Divorce is so common nowadays, and it hurts to look at the statistics. Yet everyone wants to have a happy marriage for years to come. Bright Side put together a list of advice from psychologists and people’s personal experiences on how to avoid mistakes and save your marriage.
Mutual respect is a pillar of a happy marriage. Even when you’re angry, express yourself through the prism of respect. Respect allows you to avoid situations where one of the partners feels that the other half is manipulating and putting pressure on them.
Don’t compare your partner with other people’s husbands and wives, especially someone on social network sites like Instagram or Facebook. This goes for in your thoughts and out loud.
Remember that people often choose to show not their reality but their desired picture of life and relationships. So when other husbands shower their ladies with bouquets, take them to expensive restaurants, or buy them gifts, it’s most likely false. Even if they do, it does not necessarily mean that those couples are happy.
Always take care of yourself. A happy marriage is all about good sex. People love to see what is attractive. Stay fit and healthy. Think about the way you look when you’re in front of your partner, even at home. Old jogging pants and oversized T-shirts are a no-no. A well-built body and comfy yet sexy loungewear? That’s a big yes. This rule applies to both men and women.
Parenthood is all about being selflessly there for your children, but it will be a mistake if you sacrifice your marriage for it. First, if children are all you need in the world, that is bad, especially for your child. Second, a married couple is the center of the family. And third, one day the children will grow up and leave your house. That is when you 2 will be left on your own and find yourself with a common ground and history. Or maybe you will see that nothing is left of your marriage, just a person you’re not that fond of anymore. Ask yourself if you really want this to happen.
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Any relationship brings misunderstandings and hurt between partners. If a couple cannot forgive one another, then over time, the relationship will collapse under the burden of accumulated grievances.
People are mistaken to think that one can change her or his spouse. Everyone has their drawbacks, and it’s almost impossible to make them into the person you want them to be. Things you should never ever try to change are bad habits, religious views, relationships with parents, hobbies, the way they see this world, and what they make their priorities. But a good thing to do is create mutual family habits and traditions that everyone will find pleasing.
Try to avoid phrases like “If this continues, I will leave you.“ And never say the word ”divorce.“ If you are going to say it, then be ready to go and see a lawyer. Don’t crawl back on your knees later with the words, “I did not mean it.” Your partner might suddenly say, ”Fine. Leave."
Such phrases, often said in anger, are not forgotten. Even after you make up, it will only increase the chances of an actual divorce.
Try to tell yourself "Stop!" whenever you want to insult your loved one. If you feel that you can’t control yourself, take a break, take a deep breath, and go for a walk. Just do not use it to punish your partner with isolation. Tell them that you will return to the conversation when you have calmed down. And by all means, keep your word.
Never say bad things about your partner to others. Not to your mother. Not even to your friends. After your quarrel, you will forget everything and forgive each other, but your mother and girlfriends will not. That is when your partner will remain in a negative light for them, and they will treat him or her badly.
When things are really difficult, first have a heart-to-heart talk with your spouse. If you really must share with someone else, contact a family psychologist
Everyone speaks their own language of love. Yours may differ from the love language of your partner. To speak love, he may manifest it with words of support and praise, perhaps with touch and care, or even with material things like gifts.
Each of us has a language of love. Whatever your partner’s love language is, learn it and use it.
Illustrated by Anna Syrovatkina for BrightSide.me