11 Reasons Why Most of Us Are Afraid of Falling in Love
Falling in love can be very challenging. Most people speak about how nice it feels to meet someone special, but there are downsides to it too: it requires overcoming some very real fears that we all have.
Here at Bright Side we’ve compiled a few of the reasons that might be holding you back from freely falling in love.
You are afraid of reaching out for help.
Showing that you are vulnerable is hard because most of us assume that others like flawless people. But those mistakes are what makes us who we are. Opening up to your partner about those doubts, past mistakes, or undesired character traits is a great way to consolidate your relationship. You are actually giving your partner the opportunity to help you solve them together.
You can’t imagine being with one person for the rest of your life.
It is certainly difficult to imagine spending the rest of your life with one person, especially nowadays that so many new options are socially acceptable. A study has shown how open relationships are just as satisfying as monogamous ones. Also, a lot of people from our generation have divorced parents, setting a counterexample for what we were taught to expect out of a serious relationship.
You are afraid of repeating past mistakes.
Some people have had rough patches, others not so much. It is difficult to get over emotional baggage and a new partner doesn’t necessarily mean a new start, because you might repeat the same mistakes you’ve made in previous relationships. A new partner will certainly not solve all your problems, but they might be able to point out some interesting things that you weren’t aware of.
You are more of a loner.
If you are an introvert you can probably easily relate to this one. Hanging with people, especially in big groups, can be tiring. Falling in love ultimately requires you to spend a lot of time and energy on someone. You’ll be surprised to know, however, that a study has shown that the happiest introverts are those who force themselves to act as extroverts.
You have seen other couples’ relationships go sour and you are afraid it will happen to you.
People change, interests change, sometimes people just grow apart. You’ve seen that happening all around you with friends, family, and coworkers. But falling in love is probably one of the most exciting things a human can do, also because you know that your favorite person in the world might not stick around forever if you don’t work for it. Avoiding taking things for granted and embracing change is a great way to help you leave your comfort zone behind and try new things as well.
You are afraid to lose control.
To love is to sometimes feel happy, but also to sometimes feel angry, sad, or disappointed too. Love has the ability to spark irrational reactions and intense emotions. This can seem scary if you like having things under control. It might also be love’s best asset: through those emotions we might learn who we truly are if we face them instead of repressing them.
You find dating difficult.
Dating can be hard work too and most of the time the results are not worth it. This holds even more if you are a shy person. A lot of people also talk about how dating has become so hard today due to dating apps. Dating has become more of a shopping-like activity focused on broadening the choices of potential partners instead of pivoting on the actual process that might result in a long-lasting relationship.
You are afraid you will idealize your partner.
We are all prone to idealization, but some people are afraid of deepening into the relationship to find out their partner’s bad habits or dislikeable character traits. It can also happen that you idealize someone so much that you create these unrealistically high expectations that no one can meet, which means you will inevitably end up disappointed. The good news is that, according to this study, idealizing your partner can be a good thing if you do it in a healthy way that helps him or her grow.
You are afraid of losing your identity.
It takes a lot of time to build an identity that you’re comfortable with. You’ve probably had to struggle with a lot of insecurities and learn from past mistakes to be where you are at now. Clearly, being with someone can change some of the things that you liked the most about yourself, for better or for worse. But thinking that you might be able to stop yourself from changing is what might be causing this fear. After all, it can happen when you’re single without you even noticing.
You don’t like taking risks, your life is good now.
Love brings change and being single is not necessarily bad. You have worked hard to get a good position at work, you’ve built a solid network of friends, and you have a nice apartment. Those are valuable things that you might lose if you fall into an irrational spiral of emotions. But as the saying goes: If you don’t risk anything you risk more!
You are afraid that others will judge your relationship.
Having to convince other people that you made the right choice can be tiring. Friends and family often have strong opinions because they care about you. What your friends and relatives think can definitely give you some good insight into your relationship, but it shouldn’t replace what you think or feel. After all, only you know your partner well enough to decide.
Have you felt afraid of falling in love? Let us know what your reasons were and how you dealt with it in the comments.
Preview photo credit Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind / Universal
Illustrated by Natalia Okuneva-Rarakina for BrightSide.me