Bright Side

A Guy Refused to Pay for a Girl on a Date, and His Reasoning Raises Crucial Questions

At the beginning of 2019, a Reddit user named CuteBananaMuffin shared his story about a really bad first date. The post attracted a lot of attention from people online. People were divided into 2 groups: there were some who agreed with his decision and others who criticized his behavior. After some time, this viral thread was blocked because of the huge number of very negative comments.

We at Bright Side love dates and we think that there is always a peaceful solution to any problem. This is why this time, we want to figure out who should pay on the first date.

The story that startled the Internet

There are certain signals that indicate that maybe this person is not for you. One of these signals can be the requirement to pay more than $100 for their food on the first date. A Reddit user said that this was exactly what happened during his first date.

After the meeting, the guy asked the girl if she wanted to go out with him again and he got the reply he definitely didn’t expect.

It turned out that the girl needed him to pay for the dinner even though she chose one of the most expensive dishes on the menu.

Her opinion was that men are supposed to always pay for the food in the restaurant no matter how much it costs even though she was the one who chose the restaurant in the first place.

Internet users started a discussion trying to figure out who was right and who was wrong in this situation but they couldn’t agree. And what do psychologists think about the financial side of dates?

Seduction or etiquette rules?

Many people think that paying the bill is a symbol of an invitation from a man and consent from a woman. Psychologist Enrico de Sanctis believes that the value of money increases during a date. He says, “By paying the bill, a man shows his desire to seduce a woman and satisfy her needs. And a woman realizes how much her consent ’costs’ ”.

Etiquette expert Alena Gill says that there has always been the rule of, “You invite, you pay.” This is especially true when it comes to business meetings and lunches: the one who invites someone is the one who pays the bill. It doesn’t matter if the one who invites the other is a man or a woman. But it’s important to take the mentality and traditions of the country into account. In some European countries, people usually pay Dutch even if it’s a romantic date.

Equal rights or a man’s job?

It is also curious that just a couple of years ago, women insisted on paying Dutch. They claimed that this supported the idea of equal rights. Feminist and journalist of The New York Times Maureen Dowd believes that now more and more women are waiting for the first step from men because this indicates that men are interested.

Psychologist Gabriele Traverso thinks that paying the bill in a restaurant has nothing to do with feminism and equal rights. The first date is the moment when a beautiful lady dreams of meeting her knight who will protect her from all life’s problems. So, when a man invites a woman on a first date, it means that this man is ready for some kind of responsibility. When a man suggests paying Dutch, he wants to reconsider the gender roles. He refuses a part of his power and his responsibility.

“A woman should not feel responsible for the evening”

Despite this idea, many women still think that the men who suggest paying Dutch are stingy. They hide their reluctance to pay the bill behind the progressive views and excuses about feminism. In any case, many men know that paying the bill is just something they should do to be polite.

According to psychologist Gabriele Traverso, women are not supposed to feel obliged to pay for dinner. A self-confident man will not be disappointed if nothing else happens after he’s paid for dinner. And women should not feel guilty or obliged about the fact that a man paid for dinner because she has already given him good emotions and her attention.

Despite all this, the question still stands. Today, during the era of feminism, many couples simply pay Dutch even when they are in a relationship. But there are always people who think that a true gentleman is always supposed to pay for dinner. And what if a woman invites a man on a date and chooses the place — should she pay the bill? Share your opinions with us!

Preview photo credit CuteBananaMuffin / Reddit