7 Situations in a Relationship Where Lying Is Not a Sin
According to research, telling “white lies” can actually help build trust in a relationship. Scientists say that people would very often prefer you to have good intentions and lie, rather than to hear you tell the truth for its own sake. This means that when you want to protect your partner’s feelings or in some other way benefit them, you are allowed to tell a lie and not feel guilty about it.
Bright Side created a list of situations where lying to your romantic partner can be acceptable and even useful.
1. When you are trapped in an abusive relationship
Abusive relationships have nothing to do with real intimacy or understanding and you should, in this case, make your own safety and well-being a priority. If you are looking for help or trying to make arrangements to leave your abuser, you should be very cautious in order to not provoke further aggression. You may need to lie about your actions, phone calls, and other contacts you have made. Common sense ethics does not work when you are in danger.
2. When your partner asks you about your feelings for other people
You might sometimes want to avoid answering difficult questions from your partner just for the sake of your relationship. Imagine your girlfriend or boyfriend says: Have you ever loved anyone more than me? Do you find him or her attractive? If everything is fine in your relationship and you are not going to break up with your current partner it is better to say “no,” no matter what the truth is. You may have loved someone more in the past and you may sometimes feel attracted to others, but your relationship and your partner’s feelings are way more important than this.
3. When you are breaking up with someone and do not want to add to their pain
Being the initiator of a breakup is never easy and you need to find clever ways to tell your partner it’s over. You do not need your conversation to become a list of complaints and accusations, which may hurt the person you once liked or loved. You can say something like, “It’s not you, it’s me,” or refer to the wrong timing of your relationship. This will help you to preserve respect and dignity and split amicably without guilt and drama.
4. When you want to stop an ongoing fight
When you and your partner cannot agree on something, it causes a lot of tension and stress. You have to weigh your options and think about how important what you’re fighting about is. Do you want peace and healing in your relationship? Then you should probably say you are sorry and pretend to accept your partner’s point of view, even if in your heart you feel otherwise.
5. When your partner gives you a bad present or cooks a bad meal
You may prefer politeness over truth in order to not upset your loved one (especially on special occasions). Choosing to be generous and forgiving little mistakes makes relationships better. Next time your wife gives you the wrong shirt for your birthday or your husband’s cooking for your anniversary is not yummy enough, pretend to like it anyway. Your partner invested time, effort, and money to make you feel good, so don’t ruin it for them.
6. When you want to cancel a date without a good reason
You’re in a new relationship, but you are just not in the mood for a date or you want to go out with friends instead? It can be difficult to admit this because the truth may hurt your date’s feelings. In this case, it is better to invent a credible reason to cancel the date, like having to stay late at work. Sometimes, especially in a new relationship, we need some space to deal with our own issues or time to relax and that’s OK.
7. When you do not like your partner’s choice of clothes or their new hairstyle
You are dating a person whose style and appearance you generally like, but one day they just fail to impress you. You could tell them the truth and cause some pain and confusion, or you can keep your thoughts to yourself and treat it as an accident. You cannot control your partner’s style choices, but you can choose wisdom and words of praise and acceptance.
Have you ever lied to your loved one? Do you think it is OK to lie in these situations?