9 Things That Scream, “I’m Not a Good Person”
Recently there was an interesting discussion on Reddit about the horrible qualities that make you stay away from a person. Users shared their life experience and recognize the “narcissist” in their friends or relatives. And it looks like some of them are very fed up with the rude behavior of others.
We at Bright Side decided to dig deeper into some of the threads and find the psychological explanation of a “bad” person.
1. Avoiding responsibilities
“Avoiding your responsibilities and sticking someone else with the bill” was called out as one of the bad qualities on Reddit. Fear of taking any kind of responsibility can cause a psychological disorder.
A person, for example, can have a panic attack whenever they unconsciously realize that there is an obligation. It may happen for different reasons:
1. Low tolerance to negative emotions
2. Lack of courage
3. Low self-esteem
4. Fear of making mistakes and fear of failure
2. Inability to accept criticism
Ouch. No one wants to be criticized. It hurts, but sometimes people can’t even swallow the simple truths about themselves. But being open to new information means an ability to change for the better. “Taking any kind of criticism or conflicting opinion as a personal attack” is not cool, according to Reddit users.
And if we can take criticism, we can grow. But there is still the question of why some of people can be so closed-minded:
1. They don’t rationalize.
2. They don’t want to make excuses.
3. They don’t minimize the problem.
4. They don’t want to share the blame.
3. Making fun of other people’s appearances
People often insult each other intentionally, and the emotional scars from this linger for quite a while. People have a need to feel unique from others, but humiliation is not the right way to go about this.
Mocking another person for his or her appearance or views can cause a huge problem for both parties. It is difficult to manage your anger when you hear someone making fun of you or bullying you. In any case it’s better to:
1. Make eye contact and pause instantly.
2. Walk away and don’t react.
3. Minimize your contact with the aggressor.
4. Inability to apologize
If I did it, it wasn’t that bad. And if you are hurt, you deserve it. Words like this can finish off a man. Instead of an apology, you get aggression. Public opinion confirms: “I hate when someone just gives a vague “sorry.”
The reason why they do this can vary:
1. They’re afraid of taking responsibilities.
2. They don’t want to feel a shame that can be really unbearable for them. So each time they will try to make the situation even worse, than ruin a perfect image about themselves.
5. Being disrespectful to people and their work
Being disrespectful to other people and to their work doesn’t help anyone. You just watch with an open mouth and you can’t believe that a person is serious. People who often behave disrespectfully to others may have:
1. A form of self-protection against feelings of inadequacy, or
2. A different style of communication that easily triggers misunderstandings.
6. Being 2-faced
You meet someone who might talk to you nicely and even invite you for coffee, but then you find out that they say you are a freak behind your back. Betrayal!
“Back-stabbing people appear to be nice and helpful to your face, but sing a completely different tune behind your back.” These people may not like the other person, but they don’t have anyone else at the moment or they are afraid of confrontation and aggression.
It is better to:
1. Confirm your suspicions and not be in a rush to blame.
2. Get distant from this person.
3. Avoid revenge.
4. Have a frank and tough discussion with this person.
7. Applying certain rules to specific people, but not to themselves
Hypocrisy is not a result of having double standards, but pretending you have one standard when you don’t have any. Saying one thing and doing another is not that rare.
1. The best way to get a reputation for fairness is to be fair. But since this is easier said than done, we more often choose appearance over reality.
2. Self-deception. Benjamin Franklin confirmed that humans exert very little effort to get real evidence when making decisions. Moreover, humans tend to think highly of themselves, and overlook weakness and failures.
3. Self-ignorance. Psychological researchers found that humans are accurate in their perceptions of others, but generally inaccurate in their perceptions of themselves.
8. Never tipping, even when you can afford it
One research study showed that the extroverted qualities that people from certain cultures have are directly related to how much they tip — the more extroverted, the larger the tip. We have several different motivations for tipping:
1. Encouraging better service on the next visit
2. Rewarding a server
3. Gaining social approval
9. Being envious, even for a small win
People get envious sometimes when they see you succeed. This could even include your best friend. But anyone can get envious and it’s a different story when you spoil someone’s moment who shared a victory with you.
Darwin’s theory of evolution says that humans behave in this way to enhance their individual survival. It drives a person. There are different styles of dealing with this, for example:
1. Always keeping your good qualities in mind.
2. Staying focused on something different, rather than being self-focused.
How do you normally react when a person is rude? Do you know of any qualities that can make anyone a dreadful human being to be around? Please, share your comments with us below!
Illustrated by Leisan Gabidullina, Polina Chernevina for BrightSide.me