My Husband Refuses to Send His Mom to a Nursing Home

It’s natural to witness our parents, who nurtured and guided us through life, grow old and require assistance. As the cycle of life unfolds before us, our roles shift — once, we were the dependent infants, and now, it’s our mothers and fathers who need care and support.

In certain cultures, there’s still a stigma attached to the idea of placing our parents in assisted living facilities. Tenny, a devoted wife and mother of two, faced a dilemma. Her mother-in-law is elderly and isolated, and her husband wants her to come live with them. We examined Tenny’s situation, and here’s what we discovered.

Tenny, we appreciate your letter. It’s important to note that our guidance isn’t a substitute for medical advice. Nonetheless, at Bright Side, we scoured the internet to find some valuable suggestions that we believe might assist you and your husband in making a decision that enhances the well-being of everyone involved.

• Dementia is a condition where cognitive abilities decline more than what’s expected from natural aging. There are 55 million individuals worldwide dealing with dementia, and approximately 10 million new cases arise every year.
• Consider if taking care of an elderly family member is a challenge you and your husband can effectively manage, as it can be akin to a full-time job. In 2019, family and friends spent an average of 5 hours each day caring for individuals with dementia. Furthermore, experts caution that compassionate caregivers can become overwhelmed without proper assistance.
• Studies indicate that a strong caregiver relationship may offer more benefits than medications for loved ones coping with dementia.

• Offer your mother-in-law the opportunity to make the choice. Inquire about her preferences and desires. Understanding her needs and wishes will aid in making a decision that benefits both you and your mother-in-law. A person with dementia who is compelled to relocate won’t adapt as easily as someone with a say in the decision.
• If you and your husband opt to have your mother-in-law live with you, it’s essential to be aware that the best time to make this move is when her condition is relatively stable. As dementia advances, it becomes more challenging for individuals to adapt to new surroundings.

Assess what you and your husband can provide in terms of elderly care:

• Understand Your MIL’s Needs: Familiarize yourself with your mother-in-law’s current condition. Consult with her GP to gain a better understanding of the required level of care while keeping in mind that it may increase over time.
• Plan for the Future: Consider if this caregiving responsibility can seamlessly fit into both of your schedules. If there are doubts, it’s a good idea to explore the possibility of seeking external assistance.
• Make a Choice: In the initial stages, your mother-in-law may be more self-reliant, but as time passes, she might require help with daily activities such as walking, bathing, and dressing. Discuss with your husband whether he is prepared for the long-term commitment. If not, explore alternatives like in-home care or an assisted living facility.

Sometimes, certain aspects involving our in-laws can become tricky. Here, another Bright Side reader reached out to us, seeking advice about her mother-in-law, who had requested money to babysit her grandchild. Take a look at what we advised her.