One of the most challenging and emotionally charged decisions a person can face is whether to allow aging parents to move into their home. For many, this decision is loaded with cultural, emotional, and practical implications, and it can also test the boundaries of personal space and financial stability. That’s exactly what’s happening to one particular woman.
I (33F) have been living in my own home for a few years. I bought it with my own money and have worked hard to make it a comfortable and safe place after growing up in a very unstable environment. My parents (60s) have always been terrible with money, constantly making poor financial decisions despite my efforts to help them budget.
I think, I can never earn over which I paid by my precedent employer, but I was wrong, world is so large to try their fate. but now I am making $52/h even more,and easily earn minimum $1300/week, on the experience everyone must try to do work online, easy way to earn, here's an example.
𝐰𝐰𝐰.Richnow05
Recently, they lost their house due to foreclosure. They reached out to me, asking if they could move in temporarily while they get back on their feet. But two additional adults would really stretch the limits of my house, and I value my privacy and independence.
More importantly, my parents have a history of being overbearing and disrespecting my boundaries. The last time my parents stayed with me, they criticized everything about my lifestyle, rearranged furniture without asking, and even got into an argument with one of my neighbors.
I offered to help them find an affordable rental and even offered to pay their first month of rent. I also found government assistance programs they can apply for. They refused, saying that family should stick together and that it was my duty to help them in their time of need.
My siblings are divided — my older brother thinks I’m heartless, while my younger sister understands my concerns. Both of them live in smaller apartments, so they do not have the option to host my parents.
My parents have been guilt-tripping me, saying they took care of me growing up, and now it’s my turn to take care of them. My parents are now telling extended family that I’m abandoning them, and I am getting messages from relatives. It’s making me second-guess my decision, even though I know my mental health would suffer if they moved in.
You did not chose to be borne, they brought you into the world, so you owe them nothing. I'm 75 years old and I think emotional blackmail is one of the worst things ever. I hope you can resolve this but whatever you decide is your choice and not anyone else's
Was I wrong for refusing to let my parents move in with me after they lost their house? Should I be more willing to accommodate them, or am I right to stick to my own well-being and boundaries? I’m feeling very conflicted and could use some outside perspective.
You have given them several options for accommodation, but they have refused. What they are after is to live for free and once they have moved in with you, you will never get rid of them. If other relatives etc. think you are "heartless" then they are welcome to open their doors to them..
Stand your ground and don't let them run you over with their fuss about having raised you etc.
It was your parent's jobs to provide a stable home for you and your other siblings, though it wasn't a very good one. They've always caused you stress and don't respect you. All they want to do is make you miserable. They are the ones that are selfish and wrong for the guilt-trips and for criticizing you to your other relatives, and refusing to let you help them out. You don't owe them anything because of their treatment of you.
Navigating the complex waters of familial obligations and personal boundaries is never straightforward. But what parents need to know is that this choice does not diminish love or respect for them; rather, it underscores the necessity of setting boundaries to ensure a healthy, sustainable environment for all involved.
I am a HUGE advocate of putting mental health first, and keeping boundaries. Yes, they are your parents, but in NO way does that make them exempt from those two things.
Don't let them guilt trip you into allowing them to move in with you! You mental health and stability is far more important! The family members that have a lot to say Can take them in! They will become squatters and won't leave!! To refuse your help in helping them out and offering to pay there rent for the 1st month and they turn that down. Well that tells me they're selfish and will make your life miserable!
Would they honor a legally-binding written contract? If not, then just ignore ANYONE who gives you grief about not taking them in. BLOCK anyone (on any social media platform that allows such) who gives you a hard time without having carefully considered your position.
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If you think they would honor a carefully-written and legally enforceable contract, then start listing all the things that would be prohibited should they move in, starting with all the items you already listed. Make sure any contract includes a "catch-all" clause that basically says you are only providing a roof over their head. You are not providing food, clothing, or acceptance of abuse. They can be evicted just like any other deadbeat tenant.
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Ask me some time what my wife and I did when our son turned 18 and decided he no longer wanted to follow our rules :-)
