If You and Your Partner Have Survived These 6 Rough Phases, Your Marriage Is Likely to Last Forever

Relationships
7 months ago

A healthy marriage is not a gift, but our own choice and hard work on ourselves. Everyone has problems and misunderstandings in their relationship. Sometimes it feels like it is easier to give up. While that may be true, it’s less of a challenge than to keep on moving through all the phases. But if you chose to be together despite it all, you can get a real treasure.

1. Criticism

Not everyone can take criticism, but when it is very straightforward, it can become a huge problem, especially between partners.

Dr. John Gottman writes in his book The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse when you criticize your spouse, you’re trying to say that there is something wrong with them. Using words like “you always” or “you never” are very common and don’t lead to a positive result. Most likely your partner will start to defend themselves.

2. Resistance and stonewalling

Most of us have probably experienced a moment where our partner has started building a wall and doesn’t want to talk or solve a problem. It seems like they don’t care at all and are just ignoring you.

Dr. John Gottman says that 80% of men are like this. It looks like he doesn’t care, but actually, he really does. It is important to learn how to identify the signs of when your spouse is emotionally overwhelmed and to not push them.

If the problem needs to be discussed it is always better to pick the right time when you are more calm.

3. Attraction to someone else

This might be not easy to digest, but 70% of women in relationships admit that they have crushes. The attraction is a normal feeling and it doesn’t mean that they’re going to cheat.

The important thing is to not act on these feelings and to be totally conscious of what you are doing. Don’t close yourself off from your partner just because you are confused right now. There can be many temptations in your life, but trust is one of the most valuable things in a relationship.

4. Contempt

Contempt comes from moral superiority. It can be sarcasm, eye-rolling, and hostile humor and it is always destructive for any relationship.

You need to learn how to express appreciation and gratitude. It is like a mirror. The more positive you feel, the less you express contempt.

It is hard to work on yourself, but it’s worth it. Your partner should see and hear that you show love, not just irritation.

4. Expressing anger.

Children, financial crisis, toxic family members, and all those things all together can be overwhelming and that’s how you arrive at this stage. You don’t want to do anything but leave. This stage can happen at any time in the relationship.

Never forget that challenges are a part of our life and that it is all temporary. If you can manage the hardest times together, your connection will grow. Marriage is not just about sharing joy and happiness, but also about sharing problems.

5. Acceptance and forgiveness

This is the stage where we finally understand the fact that we are never going to solve problems in a way like we did before and we have to figure out a more peaceful way of living together. Everyone has their own ways: some talk to close friends and family, others read self-help books.

Now we are ready to forgive our spouses for their stubbornness. Accepting the good with the bad brings us to a new level. Fights happen less frequently and we find that we are not so emotional anymore.

6. Together at last

After overcoming all the stages, hard work, and pain you get a real jewel. You don’t struggle anymore together, you have your own agreements with your partner, and you learn how to solve problems and not run away from challenges.

Now you share a history. At this phase, you understand that marriage hasn’t been easy, but you can be proud of yourself. Appreciation is very important. It makes you feel secure about your partner. Now you are together at last.

Comments

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A true fact about every married couple. I can relate all the these phases with our married life which is now 5 yrs old. Though we were engaged for around 7 yrs before marriage and thought we are now matured enough to progress further, but real "Marriage" showed us it's actually not that simple. Lots of hurdles, fights and misunderstandings back to back from very first day of our marriage ! Even someday we thought of get divorced rather than bearing such a painful burden every day. But slowly I learned to ignore most of the issues usual in every other day, and to be happy with whoever and whatever I have rather than judging every unwanted events happening around me. I understood that sometimes distance is also a magical medicine for both to realize that any kind of issue is less important than your love and togetherness. And I must admire my husband who always stays beside me (may be not physically always, but just to listen to me!). So now we can see us together to cross all those storms in life and have faith on God !

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I think ignoring won't work all the time, as people might start overthinking alter and this is not good for hte relationship.. I think it's always better to discuss problems and try to find the solution

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I'm not married (yet :D) but some of these things can be seen in just a relationship aswell.

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