I Am Ready to Honestly Tell You What a Woman at 30, Without a Career, a Husband, and Kids, Feels Like
Hi! My name is Lidia and I started to feel old at the age of 30. Most people think that 30 is a big age for a woman. It’s the age when she should already have a husband and kids. Or at least a successful career. Moreover, they say that health after 30 is not sufficient to live your life to the fullest. And that’s just not true. One can enjoy themselves and their position in life at any age.
Today I want to tell Bright Side readers the story of my 30th birthday and how I managed to overcome the rules imposed by society.
On my birthday-eve
I remember when I attended a special event — and met a famous psychologist. I was the oldest among the visitors. And later I felt like I was the oldest at the concerts I attended or in the courses I took in my spare time. Generally speaking, I started to feel pretty sad on the eve of my 30th birthday. Well, sad is not the right word perhaps — I was crying for 3 days prior to my birthday and 2 weeks after it. I was crying because I believed that this was the end — I hadn’t had children yet, I hadn’t gotten married, I hadn’t built up my career, I couldn’t do anything, while the “female biological clock” was ticking. I didn’t celebrate my 30th birthday — I was too busy crying over my youth that had left me.
All my friends already had husbands and/or kids. Each of them would ask me, “When is it your turn?” or “Isn’t he popping the question?” and tell me that my biological clock was still ticking. And every other one would say, like they were boasting, that “there is nothing to do in the marriage — enjoy your freedom.” This constant reminder that I wasn’t married seemed weird to me.
Many people I knew had also managed to build their career even before the age of 30. They opened their own business, one that they liked and I was gladly watching their success. But I often caught myself thinking, “Why can’t I do the same thing?” However, I didn’t even try. I used to look at all the new start-ups, get angry with myself, and I couldn’t understand, “Who am I going to be when I grow up” when pension is just around the corner?
At the age of 31, for the first time in my life, I decided to get a medical check-up. The diagnosis was unpromising — thyroid cancer and it threw me off completely. I don’t know who I should thank (God, destiny, the Universe, or somebody else) but I was lucky to have found the disease at an early stage and get one of the lightest and treatable forms of cancer.
But if my health had started to go downhill, that means my age was taking over, and I have passed my expiration date. That’s when I started to feel really scared. Not because of the disease, but because of everything that surrounded me and all the thoughts that kept whirling in my head. Everyone knows that all illnesses come from nerves and no one in my life never had any issues with their thyroid or cancer. It means that I have brought myself to the hospital bed by constantly feeling stressed and depressed. It was difficult to accept this.
It was after the surgery when I stopped myself and thought, “What the hell do I keep thinking about and why am I so stuck on my age? Why do I think that career and family are so important for me? My life won’t become better if I keep comparing myself to everyone, and my life is going on and it’s not that bad!” I can’t say that everything in my head changed right away, but eventually, it turned out that it was very easy to let all those “dreams” go. Because those were not my dreams.
All those “you need to build a career,” “you need to build your life,” “you need to have kids” were imposed on me by society, the internet, etc. I don’t have these kinds of wishes! I am an ordinary person! I am not good at doing business, I don’t have that talent. I am not a fan of Steve Jobs or even Elon Musk, I am not the achiever type, which is so trendy now. And that’s normal.
I realized my age has a bunch of advantages. If I had a husband and kid, would I be able to go to Paris, Prague, or my neighboring city whenever I want to? Would I go to my friend’s place in the middle of the night because, “it’s the full moon, it’s beautiful, grab a glass of wine, and let’s go appreciate the sunrise!?” Would I be able to change my job search for the interesting one, that allows me to develop myself?
I could’ve gotten married at 22 — thank God I didn’t. I could’ve gotten married at 27 — thank God 4 times that I didn’t do it. At 28, I met the one I see my future with, not because “it’s time to get married” but because he’s the one. We are happy and we feel good together. And I don’t really care how this relationship will end up. I know that there are plenty of interesting things that lie ahead.
Now I am a little bit over 30. I have a man who I love and a cat. I have never felt this kind of harmony inside before. I know my opportunities, and I understand almost everything about myself and this life. I live only according to my wishes and dreams.
Would I want to go back to the times I was 23, 25, 27? No way! The beginning of my thirties makes me happy with its adequacy and all the colors of life.
The only thing that disappoints me is my backache. I also don’t want to take walks under the moon and stay up till dawn anymore. And I can’t understand one thing — kids. Do I really want to have kids or are those the echoes of other people’s advice in my head? “Everyone needs kids — it’s the main accomplishment of a woman.” My psychotherapist will help me answer this.
Instead of a conclusion
Turning 30 is not as scary as it is depicted. It’s the age when you start to understand many things about yourself and when you know what you want from life. Not having a husband and kids at this age is not the beginning of the end. It’s absolutely normal to be free at any age.
You won’t instantly get wrinkles once you turn 30. Your eyesight won’t change, your hearing will stay as good as it’s always been and your breasts won’t sag down to your bellybutton. Don’t tease yourself about your age — your best age is now! You are as young, beautiful, and interesting as you were at 24, 25, 27, and you’re even better now.
There is no right way to live your life. And no matter how hard your relatives and friends try to impose their opinions on you, a happy life is the one that suits you. And it’s up to you to decide how to deal with your health and time.
Do you agree with the author or do you have a different opinion? We would be glad to hear from you in the comments!