"I'm not attractive," "I can't do it," or "I have failed" are all phrases that are often spoken by people who don't love themselves enough. Psychologists label such behavior toxic because it can not only poison the lives of those who are also insecure, but also everyone around them. This is why a relationship with a toxic person is a real challenge because the partner always has to comfort and inspire them instead of enjoying life.
Here at Bright Side, we decided to figure out why it is so hard to love someone who doesn't love themselves - and now, we know exactly why it's so hard to live with them.
1. They absorb all your emotions and need more.
People who don't love themselves need other people to prove their love for them all the time. They see a hidden catch in every word, every look, and every action. This is not a bad temper: it's just really hard for an insecure person to understand whether someone is being sincere or not. It's very hard to communicate with a person who always sees only the bad things in life.
2. They talk only about themselves and their feelings.
Insecure people often combine two opposite traits — they don't like themselves but they are also extremely egoistic. Ideally, a relationship between two people consists of conversations where they are equal. But that isn't always true in this case. They have complexes, which is why they think and talk only about themselves. This type of person can morally drain even the most patient partner.
3. Negative emotions are stronger for them.
An insecure person suspects that they aren't really interesting. But it's very painful to realize such things about yourself which is why they complain about all the things around them. They'll say things like, "Doctors in hospitals are fools," or "the wife of my friend is ugly and stupid." All while they themselves are perfectly fine. That's why their partner has to provide immense support for them in unpleasant surroundings.
4. They may cheat.
People who are really confident don't need other people telling them that they are great. They know that already because confidence is inside them.
It doesn't work the same way with people who are not used to loving and caring about themselves. Their self-esteem really depends on the opinion of others. Doubts about their attractiveness make them look for love somewhere else. Every person that shows them empathy becomes very important in their lives. It's also very easy for them to blame their partner, usually for not giving them enough love.
5. They always have to prove something to the world and themselves.
Experts claim that people who are too critical of themselves are often anxious without any good reason. And they are never satisfied with themselves or other people which causes them to constantly look for a more ideal life including a new job that will be better than the previous one, buy things they don't need or meet new people. It seems that they have to prove to the entire world that they are really not that bad. We don't think that you can have a normal life with such an insecure person like this.
6. They are jealous and they check you.
Jealousy is something that insecure people have. The people who don't love themselves can't really believe that someone else can love them. Sometimes, a relationship can turn into a constant search for deception. This is a really terrible situation because the jealous partner starts intense, unnecessary surveillance. This leaves the risk of living with a real tyrant to be very high. And there is no way you can convince a person that you are not cheating because they simply never believe you.
7. They don't live for today.
Insecure people are often called immature and lazy, but one thing is known for sure: they don't want to be responsible for their own lives, so their partners have to be instead. Their fear of the future won't let them plan their lives and regrets hold them back, standing in the way of living a full life. People like this can't have a normal life.
8. They become dependent.
There is always a void inside an unsatisfied partner. They have no interest in anything that will keep their attention, have no responsibility and they don't care about tomorrow. A partner of an insecure person will try to fill the void with love, ask them for new presents, make promises that they will always be together, give them words of love, and so on. In the end, it makes the couple exhausted because it's impossible to be a good, reliable partner.
Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? Tell us about your experience in the comment section below!
Illustrated by Natalia Breeva for Bright Side
