My Husband Asked for a Paternity Test, I Have Every Right to Be Offended

We’ve been told that usually children resemble both their parents or at least one of them. However, genetics don’t always work this way, and kids can end up looking nothing like any of their parents. This man was so astonished by the look of his child that he demanded to take a paternity test. Let’s see what happened and how his wife handled the situation.

He wanted a paternity test.

My (31F) husband (32M) just mentioned that he’s keen on getting a paternity test for our 3-week-old baby girl. His reasoning is that our daughter has darker hair than him (he has brown hair, I’m white blonde). I’m a little confused, as she hardly has any bloody hair, and this just feels like he’s accusing me of infidelity!

I actually thought he was joking initially.

The conversation went as follows:

He said, “Her hair is really dark.” So I said, “Yeah, it is,” even though it isn’t darker than his. He then mentioned getting the test. It was completely out of the blue. I initially said that he should go for it, as I wasn’t thinking. But, now I’ve had some time to reflect, I’m really not happy about it.

If he wants to get the test, fine by me, BUT it just feels like he doesn’t trust me. Am I overthinking this?! He has no reason to think like this. He even went as far as to say, “If she wasn’t mine biologically, she’d still be my girl.” That statement just pissed me off, and I’ve said nothing to him since.

People in the comments went off.

• When our second child looked vastly different from our first, my husband doubted the hospital staff. He insisted for weeks that the hospital switched our baby with someone else’s. He never once accused me of cheating. I am only saying this to show that’s where his mind is, and the doubting of looks doesn’t cause someone to automatically jump to cheating conclusions. @Professional-Tie4009 / Reddit
  That is what annoys me the most. 18 months ago, I quit my job and moved to a different country for him to further his career. I’ve given him a second beautiful girl. And he says this thing. @ThrowRA_lbf / Reddit
• Tell him he can have his paternity test, but the result will be you filing for divorce no matter what the results are. You can’t live with someone who believes that you are a liar and a cheater. Either he believes that you are not cheating on him and to let it go, or the trust is shattered in your relationship. He gets to pick one. @Dry_Prompt3182 / Reddit
• There was one where the dad asked for a paternity test, the baby looked nothing like either of them. He was NOT the father, she was NOT the mother. The baby they had was switched at birth. @TranslatorWaste7011 / Reddit
• It’s bad enough he’s accusing you of cheating. I’m really wondering right now if he’s having his own affair. People always accuse others of doing bad stuff they are doing. They think everyone is a morally bankrupt as they are. @Aylauria / Reddit
• All of my children were born with loads of jet black hair. Neither their father nor I have black hair. Two of my children now have light brown hair, two are blonde.
  There’s absolutely no doubt at all that my husband is the father of my children, as they share very obvious genetic traits. However, if I’d been asked for a paternity test for any of my children, he’d have been shown the door. That’s a massive level of distrust. @Madwife2009 / Reddit

The latest updates

Essentially, I said to my husband how disappointed I was in him for even bringing this up and how I felt pretty angry about the indirect accusation. He told me he was “joking” about it all, so I had to tell him that accusing someone of infidelity really isn’t funny in the slightest. Duh. It seems as though this question has come from a place of insecurity on his part, not projection. I’m truly satisfied with this.

I’ve suggested we go forward with counselling, and he is keen to engage with this. Also, I have said to him that I’m happy for him to get a paternity test if it’s going to put his mind at ease but if he does go ahead with getting the test, he owes me. I’ve still to think of a suitable “price”. Potentially a few months of doing our eldest’s school runs or something...all suggestions accepted! Thanks all.

Men requesting or demanding paternity tests are unfortunately not rare. It’s something that happens quite often, like this dad threatening his wife with divorce if she didn’t comply.