My DIL Refused to Start a Family, and I Couldn’t Watch Our Family Line End

2 months ago

Family legacies are often sustained with pride and anticipation, each generation carrying forward the dreams and traditions of those who came before. Yet, what happens when the next generation refuses to take on this mantle? This was the dilemma one mother-in-law faced with her daughter-in-law.

This is her story.

“I’ve always dreamed of being a grandma. It just felt like the next thing. I wanted to see my son having kids, carrying on the family, just the way it was supposed to go. But that didn’t come true. My DIL told us she doesn’t want children.

She says she wants to live her life freely, travel, and not be tied down. And she’s even getting a sterilization procedure. Now, I respect her choices, I do, but that just doesn’t sit right with me. I know my son. I know he loves kids, and I think he’d be an amazing father. I honestly believe he just needs a little nudge, someone to help him see it.”

“I can’t stand the idea of him never getting to experience fatherhood, or of our family line ending with him. So, to fix this, I adopted a little girl. I hoped that maybe seeing her would soften their hearts. I thought they’d understand what they were giving up. But no, their hearts are like stone.

All I see is how it could be when I look at my daughter, my son, and his wife. I did all this thinking it was the best thing for our family. But now, they still don’t want to have children. And I’m too old to be mothering. If my DIL weren’t so selfish, I wouldn’t have a toddler daughter right now.”

Thank you to our reader for her story. Here is what we suggest to move on from this situation.

You can’t ’fix’ their life.

Cheryl Cadwell

6 days ago

What you did is CHILD ABUSE! Who the hell do you think you are? Is your family bloodline so special that it can cure cancer? Can it stop bigotry, hunger and homelessness? You have guaranteed the child you "adopted" will grow up knowing that she was a pawn and is now an UNWANTED PAWN. You deserve NO COMPASSION, NO UNDERSTANDING, NO FORGIVENESS AND NO LOVE. You are the epitome of garbage and you belong at the dumps. I pray that someone else rescues that child and that your son never thinks about you again.

Stephanie R.

week ago

If you weren't so selfish, you wouldn't have a toddler daughter. WTH is wrong with you?? You don't adopt someone to teach someone else a lesson! Ok, they don't want kids, at least they are wise enough to acknowledge maybe they shouldn't be parents. You aren't. I feel so sorry for that lovely baby girl. You're a mega ass. Put her back for adoption before you seriously screw up her poor brain. Hopefully this is fixable and by the grace of God if she's young enough she will forget you. Take your dream of being a grandma and be a grandma to your son and daughter in law. Focus your energy on continuing caring for them when you see fit and how you see fit. Since they are adults they can deal if you decide you don't want to do anything.

You looked at your son and his wife and saw a problem that you thought you could fix. But their marriage, their life goals, and their personal choices are their own. They are not broken things for you to repair. The more energy you spend wishing they were different, the more resentful you will become. Think about redirecting all of it. Instead of focusing on the family they’re “supposed” to be, focus on the family you are right now.

Do not live in the future.

It’s okay to be sad. You had a very specific dream of being a grandmother to your son’s biological children. You pictured holidays, birthdays, and a certain kind of family life. That dream didn’t come true, and it is a loss. Acknowledging that grief allows you to separate it from the child you have now. Your new daughter shouldn’t have to carry the weight of a dream she was never meant to fulfill. Love what you have: your son, your daughter-in-law, and your daughter who needs you to see her for exactly who they are.

Navigating the complexities of family expectations and personal desires is never straightforward, even for celebrities with so-called ’perfect’ lives. Here is a list of Famous Celebrities That Decided to Leave Their Kids Without a Legacy.

Comments

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Sarah

2 months ago

I've read and heard a lot of outlandish statements, but this one is right up there at the top. If YOU weren't so selfish, entitled, and passive aggressive you wouldn't have a toddler daughter right now. You were willing to use the life and circumstances of a child in need to try to get your way. I wouldn't trust my children with a grandmother like you and if I was sitting in the fence about even having kids in the first place, your actions would go in the Cons column.

Moonie

2 months ago

So you adopted a kid hoping to manipulate your son and dil into having kids. I feel sorry for that kid who got caught in your scheme. She deserves better. Make peace with your family before it’s too late.

Lady

month ago

Wow...manipulation at its peak. You are a very selfish woman, using a child as a tactic. Your DIL AND SON both told you they did nit want children, and you played Mommy Knows Best. Enjoy car lines and macaroni necklaces all over again. Stpp meddling in thier marriage. They are adults.