10 Stories Explaining Why Many Modern Women Don’t Want to Get Married
Many people believe that every girl dreams about finding her prince, getting married and living a long life together. However, nowadays, fewer and fewer women actually want to get married. For example, in Europe from 1965 to 2015, the number of marriages per 1,000 people has decreased from 7.8% to 4.3%. The same tendency is noticed in other parts of the world and every year the number of single women — many of which who live with their partners — is growing.
We at Bright Side decided to find out why modern girls don’t rush to make this choice or don’t want to get married at all. We asked single women we know to tell us their stories.
“My partner and I have been living together for 15 years now. When we met, I was 28 years old and he was 30. And it just so happened that it was our first serious relationship. Neither of us wants to have children, we both love dogs, we are not religious, we choose the same movies and order the same food. When someone asks us why we don’t want to get married, we only say, ’Why?’
We both think that being officially married won’t make us happier and won’t take our relationship to a whole new level. All these years we lived in a rented apartment and recently we’ve bought our own place. It means much more to us than a marriage certificate.”
T., 44 years old
“I’m one of those people who others would call a career woman even though I disagree that I am. I can’t say I have a really big position but my job takes a lot of time which doesn’t stop me from loving. I have a partner I see every weekend (he also works a lot just like I do) and we are both okay with it.
Also, I am sure that a family should have children but I don’t think that a family is a necessary condition for being happy. If I got married I would have to stop working and spend several years of my life on my family. But I’m not really ready for that because this would mean an end to my career and now I have a chance of becoming the head of a huge department. Will I ever get married? I don’t know. If it doesn’t damage my career, why not?”
A., 30 years old
“My story is simple: I want to be free. I want to do what I want, I want to go to the places I want, and I want to be friends with the people I want. My mom tells me that I would have a difficult life when I am old but my father supports me: he says that people should live the lives they want as long as they don’t harm others. When it comes to the future, I prefer to live for today and not think about what will happen tomorrow because in the past 10 years I have lived in 5 cities and I’m not sure that in a month I will still be where I am now. I am a freelancer so I can do that.
Maybe I seem immature but I’m happy. This is what matters the most.”
M., 31 years old
“I was married once. I got married when I was 20 years old just because all my friends did so I thought that if I didn’t get married at that time, I would never be married. I had a good relationship and we even loved each other, we rarely had any arguments. But one day he told me that he had met a different woman at work and fell in love with her. I willingly agreed to get a divorce.
A guy I live with now asked me to be his wife just 2 months after we started our relationship (I think he did that just to show how serious he was) but I said no and suggested living together. I think that on a subconscious level I am scared that my future marriage will end in the same way the first one did. We have been together for 4 years now.”
Е., 28 years old
“Several years ago, I almost got married: there were only 3 weeks left until the wedding. That day, I was supposed to pick up my wedding dress but when I woke up in the morning, I realized that I didn’t want to get married. This thought startled me and I spend 3 hours sitting on my bed only thinking about the fact that I didn’t want to be anybody’s wife. My mom called me and woke me up. I asked her to pick up the dress and do anything to it but not show it to me. Then I called my fiance and told him everything and in a few days, I took a train to a different city.
I still live in that city — I have been here for 12 years now. I am not married, I don’t have a boyfriend and 2 years ago, I adopted a 3-year-old boy. And both of us are happy.”
N., 38 years old
“I am 61 years old and I have never been married. No, I don’t hate men, I was in a relationship and I even have a son. I have been proposed to 3 times but I said no each time. Why? Because I have always valued my freedom and the right to live the way I want. And when I was young, getting married meant becoming a part of your husband — there were a lot of examples of couples like this, including my parents. I had my own apartment and many interesting hobbies — some of which I shared with my son. I always felt like I was self-sufficient.
My son grew up and now lives separately and people I know often ask me if I am okay being alone when I am old. But I don’t feel like I lack something in my life: I have a job I love, hobbies, friends, and I don’t think I would be happier if I lived with a man.”
O., 61 years old
“From 20 to 30 years old I wanted to get married but I didn’t meet anyone suitable for that role. When I was 30 years old, my career had a boost and I just didn’t have enough time for anything else aside from work. Now I am 40 years old and I have my own house and job that brings me a lot of money. I can’t imagine having to share what I worked so hard for or even paying someone else’s debt. In a few years, I am planning to have a child, and if I can’t, I will adopt one.”
S., 39 years old
“For as long as I can remember, I never wanted to get married. When the girls my age played with dolls in strollers and imagined husbands, I read my brother’s books on astronomy and almost burned our apartment down with some chemical experiments.
I finished school, graduated from college, and I still don’t want to get married. I am planning to work in science for my entire life and I hope to get the Nobel Prize one day. Seriously.”
M., 27 years old
“I don’t want to get married just because I don’t want to have children. Of course, I could try to find a man with the same views but it is not that easy. I know women who also don’t want children and they found men who said that they didn’t either. But some time after the wedding, these men started talking about having children and their wives sometimes gave in.
My decision not to have children is well-thought-out and it’s not an impulsive one. And I don’t want people around me convincing me otherwise. It seems to me that many modern men are more interested in having children than women.”
L., 32 years old
“I think that the institution of marriage is a thing of the past. For me, marriage means that women are always in second place (maybe it’s because of the country I grew up in). I cannot imagine being controlled by someone and not living my own life anymore. Despite the fact that now I live in a society where all genders have equal rights, I often see women who have fewer rights in their families than their husbands. My boyfriend and I live separately and we always pay Dutch when we go to the movies or to restaurants. For me, there is nothing worse than being dependent on someone and I always try to avoid this.”
D., 31 years old
What is your attitude toward marriage? Tell us your thoughts down below.