7 Psychological Problems Everyone Needs to Deal With Before Having Kids
Psychological problems with self-esteem, career, and even between spouses can greatly affect a newborn, according to a study. So it’s important to deal with all these nuances in your head before having children.
We, at Bright Side, analyzed some of the key psychological problems that it’s better to deal with before becoming a parent and we’re ready to tell you all about them.
1. You already have kids, but still want more.
One woman shared the details of her baby addiction. She already has 5 children and understands that she is too old to give birth to new ones, but can’t stop thinking about it. It turns out that a desire to fill an inner void and loss from an unhappy childhood may be the main reason for this. So wanting more and more children isn’t always good and it can be a problem that needs to be worked through with a specialist.
2. You expect that having a baby will save your relationship.
67% of couples reported a decrease in relationship satisfaction after giving birth to their first child. The decrease usually occurs between 6 months for women and 9 months for men, after the baby appears. So if you’re planning to save the marriage this way, it’s not a good idea.
3. Your career is your main priority.
The workaholism of a parent negatively affects not only the parent themselves, but also their children. They usually become emotionally neglected and made to feel “invisible.” As a result, children can begin to feel guilty and have low self-esteem.
4. You are not satisfied with your own life.
According to Michigan State University, young children learn by copying their parents. This means that your child will be a lot like you, so it’s important to appear before them as a self-confident person with goals and desires. Otherwise, they might mimic your uncertainty in life, which may prevent kids from achieving their goals in the future.
5. You still feel like a child yourself.
Psychologists even have a special term, “infantilism,” that describes a person who mainly acts like a child while being an adult. These people tend to be guided by emotions, and not by their mind. Parenting requires endurance and self-control, and kids tend to copy the behavior of the people around them — for this they need the example of an emotionally stable person.
6. You struggle with stress and anxiety.
This study revealed that parents’ negative emotions may affect their children’s development in a bad way. Experts believe that an especially strong influence occurs in the first year of the baby’s life. As a result, it’s possible that children will acquire the negative behaviors and the negative mood of their parents. So the rule is simple: your happiness will make your child happy.
7. You expect perfection in every aspect of life.
Perfectionism is often caused by a fear of failure, a sense of unworthiness, low self-esteem, and adverse experiences in childhood. Parents should take control of this psychological problem in themselves, because their children sometimes won’t obey them and won’t want to do homework. Just be prepared that sometimes you will have to repeat something several times and wash food off the walls. And that’s okay!
Have you ever struggled with any of the problems mentioned above? Is there anything else you’d include on this list?