In family dynamics, navigating the balance between responsibilities and fairness can be tricky, especially when it comes to financial contributions. Our reader's story sheds light on a unique situation where she decided to charge her husband's ex-wife for babysitting their kids. This unexpected move raises important questions about the role of payments and boundaries within blended families.
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Amanda, a successful executive, rarely spends time with her children, leaving Sarah to fill in without offering help or even a “Thank You”. Though Sarah works from home, she never agreed to be a full-time babysitter.
The final straw came after a long, stressful workday, where she hadn’t even eaten because she was busy with the kids. It was 9 p.m., and as she sat down to dinner, Sarah realized just how much she’d been taken advantage of. She hadn’t married Jake to be a free babysitter for his ex-wife.
A few days later, Amanda called Sarah, and to her surprise, agreed without argument. She even apologized and asked for Sarah’s PayPal to start paying her, offering to hire a sitter if things got overwhelming.
Sarah had expected a fight, but both Jake and Amanda acted like adults. Now, she’s $25 an hour richer and has the freedom to say "no" when she wants. Not the outcome she expected, but she wasn’t complaining!
Navigating the world of family babysitting often raises the question of whether payment should be offered. Etiquette expert Lizzie Post, co-president of the Emily Post Institute and co-author of Emily Post's Etiquette, The Centennial Edition, provides guidance on this topic.
Post acknowledges that while free babysitting can be a significant help for young families, it’s important to recognize that not everyone can afford to do it. She personally finds babysitting her nieces and nephews enjoyable and doesn’t charge for it, but she prefers taking them out for fun rather than staying at home with them.
"It depends on what works for you and your family," she says. She doesn’t talk about when babysitting becomes a full-time job, but it happens from time to time. When it becomes a job, it’s normal to ask for money for it.
DO: If you can afford it, consider offering compensation or reimbursement comparable to what you’d pay any other sitter. According to Post, the pleasure of babysitting shouldn’t necessarily lead to a discount. “Offer what you feel comfortable paying and allow family members to express any concerns,” she suggests. Negotiation is perfectly acceptable.
If a competitive hourly rate is beyond your means, think of alternatives such as a $50 gift certificate or covering meals during the babysitting time. If neither option works, be honest about your financial situation and express your need for help. Always show appreciation by making the babysitting experience as easy as possible. Provide your kids with food, snacks, diapers, toys, and planned activities to support the babysitter.
DON’T: Feel obligated to reimburse family members for extra costs they incur, such as meals or outings. “It’s on them,” Post advises. To avoid misunderstandings, discuss any additional expenses ahead of time or offer cash in advance if needed.
Here you can find more curious stories about babysitting.
