10 Moments of Wisdom That Prove Forgiveness Can Set Heavy Hearts Free

I forgave my former roommates for not paying their share of money that was loaned to us so we could make rent during the recent recession. Jobs were really hard to come by, and as much as I LOATHED doing it month after month, there was a period for almost two years when I was having to beg friends (and one good and generous friend in particular) for money just so my roommates and I could survive.

After my roommates and I parted ways and I got into a stable job, I started paying back the money owed, including debts to the apartment complex for breaking our lease early. All told, the sum was over $14,000, ALL of which I paid myself even though it should’ve been split between me and my three roommates (the debts are now completely settled). I asked them early on if they were going to pitch in, and it became clear that they wouldn’t. Their financial irresponsibility was one of the reasons I stopped living with them, despite the fact that I still love them as friends.

So yeah, I forgave over $3,500 for each of them.

It was my first year teaching when I recognized one of my students’ dads: Rick, the guy who made my life miserable in middle school. I hoped he’d forgotten me. Then I overheard him in the hallway. “She thinks I don’t remember her. She has no idea what’s coming.” I felt sick when another dad said, “Are you sure you want to bring all that up again?” I stayed in my classroom until they left because I didn’t want to face him.

The next morning, he showed up before school and asked if we could talk. He pulled an old folded envelope from his jacket. My name was written on it. “I wrote this years ago,” he said. “I just never knew where to send it.” It was an apology for the things he’d done to me in middle school. He said seeing me again had given him the chance he’d wanted for years, but he’d been afraid approaching me would only bring everything back. “I’m not asking you to forgive me. I just need you to know I remember, and I’m sorry.”

I told him I wasn’t ready to give him my forgiveness, but I appreciated that he finally said it. He nodded, thanked me for listening, and left. I couldn’t forget everything, but at least my heart is at peace now.

My brother borrowed $2000 from me and never paid me back. Every time we argued, I remembered it. Then, years later, he called me late at night. His daughter needed urgent surgery.

It wasn’t anything serious, but he was terrified, and I drove to the hospital. Family is family. While sitting there, I realized something ridiculous. I spent years valuing money more than my relationship with my only brother. He eventually paid me back, but honestly, I didn’t really care about it anymore.

When I was in high school, my dad took my savings for college (what little I had) without letting me know. I thought I still had it up until the time I was preparing to enroll in my first few college classes. He did it because he was about to lose the house. I didn’t know that was about to happen at the time; I only found out after I went to get the money to pay for classes.

I stayed angry for years and distanced myself from my family. It was only a few years ago (several years out of college) that I realized I would have probably been homeless for a little while in high school if he hadn’t used my savings. I still think he should have explained to me at the time (instead of just letting me find out two years later), but I forgave him.

My best friend and I had known each other since we were twelve. She was supposed to be my maid of honor. Then, three days before my wedding, she stopped answering my calls. She didn’t come to the ceremony. I deleted her number.

Almost a decade later, I saw her name on social media. That was how I discovered what had happened. Her younger brother had passed away the night before my wedding. I wrote to her, and we met for coffee.

She spent years dealing with guilt because she couldn’t bring herself to tell me the truth. She believed my wedding should remain happy. I was furious all over again, but then I thought about the loneliness she must have experienced, losing her brother and her best friend almost at the same time. It was different now, but we became friends again.

I worked for a good friend who accused me of overclaiming hours on my time card. I wasn’t making much and if anything, underreported time to be paid. Worst of all, it was like a forty dollar discrepancy. When she confronted me with her “proof,” I gave her all my records and the chance to apologize because she was distracted by some personal/medical issues she had going on at the time. She insisted I was lying. I quit on the spot and we didn’t speak for quite some time.

Years later, we were thrown back together by a common acquaintance. She apologized and told me she was wrong for doubting my integrity, and I forgave her.

My MIL nearly destroyed my wedding. She complained about the venue, criticized my dress. The final argument happened two days before the ceremony. I told my husband I couldn’t take another minute of her interference. He spoke to her. She didn’t attend the rehearsal dinner. Then she arrived late to the wedding and spent most of the evening looking miserable. I decided that was it. I would be polite, but I would never let her get close to me.

Six months later, my FIL passed away unexpectedly. My MIL changed overnight. She became quiet and fragile and barely left the house. One afternoon, my husband asked if I could check on her. I didn’t want to, but I went anyway.

Her house was dark. For the first time, I didn’t see my difficult mother-in-law. I saw a woman lost the person she’d spent decades beside and didn’t know how to handle loneliness. I started visiting once a week. Eventually, she apologized for everything . She admitted she had struggled with the idea of losing her son to another family and said she should’ve shown me more kindness and empathy. I forgave her.

Mom worked constantly when I was growing up. I couldn’t forgive her for missing my birthdays and school events. When I became an adult, I kept my distance. Then I had my own child and understood exhaustion in a completely different way. I understood feeling guilty no matter what you chose. It gave me empathy.

One evening, my mother came to visit. My baby’s been crying for hours, and I was completely overwhelmed. Mom quietly took the baby and started rocking her. We had our first honest conversation in years. She told me she had worked so much because she was terrified we would lose our home. I never knew how serious things had been, I felt so much shame. I finally accepted that my mom was just a flawed human being doing what she believed she had to do.

My partner abandoned me (due to incompatibilities) after five years of dating while I was having major neurological issues which, thankfully, healed over time. But I took it very hard, and she handled the situation incredibly poorly. It was very cold and unexpected at a brutal time in life. I forgave her for it and we are now friends.