My Sister Refuses to Babysit My Kids Despite Our Initial Agreement, and Our Family Is on Her Side

We received a letter from Rebecca, 30, expressing her worries about her younger sister. She wants her sister to honor the agreement they made when her sister agreed to babysit Rebecca’s children but later changes her mind.

The two sisters made a specific agreement that they were expected to uphold.

Rebecca, a 30-year-old, recently shared a family issue involving her 20-year-old sister, Anna, who is currently a university student. Rebecca expressed her frustration, saying, “I allowed my sister Anna to stay with us while she attended university. In exchange, we agreed she’d contribute $500 each month. This covers her living expenses, utilities, and food, which I think is quite reasonable. Additionally, she helps out with household chores and our two kids. We even documented our agreement to avoid any misunderstandings.”

Rebecca elaborated, stating, “Based on my understanding, shared accommodation at Anna’s school costs around $1,200 monthly, only available during the 8 months of school. So, staying with us costs her $6,000 a year, compared to $9,600 for 8 months at school and 4 months with our mom and stepdad. This arrangement worked smoothly for two years. She’s a diligent student and a wonderful person.”

There has been a noticeable strain in the relationship between the sisters.

Rebecca continued her story, expressing, “Recently, Anna and I had a major disagreement where I feel she’s completely in the wrong. Unfortunately, our parents are siding with her, which is frustrating. The issue arose because Anna now has a serious boyfriend, and naturally, she wants to spend more time with him, which I understand. However, she’s also started to complain about babysitting the kids every other Saturday night so my husband and I can have a date night. This caused a significant rift between us.”

Rebecca clarified, stating, “Since we have our agreement and Anna’s still in university, I insisted she stick to it. I even offered to find a babysitter myself, but I made it clear she’d have to cover the cost since she was originally supposed to watch the kids. Now Anna’s upset with me, claiming that paying the babysitter is eating into all her earnings.”

Rebecca is facing criticism from all her family members at the moment.

Rebecca shared, “Anna got really upset with me after I made my suggestion. She felt like I was taking advantage of her. She was furious and declared that she’d rather stay on her university campus next year. I calmly told her that it sounded like a great idea and assured her it wouldn’t be an issue for me. Plus, I mentioned how I’d regain my hobby room once she moved out.”

Rebecca expressed her frustration, saying, “I faced criticism from all sides of my family. My parents phoned me and insisted that Anna shouldn’t be treated like an unpaid nanny. They stressed the importance of sibling support without any financial expectations. My mom even went as far as demanding that Anna live in our house rent-free, claiming I shouldn’t interfere with her finances. Despite explaining our agreement, they remained adamant.”

She continued, “When I mentioned Anna’s plan to move to campus next semester, my mom became furious, threatening to sever ties with me. When I returned home, I found Anna packing without a word about where she’d stay. She accused me of being unfair, arguing that increased expenses and time away from her job and boyfriend were harsh. I’m torn because I believe our agreement was reasonable.”

We’d like to offer you some guidance.

Our suggestion is to seek a compromise that benefits both you and Anna. Instead of making Anna pay the entire babysitting fee, consider splitting it evenly between you both. Alternatively, you could discuss creating a schedule where you take turns watching the kids, ensuring that both of you have time for your personal lives without burdening the other.

We believe that having a calm conversation with Anna and finding a solution that works for both of you is achievable. We hope that you can resolve this issue without causing further strain on your family relationships.

It’s important to offer Anna a sincere apology for any distress your disagreement may have caused her. Exploring alternative solutions together is key. Remember, you’re family, and supporting each other is crucial, even during tough times. Money and childcare can be tricky topics, leading to misunderstandings, but it’s essential to address them openly.

Regarding your family’s involvement, it’s vital to communicate that you intend to reconcile with Anna and establish clear boundaries. Don’t allow others to pressure you into actions you’re not comfortable with. Your decisions should be based on what’s best for you and Anna, not on external influences.

It’s tough when someone we trust and care about deeply ends up hurting us deeply. Recently, a woman opened up about her painful experience when her best friend of 20 years broke her trust and caused embarrassment for her and her husband.