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Bright Side

18 Unpredictable Buyers That Made Sellers Laugh Their Heads Off

Supermarket employees often share the funny interactions they have with their shoppers in different online forums. Turns out, sometimes they get forest elves and Cherokee Indians as shoppers, while bodybuilders melt like ice cream at the sight of a rug decorated with kittens.

Today Bright Side collected stories from the users of Reddit, Pikabu, and Overhear. Each of them could easily get an award for Best Plot.

  • My favorite was the guy who came in and said, “I lost the remote so I need a new TV.” I asked him if the TV was broken. It wasn’t, he just lost the remote and didn’t want to bother finding it, so he wanted a new TV. I showed him our selection of universal remotes....he responded with “but then I’d have to program it. The new TV comes with a pre-programmed remote.” So I sold the guy a 50-inch TV.

  • I work as a shop assistant in the department of wooden toys and building blocks for kids. Once, I helped a father who was pushing his kid in a stroller. The boy wasn’t looking at the toys — he was staring at me. His father sighed and said, “Sorry, Max, but I can’t buy this girl for you.” He sighed once again and they left.
  • One guy tried to return a mango to our market saying he doesn’t need it anymore. The fruit was already divided into 3 parts and put back together with an adhesive tape. I even took a picture of it.
  • I’ve had people return sliced watermelon, steak with grill marks, an empty cake box because they already ate the cake but it had too much icing, extremely used vacuum cleaners, and half-empty paint cans.
  • A man tried “explaining” to me that he needed a clamp for the drain hose of his washing machine.
    — Do you need a hose clamp?
    — Yes! My wife told me we need a hose clamp.
    — Do you need a turn-key clamp or a worm gear hose clamp?
    — My wife told me we need a worm gear hose clamp.
  • It was February in northern Illinois. The temperature outside at 2 AM was about 6 degrees. At about 2:30 AM, I get a call over the walkie-talkie to come up to the pharmacy saying, “You’ve got to see this.” I went up to the pharmacy and see 2 younger guys, one was dressed in a lifeguard’s outfit complete with a thick coating of sunscreen on his nose. The other one was dressed in a head-to-toe walrus costume. I half-followed these guys through the store to make sure that they weren’t going to do something stupid like pull fire alarms, etc. and they finally made a purchase. The lifeguard found some sunscreen in the clearance aisle, and the walrus got a pack of salmon from the seafood department. They paid with cash and went on their way.
  • This one guy would come by maybe once a week, chat for maybe 10 minutes, and leave. One day he told me that his ancestors are Cherokee Indians. At this point, I’m thinking, “Yeah, sure buddy.” Where I’m from, everyone claims to have Cherokee background. So this man proceeds to explain to me that the other side of his family are wood elves and that the wood elves had close relationships with the Cherokee Indians. He “proved” this point to me by showing me how pointy his ears were. I could not think of a single thing to say to this guy, so I just kind of smiled and nodded in some sort of agreement.
  • One woman has built a stack made of 40 cans of cats food in the aisle of the supermarket. Then she took several cans from the stack and went to the cashier desk.
  • I work in a chain store that has a bunch of locations around the city and I once helped a shopper that was beyond annoying to me. After she knew she had completely annoyed me, she decided to fill out an application form for an open position in this store. Obviously, I threw her application away as soon as she left. But she went to another store in our chain and applied for the same job there. She passed the interview and was sent to work in our store. I actually ended up having to become friends with her.
  • I work as a cashier in a supermarket. When I start feeling bored, I play a game with myself called “What’s the buyer going to have for dinner tonight?” I try to guess it according to the products I scan. If a client is in a good mood I might even say my guess out loud, “Are you going to have lasagna?” If my guess is confirmed by the buyer, I get double points!
  • That guy is wearing armor made of can rings. It’s probably a mithril...
  • I work in a shop but I often get the feeling that I work in a circus. A 30-year-old woman was once complaining about her meat tasting bad. It turns out that she had soaked the meat in a weak solution of chlorine for 6 hours. Another woman once bought liver and brought it back. She said, “I changed my mind. I don’t need that much. I have cut off the piece that I need — I’d like to return the rest.” Well, the client is always right.
  • Once I decided to sell my shoes and placed an ad in a local forum. A potential client was found quickly — I was happy and ready to make money. But he wrote to me that he wasn’t going to buy them, he just wanted to pay me to let him smell my shoes. How’s that for a niche market!
  • “Can I rearrange the shoes?” Well, sure, if you want... This man has come in 5 times since then to rearrange the shoes in our store. There are some strange people out there, but we are mostly used to them.
  • One woman spent 10 solid minutes trying to pick out the cheapest soap possible. She couldn’t choose between a 10-cent and an 11-cent soap.
  • When we receive goods, they are delivered to a special area and after that loaders bring them to the main warehouse. Once, they were unloading doors and one of our clients decided to steal a door. His plan was simple — to grab the last door left on the ground and run away as fast as he could. He waited until one door was left, grabbed it, and ran downstairs. What he didn’t expect is another loader on his way upstairs. The thief bumped into the loader, fell down the stairs, got bruises all over his body and a broken leg. Logically this should have been the end of the story but wait... The thief tried to insist that it was our store’s fault because the stairway had a curve. Our management still laughs when they remember this story.
  • This is the customer of the month. A very serious but cute, little man named Murzik. He meows very impressively and even brutally. His mom is from Siberia and his dad is a Maine Coon.
  • I work in the department that sells bathroom items. Today we got a client that looked like a real athlete — very serious and fit. He asked me to help him choose accessories for the shower room of his boxing club. We chose everything except for the bath mats. I subtly noticed that he was peeking at a huge bat mat with kittens on it. I asked if he wanted that one, just for laughs.

— No thank you, my friends won’t get it.

A reminder: this man was almost 7 ft tall, with a beard. 20 minutes later, he left the shop with a sad face and without the rug.

I smiled at him and then left to serve other clients. Soon I noticed someone sneaking around and trying to hide from me. I went back to the previous spot to see what was going on and saw this mountain of mountains rushing to the cashier desk with several of the kitten bath mats. It took me a lot of time to explain to my boss why I was rolling on the floor laughing for such long time.

Have you ever encountered strange shoppers? Please share your experience with us in the comments!

Preview photo credit Noromac / imgur
Bright Side/Curiosities/18 Unpredictable Buyers That Made Sellers Laugh Their Heads Off
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