Before Breaking Up Your Relationship Ask Yourself 7 Important Questions
A year after divorce, a woman’s quality of life decreases by 73%, and a man’s — by 42%. That’s why psychologists recommend not making decisions in the heat of the moment, especially if you want to leave your partner. Ask youself a few questions first and think everything over thoroughly.
Everyone sooner or later encounters a situation where they have to make a hard choice — like to save a relationship hoping that it will go back to normal, or to break up.
Psychologists don’t recommend leaving a partner who you really love, but there’s no point in clinging to the “OK-but-not-great” relationships that oppress you. It’s important to make a decision that you won’t be sorry about in future.
We at Bright Side suggest you ask yourself these questions. They will help you have a look at your relationships with your partner from a different perspective.
1. Do these relationships help to bring out the best in me?
Do you feel that you are the best version of yourself now? In normal relationships, a partner usually supports, encourages, and admires when the other partner achieves new things, he/she also encourages self-development, and encourages new hobbies in the other partner.
On the other hand, if you feel that your partner pulls you down and prevents you from developing at your chosen pace, then that’s a reason to think things over. Your discontent with each other will probably only increase in future.
2. Do we have common goals and plans for the future?
This is a very important thing. If you want to live a life full of traveling, parties with friends, adventures, and bright moments, and your partner is a homebody and an introvert, then you’d probably have conflicts because of this.
The plans regarding family, work, etc. are no less important. If you believe that you need to build a successful career first and then make plans to have children while your partner supports you, that’s great. Common plans and views will minimize your arguments.
3. Do we speak with each other?
We are all adults who have our own interests and responsibilities outside of our relationships. But nothing should be more important than love. Sometimes, it can happen that the problems become bigger than the relationship and our talks with each other. But this should never be a regular thing.
On the other hand, if you feel that you are always number two to your partner, and he/she is not interested in your life while you treat him/her in the same way, then, maybe, you simply don’t need this relationship.
4. Do I feel happy or upset most of the time?
This criteria helps you look at your relationships clearly. If you have insignificant problems but most of the time you feel comfortable, peaceful, and warm by your partner’s side, then that’s a good sign.
On the other hand, it can happen that partners have almost no problems but they feel upset and unhappy with each other. This is a signal that should never be ignored.
5. Do we both make compromises?
Any relationship is impossible without compromises, because you are two different people and your views cannot coincide all the time.
If you feel that you often have to sacrifice your interests for the sake of your partner, then that’s a bad sign. These relationships have no future.
6. Why do I want to break up with this person?
Sometimes, it’s hard to formulate the reasons for your unhappiness in your relationships, but if we say them out loud, we may feel awkward. Like, am I going to break up with a person so dear to me because of such a silly thing?
Try to identify those reasons for yourself. Figure out whether they are serious and whether you can change the situation if you both apply effort. Only after that should you make your decision.
7. Will my life be better if we break up?
Imagine your life without this partner in a few years. What do you feel? If you know that you’ll definitely be happier than now, make your move despite all the difficulties. Money and stability are important, but they can’t be the reason for you to stay with a person who doesn’t love you. Spend time sorting these questions out before you break up.
But if your life without this person will become gray and dull, then you probably have to work on your relationship and not to make rash decisions caused by rapid emotions.
Which questions would you add to this list?
Illustrator Natalia Kulakova for BrightSide.me