8 Hidden Psychological Problems Your Partner Might Have If They Check Your Phone
Getting a sneak peek at your spouse’s texts can be really tempting, especially if you know that they will never find out about this small act of mischief from your side. In fact, studies show that 34% of women and 62% of men snoop on their partner’s phone from time to time. And the reason for this snooping is not only jealousy. It turns out, there could be some deeper psychological motives that could push your better half into checking these messages and other personal data on your phone.
Bright Side found out 8 reasons why your partner might be trying to snoop on you and what it means for your relationship.
8. Your partner has low self-esteem.
Although a snooper might think that it is the other person who they do not trust, it is actually the opposite. In most cases, when someone looks through their partner’s text messages, emails, DMs, and so on, they’re worried that they are not enough (or, on the contrary, too much), and feel the need to search for validation.
Even in a stable, long-term relationship, these people believe that their partner deserves someone better and, consequently, can be easily attracted to another person.
7. Your partner is not satisfied with the relationship.
In a healthy relationship, both partners trust each other unconditionally and respect each other’s rights to privacy, personal space, and having a life that extends past the time they spend together. But if one of them feels a strong urge to snoop, this might be the reason to seriously question the relationship.
Perhaps your partner just isn’t sure that you’re heading in the right direction. Or perhaps they haven’t decided yet if they want to be with you or not. Either way, snooping might point out that you and your partner have completely different values, and you should talk about them as soon as possible.
6. Your partner might be thinking of cheating on you.
An unhealthy curiosity toward your personal life might actually be a warning sign for you as it can be a projection of your partner’s deep thoughts. In other words, if a person suspects that something inappropriate is going to happen or is already happening, this person might be the one who is actually doing these inappropriate acts.
5. Your partner has trust issues.
Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. And how easy you find it to trust someone is greatly affected by your past experiences. So if your partner thinks that you’re lying to them, most likely they’ve been lied to or cheated on in the past.
After such a bad experience, a person usually becomes hypersensitive and any innocent gesture or word said by you can raise the alarm in their mind. In this case, your slightly-paranoid partner should understand that their snooping is connected to their own issues and not to your actions.
4. Your partner is unable to set healthy boundaries.
In every relationship, there should be boundaries, and violating them is never OK — your partner has to understand this. So if you make it clear that you respect your personal space and won’t allow anybody to invade it, your partner should accept your need for privacy, even if it’s greater than theirs.
The inability to maintain those boundaries by constantly checking your phone might be the very first sign that you’ll feel uncomfortable with this person in future. As a rule, if someone doesn’t pay attention to the simple things that are actually important for you, they will be more likely to violate the emotional, physical, or any other boundaries that you set.
3. Your partner is afraid of talking openly.
If you’ve noticed that your better half is being shady and has started checking your phone instead of expressing their feelings openly and honestly to you, this could be a sign that they’re actually hiding something.
Either it’s just simple nonsense or a real act of cheating, you can only find out if you ask them directly what’s going on. A worthy partner won’t refuse your invitation to talk and will be open to discuss whatever comes up in your relationship.
2. Your partner needs attention.
Sit down and try to remember how often you talked to your partner during the last month. Did you communicate like you usually do or was there a significant decline in the amount of time you spent together? If you 2 haven’t had a good old talk for a really long time, you’ve just found the reason for your partner’s strange behavior.
In some cases, a communication breakdown makes a person do things they aren’t proud of, like checking your phone, for example. Your partner just feels curious about what is going on in your life and wants to spend more time with you, but, for some reason, you can’t open yourself up to that.
1. Your partner is not ready for a serious relationship.
If your partner prefers checking your phone behind your back over actually talking to you, this might be a sign that they’re just not mature enough to be in a relationship. They can explain their behavior this way — they just want to know who called you and that’s all, no jealousy. But, instead of playing hide-and-seek on the phone, they could just go straight to the source and ask you directly about it.
If a person can’t ask you such a simple question, imagine how they’ll feel when you need to talk about more serious topics, like moving in together or planning a family. So, they’re probably just not ready to build a serious relationship at this particular time.
Have you ever checked your partner’s phone? Were they okay with that? Please share your opinion in the comments!
Illustrated by Polina Chernevina for BrightSide.me