8 Myths About Married Life You Can Ignore From Now On, Says a Couples Therapist
Our society has gotten used to making rules about what we should do to be happy in a marriage. But some psychologists say that we created lots of myths, which actually interfere with balanced relationships. In this article, you will find some of them and, probably, have a fresh new view of family life.
We at Bright Side try to study how to build healthy relationships from different angles and hope that the professional opinion of therapists John M. Gottman and Larry Shushansky will be useful for you.
1. Your spouse should be your best friend and there should be a deal between the 2 of you.
Some research shows that close relationships affect our sense of well-being. There can be different ways of connecting for a couple. But still, therapists say that there is no such rule that says that your partner should be your best friend or a person who literally knows everything that’s going on with you. And they shouldn’t scratch your back each time you ask them to.
It is okay to have some space and gossip with your childhood friend, instead of your spouse. You should have the relationship you both desire and believe is healthy.
2. Having to work hard in a relationship means you’re with the wrong person.
If your marriage is not a fairytale, it’s totally normal. A relationship is a journey and if a couple is together for a long time and still happy, it means there has been a lot of work put into it.
We all have issues, but self-awareness helps us get to a new level. Being stuck on the thought that your partner doesn’t understand you won’t lead to anything. Even if there is some discomfort, it’s totally fine. Just work on it. There is no Mr. or Mrs. Right.
3. Marriage is your life’s goal.
Relationships can’t help you to find yourself or be yourself. If you are depressed, you need to find the root of the problem and remember that marriage can’t fix it.
But the thing you can do is to develop healthy communication skills. Plus you should know that there is no such thing as perfection.
4. Happy couples never argue and always equally compromise.
According to psychologists, conflict is part of a normal intimate relationship. If the 2 of you argue, there is no need to think that everything should be over. You simply can’t avoid fights in any relationship.
Yes, happy couples also fight, but the main thing is to come to the right conclusions, forgive each other, and have a long talk, says Larry Shushansky.
5. Always being nice and flexible makes a happy marriage.
Sacrificing and victimizing yourself all the time is not a sign of a balanced marriage. It is great when you love a person so much, that you don’t expect anything in return, but in practice, you should respect yourself first. Doctor Larry Shushansky says unconditional love is manipulative and emotionally suppressive.
Mutual awareness and sharing are important for all couples. It is possible to have a peaceful relationship and there should be reasonable conditions and limits that a partner must meet.
6. Happy couples do everything together and fulfill all of each other’s needs.
Therapists confirm that oversharing can lead to decreased intimacy. Married people need friends too and taking a break from each other is healthy. It is important to have your own private hobbies and a separate life, and it is normal to go out with friends without your spouse sometimes. It all depends on how you interact while trying to pursue those interests.
7. Stress is bad for relationships.
Stress is not always bad for your relationship. There are some challenges that push you to grow, like getting married, deciding to have kids, or changing your job.
Moreover, tension helps to make relationships dynamic, and not stagnant. Just don’t look at other couples and take care of your own family, instead of getting neurotic because of stereotypes. Even neuroses and personality problems won’t ruin it.
8. Monogamy means less passion.
There are many examples among celebrities who have been together for a very long time and are absolutely not bored with each other. Doctor Gottman says that couples get divorced, not because of an affair or boredom, but rather in an effort to find friendship and support in someone else.
If you are married and have one partner, it doesn’t mean that you are unsatisfied. Just communicate with each other and try to figure out what you’re lacking.
What other stereotypes about marriage life are false, according to you? Do you believe there is a pattern for healthy relationships? Please write about your life experience below!