Why the Absence of Limits for Your Child Is One of the Worst Types of Abuse
No rules are usually associated with freedom and a carefree childhood. In reality, parents who don't set any rules might raise irresponsible, anxious, and dependent individuals. Later in life, they may struggle to keep up with the outside world. It turns out that children actually crave order and boundaries from their parents, even if they claim the opposite, psychologists say.
Bright Side explains today why it's important for parents and children to have rules at home. In the bonus, we included some tips that can help you to establish your own set of rules in your family.
Kids won't learn how to control their emotions.
If kids have no limits in anything they do and know that they can get anything they want with a minimal amount of effort, they can get to be pretty demanding. If it happens that they face any push back from their parents, they can get frustrated and even throw a tantrum. If parents decide to indulge or to help their child just to please them, the child will never learn how to deal with negative emotions and calm down.
They know no responsibilities.
Not setting limits for your child from the beginning can lead to other behavioral problems. Kids who are used to having everything go their way might grow to be disrespectful to others. Mothers who let their children not help with chores because the kids don't want to help, will end up with lazy and selfish teenagers. This inability to take responsibility for things can negatively affect their adulthood.
They are dependent on their parents.
A lack of rules can also be the result of overprotective parenting: not wanting the child to get hurt, not wanting the child to worry, always wanting to surround them with positive emotions, etc. At the end of the day, children are not even able to make decisions for themselves - they get used to the fact that mom and dad can get this job done way better than they can. This can make children be less open to new ideas and actions, and prevent them from creating their own lives.
This brings stress into their lives.
With the intention of trying to give a carefree childhood to their kids, parents set a big trap - these children won't learn how to cope with the problems that appear around them. If they don't know how to manage things themselves, then they will constantly need someone to help them stay in control. Later, this helplessness can lead them to many psychological problems, like constant anxiety.
They might feel that all the rules can be broken.
Children who are not used to hearing "no" in their homes usually also don't want to accept any prohibitions in the outside world. They might think that there is no responsibility or punishment for the things they do, so they might decide to ignore any rules that come their way - like at school, when it comes to local laws, or even something worse. These children can have a strong feeling that they are the only ones who give the orders and that everyone around should follow them.
Bonus: How to set up rules for your children
- Make the rules simple - they should be clear and understandable for everyone.
- Use positive language - motivate your children to follow the rules.
- Be consistent - teach your children the consequences of their actions and don't change the rules according to your mood.
- Be logical - make sure that the limit is manageable for you and your child.
- Don't forget to encourage - tell your child how proud you are of them and treat them with something nice!
Do you have a set of rules at home? What are they? Or do you prefer giving your child a limit-free environment? Let's discuss it all in the comment section!