15 Myths About Intimate Relations We Need to Let Go
Couples are taking relationship myths too seriously, and reality has taken a back seat. Why do we say this? Because we come across so many statistics where couples are shown as unhappy in their relationships. According to these statistics, the average married couple has sex 68.5 times a year, which is almost once a week. Also, 6 out of 10 couples have admitted that they are unhappy in their relationship.
Here at Bright Side, we aim to bust many myths that have been eating up healthy relationships. It’s better to be informed than misinformed.
1. Good couples have similar sexual preferences.
So does this mean that a couple who has a difference of opinion on things like intimacy and sex is not a good couple? We discard that as a myth.
Every individual has a set of needs that may vary from another person’s. Words like “sex” and “intimacy” have a very subjective meaning, that is, to each his own. Couples may have different preferences, and good couples realize and fulfill that.
2. It’s pretty normal that cuddling and gestures decrease with time.
A lot of people will tell you that romantic gestures decrease over time. But doesn’t that mean you are losing the attraction toward your partner? That you don’t get butterflies in your stomach when seeing them or goosebumps when they touch you? OK, if that sounds too much, let us come to what is required.
Sometimes, partners have a lot of expectations from each other that may include public displays of affection. However, a lack of affection is surely not a good sign. Don’t let your relationship die by talking about errands (mostly on your cell phones), nonromantic lunches, and so on. Make time for each other, and feel loved with each passing day.
3. Men are generally more sexual than women.
Well, not necessarily. It varies from person to person. Women may have a higher libido in some couples. As per Edward O. Laumann, PhD, “Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to environment and context.” Thus, even if your lady partner is taking the lead, don’t let it bother your masculine ego.
4. Opposites attract.
If you have similar eating habits, you will have more fun exploring and eating out. In a similar way, if adventure, love, and intimacy mean the same to you, things might not get as fussy. So if you both happen to be alike, where does the phrase “opposites attract” fit?
We should not always go by the book. There are several things in life that happen with experience, including love and intimacy. There can be a difference of opinions about music or perhaps religion, but if you share a mutual value system with your partner, it works wonders. It is much easier to grow old with a like-minded person.
5. Happy couples have sex daily.
Is sex really a prerequisite to a happy relationship? We would like to disagree here. It is sometimes situational. And having sex daily does not give you the title of a happy couple. Intimacy is not a task but an experience. You only have it if you want it.
As per Terri Orbuch, PhD, a Michigan clinical psychologist and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, “Frustration is the number one thing that eats away at a relationship. It’s directly tied to these myths.”
6. There are no secrets in a relationship.
They say you should discuss everything with your partner and that they should know you in and out. However, there are situations in life where it is better not to spill the beans. He doesn’t need to know that some guy at a party you went to with your friends was hitting on you if it all ended innocently; she doesn’t have to be aware of the fact that you don’t like her favorite dress. These are little secrets you can keep to yourself, and they’re perfectly harmless.
7. Happy couples should sleep in the spoon position.
The spoon position is one of the classic sleeping positions in which one partner gives a protective hug to the other from the back. Patti Wood, an author and body language expert, says, “It’s a very vulnerable position that’s sexual but says, ’I trust you.’ ” Thus, many tend to believe it’s the only sleep position if you love each other.
However, in fact, it’s only true for 18% of couples. Others prefer different positions, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Sleep as you like!
8. It’s not good to go to bed with your partner in an angry mood.
It is not necessary to finish all fights then and there. Give it some time. Don’t let the argument turn into a bad fight just because you want to have a good night of sleep. Chances are, you won’t get one after the matter goes out of hand.
If you get into an argument with your partner before you go to bed, judge the intensity of the argument and your partner’s anger. Only then should you decide whether you want to take up the issue there and then or wait until morning.
9. Physical attraction is a prerequisite for any relationship.
It is true that the eyes speak before the tongue, but a good conversation lasts longer than a selfie. We may be physically attracted to someone, but it’s only mental frequency that has a long-lasting connection.
10. A good relationship has no conflicts.
This one sounds too fake and filmy. In fact, it may also indicate that you are not discussing issues at all, which is worse than a conflict situation. It is necessary to talk things out with your partner.
A difficult argument or a messy conversation is way better than oppressed feelings. It is always advised to keep things transparent for a happy relationship.
11. Your partner will always agree with your definition of intimacy.
Again, not necessarily. Give your partner the freedom to voice their choices, and don’t just ask them to agree with you. They may have a different definition of intimacy. In such situations, you can openly discuss your preferences with each other.
12. Being attracted to another is bad and can lead to a breakup.
It is human to feel attracted to another human, and it does not matter if you are already in a relationship or not. What makes a difference is how you handle that attraction. You will surely let it pass as any normal fling.
However, it would not be wise to call it infidelity. Feelings come naturally, and it’s the decision taken mindfully that counts.
13. A good relationship should always put you in a happy mood.
Even the happiest of couples go through mood changes, and it is pretty normal human behavior. There is life beyond love as well. We all go through several ups and downs, whether personally or professionally.
You can discuss it with your partner to feel better, but this doesn’t mean you can’t feel sad. It is very natural to feel sad sometimes, not because you don’t have a happy relationship but because you just had a mood swing.
14. Couples should have sex X times a day/week/month.
No one can definitively decide on the frequency of sex as it differs from couple to couple. Even between partners, the amount of sex should not come with rules and regulations. Sex drives vary from person to person. If the frequency was fixed, you would start considering even a nymphomaniac as normal.
It is not the number of times you have sex that you have to think about but the fulfillment it gives you.
15. Having a baby will solve all problems.
Yes, having a baby is a wonderful experience. But don’t count it as a means of growth in your relationship. The fact is, a baby can be a cause of stress for you and your partner. When all the time is devoted to the baby, partners sometimes feel the gap increasing. Added to that, a major decrease in sexual activity often occurs.
Thus, be ready for the baby beforehand, discuss things with your partner, and prepare to face all kinds of situations. Most of all, plan a family only if you are both in an emotionally healthy relationship.
Have we missed anything? Do let us know how many of the above myths were enlightening to you.
Illustrated by Sergey Raskovalov for BrightSide.me