7 Honest Reasons Why Longterm Relationships Can End Quickly After Marriage
When we’re in a lasting relationship with someone we love, it’s only natural to think about the next step: marriage. The idea of getting married makes us a little overexcited and brings a wide smile to our face. Living together with someone you love forever sounds perfect, but reality differs from the fiction we’ve grown up reading about and watching in movies.
When you’re married, not every day will be a fairytale even though you love each other. Just because 2 people have been in a relationship for a long time doesn’t mean they’ll have a marriage straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel. With marriage come great responsibility and most people who jump into planning their wedding day and perfect honeymoon often forget that, leading to a messy divorce later on.
We at Bright Side have identified brutally honest reasons why couples who are in long term relationships end up divorcing each other soon after getting married even though they’ve been in love for a long time.
1. Lack of commitment
When you’re young, in love, and in a relationship, you find new ways every now and then to make your partner feel special. You never miss a chance to tell your other half how much they mean to you. You feel grateful to have them in your life and you’d do anything to keep them with you.
On the other hand, when you’re married, you start taking your partner for granted. You don’t appreciate them as much as you used to before and slowly, you start bridging a gap between the 2 of you.
2. You were overly affectionate in the beginning.
According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, couples who are overly affectionate during the beginning of their relationships are more likely to get divorced after getting married. When you display constant affection toward your spouse all the time, to the point that your “surprises” don’t even surprise them anymore, things start to get a little boring after marriage.
This not only makes your partner feel that there’s nothing exciting left to do in your relationship, but it also puts you under immense pressure. In fact, you start feeling that your efforts are going unnoticed and not being received properly. You then start to feel less desirable.
3. It wasn’t really “love”.
The worst mistake we all make is confusing love with infatuation. People in long-term relationships confuse being in love with being comfortable around a person and that’s where they go wrong. It’s usually after they get married that they realize they weren’t really in love.
Being in love with somebody and being fond of them are 2 entirely different things! But by the time couples realize this, it’s often too late.
4. Your needs have changed.
People change with time and so do their needs! Recently, celebrity power-couple Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth, who have been dating for years, got divorced only a few months after getting married. Wondering why this happened? It’s because their priorities changed. In a public statement, the couple’s rep revealed that the 2 have agreed to separate as they wish to grow, and want to focus on themselves and their careers.
Change is inevitable and it comes with time. You can either grow and move forward with your partner or you can simply focus on yourself and your goals first. Marriage is beautiful but it also requires a high level of commitment, patience, and love which is the reason why after getting married, people start to feel burdened by the responsibility and prefer to be on their own to focus on their individual goals.
5. You just wanted to get settled.
Getting married for any reason other than love is just not going to work out. Marrying a person who you’ve dated for a long time simply because you don’t wish to go out there and do it all over again should never be a reason to get married. By doing this, you will simply waste your time and your partners. The marriage will soon fall apart due to a lack of love in the relationship.
Everybody wishes to settle down one day but you shouldn’t let peer pressure or any kind of societal expectations get the best of you. Marriage is like a bicycle that needs 2 equally dedicated tires to climb up the journey called life. If you or your longtime partner feel that you are not ready to take the next step, listen to your gut!
6. You discovered a new side of your partner.
Being in a long-term relationship doesn’t mean you know everything about your partner. When you get married and start to live together, juggling through life every day, you’ll discover new things about your lover — some interesting and some “bad”.
Disloyalty, dishonesty, money issues, insecurities, and over-possessiveness are some of the major red flags people discover in their relationships after getting married which often leads to their separation.
7. You didn’t “click” like you thought you would.
Most of us have unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships and marriage. The image of the ’perfect happy life’ pops up in our heads thanks to having been brainwashed by movies and it’s not even close to reality. Your partner is not going to complete your sentences or memorize everything you like. Not every day is going to be full of sunshine. There will be times where your partner feels a little off and days when you need your space. Marriages work on mutual understanding.
Couples who rush into getting married without giving it deep thought, thinking that everything will work out because they have known each other for so long, end up divorcing each other after only a few months because they’re likely not mentally ready for the responsibilities that come with the entire package. They feel disappointed when reality hits them and overwhelmed by the commitment marriage requires to function correctly.
Have you ever had your heart broken by a loved one? What do you think is the secret to a happy marriage? Share your stories with us in the comments!