that most children don’t talk about abuse because they are scared of being labeled as a snitch.
Instead, adults should teach their children to talk about unfair situations and support those who decide to involve parents and teachers when solving problems.
2. Children shouldn’t express their negative emotions.
Parents hate to see their children suffer whether that be crying, being angry or throwing around toys. That’s why sometimes it’s easier to shout, “Don’t cry!” instead of figuring out what the problem is.
This type of reaction to bad behavior is the worst of all because negative emotions need to find a way out in order not to crowd the nervous system. This is a cornerstone of psychological health. The ability to express negative emotions is a feature that adult people have. It is something that your child will definitely need in the future so they should start developing it now.
3. Teachers, friends, and neighbors should like the child.
All parents dream of their children living in peace with others. They never want them to hear an insult or have any conflicts with their peers. In trying to achieve this, they sometimes choose the tactic of “being good to everyone”.
Of course, it’s very important to be able to go with the flow and communicate with others respectfully. But don’t go too far trying to please everyone. Because in order to make other people like you, you often have to sacrifice your own interests and goals.
4. Those who don’t do well in school won’t get a good job when they grow up.
Many parents believe that the success of their child in school directly correlates with their success in adult life. Of course, education plays a big role but it’s not the only factor in being successful.
Howard Gardner of Harvard has identified seven distinct intelligences and he believes that most IQ-tests only estimate one level of logic while ignoring the visual-spatial, bodily-kinesthetic, musical and other types of intelligence. A number of studies prove that emotional intelligence plays a huge role in the success of a person as they grow up.
5. Children should have the most expensive and advanced tools and toys.
American sociologists claim that the amount of money parents spend on their children is growing every year. This makes many families not want to have children in the first place.
Ashley Eneriz, a mother and a financial specialist, is convinced that parents spend way more than necessary when it comes to their children. Ashley recommends to really think about if the things you buy for your child are really necessary. Maybe you’re trying to give your children something you didn’t have in your childhood? Or are you trying to smooth out your psychological mistakes?
Saving money on your children doesn’t make you a bad parent. On the contrary, thrifty parents can be a great role model for their children and teach them not to spend money on useless things.
6. A punishment should mean that a child loses something.
Psychologists are sure that depriving a child of something is not an effective form of punishment. This is one of the most dangerous features of a toxic parent — playing god, punishing children and only then, forgiving them. And the rules of this game are not always clear since the punishment often depends on the parents’ mood.
Depriving a child of something they love, or time with their friends won’t teach them anything good. On the contrary, the child will understand that someone who has power can do whatever they want.
7. Parents should entertain children all the time.
“I don’t want my child to be bored,” is what many parents say when they send them to extracurricular classes or when they buy new educational toys. They try to make sure that a child doesn’t have a single moment of boredom. Such parents make this mistake because they think that their most important job is to keep their children constantly entertained.
However, psychologists claim that children will never learn to be on their own if parents don’t give them a chance to.
8. Children have to share their toys.
Many parents believe that children need to be taught to share. This is a mistake. Children who are forced to share something are believed to actually want to. On the contrary, they will be more thrifty — you never know when your parents will make you show how generous you are.
Psychologists recommend putting yourself in this position. Would you like to share your personal belongings with a person you hardly know? Would you take off your favorite shirt just because your neighbor liked it? We don’t think you would.
Do you think you’re a good parent? Share your experience in the comment section below!
Illustrated by Natalia Tylosova for BrightSide.me