My Husband’s Been Spending Our Savings Behind My Back and I’m Putting a Stop to It

Of all the nuances of married life, the management of household finances is a fundamental pillar of the family’s balance and security. However, when this delicate balance is threatened, profound conflicts can arise. Such is the story of the protagonist of our article, who finds herself caught in a distressing dilemma: her husband is spending the family’s savings for purposes of which she does not approve, and this has jeopardized the financial stability they have painstakingly built up.

“My husband and I have been together for over nine years, and it never occurred to me to separate our finances until last year. I have always been the saver and he, the spender. At first, it didn’t bother me because we had two incomes. We weren’t rich, but we lived comfortably.

A few years ago, my husband had a serious car accident, and he can no longer work now, so I became the sole breadwinner. He now receives a disability pension, but the process to get it took four years. During that time, we reduced our savings to zero, we almost lost everything and our debts increased.”

“When he received the payment he was owed, I only asked him to pay his car loan and to save a part of it. He did neither. Instead, he spent all that money, and I was unable to pay off any of the debts we had accumulated over the years.

Lately, I have been able to save some money from my salary, but not much, and I plan to pay off some debts once I have enough money saved. He knew I was saving for that.”

“About a month ago, I noticed that more than $700 was missing from our savings, and I asked him what had happened. He told me that he had lent it to his parents. I asked him when they would pay it back because I needed that money, but he wasn’t sure.

I lost it at that moment. He never asked me, we hadn’t talked about it. He did it behind my back because he knew I would get angry and would refuse to lend them our money. We had a big fight and I thought he would stop doing things behind my back after that, but he didn’t.”

“Yesterday I checked my account and another thousand dollars were gone. Where did they go? He gave it to his parents. So, I told him bluntly that from that day onward I would have nothing to do with his side of the family. I’d pay the bills of the house, buy our food and that’s it.

If he wants to lend them all his money, that’s fine, but I’m not going to work 60 hours a week so he can keep giving away our money. I plan to go to the bank and withdraw all the money from my account and open a new one that he can’t access. Am I taking things too far?”

How to keep your household finances

Some simple practices can help to avoid conflict and maintain a harmonious relationship in the management of a couple’s finances. Each of these should be agreed upon in advance by both partners.

• Talk openly about money: Communication is key. Sit down together and talk about your income, expenses, debts, and financial goals. Being honest and transparent will help avoid misunderstandings and build trust.
• Set a budget together: Creating a budget as a couple allows both of you to be clear about how much money is coming in and going out each month. Be involved in this process and decide together how to allocate resources so that you are comfortable with the decisions made.
• Define common financial goals: Having shared goals, such as saving for a house, a holiday, or your children’s education, can bring you together and give you a reason to work as a team. Celebrating financial achievements together also strengthens the relationship.
• Review finances regularly: Have regular financial reviews, either monthly or quarterly. This will allow you to adjust the budget, discuss any major changes, and make sure you are both aware of the household’s financial situation.