I Refuse to Obey My Vegan DIL’s Demand to Ban Meat From the House I Own

When it comes to in-laws, it might be hard to keep up with things like dietary requirements. But when our food is made with love and our relationships are respected, every family gathering should go off without a hitch. One of our readers experienced something completely different.

Mandy shared her story with us.

Dear Bright Side,

I have always been the type to take care of everyone’s dietary needs, especially when it came to family gatherings. And at my most recent gathering, it was not different. I had invited 20 family members over for dinner and requested that they all share their dietary restrictions with me.

Some informed me that they were gluten intolerant. Others mentioned that they were vegetarian, and some, including my DIL, informed me that they were vegan. There were even some who were lactose intolerant. But there were some who didn’t have any requirements at all.

So I spent two weeks planning and hand-picking dishes that would meet everyone’s needs. I even had labels printed with the ingredients, so everyone would know what they were dishing when they got there. Then I sorted the dishes per category.

When the big day came, everyone seemed happy. I had people complimenting my efforts and thanking me for the effort I put in to ensure they didn’t accidentally eat something that was against their restrictions.

But my DIL had seemed upset the entire evening and refused to eat anything. When I asked if she was okay, she got up in front of the entire family and said, “I can’t believe that you didn’t take my dietary requirements seriously.”

I was shocked and showed her the section for the vegans. She looked at the table and swiped her arms across it, sending the dishes crashing to the ground, and said, “If you want to accommodate a vegan, you shouldn’t serve meat at all. It’s insensitive and disrespectful. Actually, you should just ban meat from your house entirely.”

I stood there, not knowing what to say. She stormed out shortly after that, and my son helped me clean up. I asked him what I should’ve done differently, but he told me to just leave it. His wife was determined to change their entire household, and she expected me to do the same.

I told him that I’m happy to accommodate her needs, but I wasn’t banning meat from my house or making my guests uncomfortable because of her. But she had already ruined my dinner. My guests started apologizing and leaving, and I’m not sure if they’ll come back.

My DIL called a few days later and said she wouldn’t come back to my house if I didn’t remove all non-vegan products. I told her she was welcome any time, but I refuse to change my life to fit her requirements.

So Bright Side, was I wrong? Should I just give her what she wants to keep the relationship I have with my son? Or should I stand my ground?

Regards,
Mandy V.

Thank you for reaching out to us, Mandy. We understand how difficult this situation must be so we’ve put together a few tips that might be helpful.

Stop playing “family chef” and make it a collaborative event.

You’ve proven you can pull off an impressive, well-organized dinner, but it sounds like your DIL sees food as a battleground. Next time, flip the script. Instead of cooking everything yourself, ask each person to bring one dish that fits their own dietary needs. You’ll still be the host, but the responsibility won’t all fall on you. It also forces your DIL to put her actions where her beliefs are. She can’t demand you remove meat if she’s responsible for her own plate.

Reclaim the narrative with a touch of humor.

The dinner ended with you shocked, apologizing, and guests leaving awkwardly. That gives your DIL all the power. Next time, lighten the air for yourself and others by using humor when she goes too extreme. If she says “ban meat entirely,” you could calmly reply, “Well, then I’d have to ban my brother too, he’s practically 50% steak at this point.” It defuses tension and shows everyone else you’re not ashamed of your choices.

Protect the spirit of your gatherings, not the menu.

You clearly love hosting. If your DIL refuses to participate unless everyone bends to her rules, consider shifting some gatherings away from your home to neutral places, picnics in a park, a potluck at a community hall, or even rotating homes. That way, her restrictions only control her household, not yours, while you keep the family traditions alive.

Mandy’s situation is a tough one, but there are ways for her to avoid further drama. She isn’t the only one who is struggling with a difficult DIL, though.

One of our other readers reached out. This is her story: My DIL Cut Me Out of the Family Trip—But I Wasn’t Going Quietly.