12 Real Acts of Self-Care Ahead of the Winter Holidays: Aging Parents, a Nursing Home and a Stranger Who Helped a Teenage Girl Through Her First Menstruation

My daughter got her first period on a plane. She came back from the WC, shaking. “Mama, my belly hurts and there was —” She didn’t finish her words when a man from 13C said, “Can you stop? I’m a man and I don’t want to hear about it!” My husband said to him, “You little man! My daughter is thirteen and she’s scared. Please turn around and give us a minute.”

The man went red and faced forward. My daughter pressed her face into my shoulder. Before I could even say anything, a woman across the aisle was already unzipping her purse. “I’ve got what you need, sweetheart,” she said. She slid a pad into my hand, and a lady two rows back passed up a gray sweatshirt to tie around her waist. The flight attendant came running, took one look and set us up in an empty row in the back, with a cup of hot water wrapped in napkins “to hold on your tummy” and a ginger ale.

I told my daughter there was nothing to be ashamed of, and I meant every word. She took the sweatshirt, the pad and the ginger ale into the bathroom and came out standing a little taller. When we landed, the man from 13C was waiting by the galley. “I grew up with 4 brothers,” he told my husband. “I panicked, and I’m sorry.” He turned to my daughter. “That was rude, and I apologize.” She said, “It’s okay,” in a very small voice. Then she asked if she could keep the sweatshirt. The woman who’d lent it said she’d have to, since it wouldn’t fit her anyway.

• I was 12 and alone at the pharmacy when my first period started. I’d read about it, but nothing prepares you for standing in an aisle of 40 kinds of pads with $4 in your pocket and your face on fire. A woman about my mom’s age saw me staring at the shelf and didn’t say a word until she was next to me. “First one?” she asked. I nodded.
  She pulled the right box off the shelf, told me which one to try, and walked me to the bathroom door, where she handed me a bar of chocolate from her purse. She said, “You should absolutely have this after a day like today.” She waited outside until I came out, and then she left before I could even say thank you. I hand out the same chocolate to girls at my school now. I’m a school nurse.

• My mom is 79 and volunteers at the library’s used book sale. An eight-year-old boy sat on the floor with piles of books, going through them one by one. She pulled a dollar out of her purse, handed it over and said, “Promise me you’ll keep reading.” He stood straight up and promised. She came home that night and told me she’d been so happy she didn’t need her cane on the walk back to the car. She told me the boy reminded her of me.

• We used to take our baby to the Chinese restaurant on Fridays and the waitresses always scooped her up the second the food came. They’d walk her around, sing to her and show her off to other tables so my husband and I could eat a hot meal. It was the only time I ate anything hot that year.
  Last Friday I took my mom there, who is in a wheelchair now, and the same waitress came over, tucked a blanket around Mom’s lap, and cut up her egg roll without being asked. My mom ate a whole plate. She said it was the first time she’d finished a meal all month.

• My dad never finished high school. At 71, he works part-time at a grocery store, and last spring the manager asked why he’d never gotten his GED. Dad explained. The manager offered to pay the $50 test fee, with one rule: if he passed, he owed nothing, and if he failed, he’d pay it back.
  Dad studied at the kitchen table every night for 6 weeks. He passed on the first try and cried in the parking lot, and we all went to dinner the week before Christmas. I can’t thank that manager enough.

• I took my toddler to see my grandma at her nursing home during the holiday visiting hours. He melted down by the lobby gumball machine because we didn’t have a quarter, and I was digging through my purse with the baby on my hip.
  An old man in a cardigan reached over, took the baby from me, and held out a handful of change. My son got his gumball and the old man got baby kisses. I took one deep breath, the first of the day. Now I always carry quarters in case I’m ever the one in the cardigan.

• After every visit with my mom at the nursing home last winter, I sat on the bench outside and cried for ten minutes. One afternoon, a well-dressed older woman walking past stopped, got on her knees, and hugged me. Her husband, standing behind her, kept saying, “Honey, we’re going to be late.” She gave him a long, flat look and kept hugging me.
  I don’t know her name. I take that bench every Sunday, and now I take a thermos so I can sit for longer.

• My mom is 84, and her nursing home activity director runs a trivia hour on Mondays. One week the question was which 80s cartoon had cars made of plants, and mom was the only one who knew it was Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors. She hadn’t spoken in the group for months.
  The director came by after, pressed a $20 bill into mom’s hand from her own pocket for “winning,” and told her she was the best player they had. Mom framed the bill. She’s been going to every trivia hour since.

• I was flying home to see my parents in assisted living for the holidays, with a short layover in Atlanta and about 8 minutes to catch my connection. I got on the train between terminals, had my earbuds in, and never heard the automated voice telling everyone to hold on. The train lurched forward and, before I could fall flat on my back, a man standing next to me grabbed my arm. I thanked him and he just nodded.
  That was nine years ago and I’m still thankful. I made my connection, and I always hold the rail now.

• In 8th grade, the week before winter break, the driver wouldn’t let me on my school bus. They’d moved my stop to a different route and I’d missed the notice. I stood on the curb at 7am in the dark, trying to stay quiet and crying anyway.
  An older woman who’d just dropped off her grandkids walked over and said, “Honey, do you want a ride home?” I recognized her from the block, which is the only reason I said yes. We talked about the cold the whole way, and she let me off right in front of my house and waited until I got inside.
  My mom called the school that afternoon and got it sorted. I never got her name. When I’m having a bad morning now, I let myself cry first, then ask for help.