I Accidentally Found a Letter From My Husband, and I Don’t Know What to Do

According to psychotherapist Esther Perel, people used to file for divorce because they were unhappy. Today, people divorce each other because they could be happier. One of our readers, Liza, was faced with the possibility of having a divorce, and she asked for our help.

Bright Side gathered some tips and tricks that we hope will ease Liza and Dan’s journey toward a happy marriage for both parties involved.

Dear Liza, our team at Bright Side analyzed your situation and we’ve gathered the best advice that we hope will help your marriage thrive.

• Stay calm. Discuss things with your husband. Schedule a date night, get some takeout, and tell him you found his letter. Always give him the benefit of the doubt. As far as we know, he could be writing a book; if he’s going to therapy, chances are high that this letter is part of some sort of healing exercise.
• Wanting a divorce doesn’t always mean it’s the end of a marriage. See this situation as an opportunity to save your marriage and even make it better than it’s ever been.

• If it turns out your husband is serious about the divorce, do not beg or chase him to stay. This might just work to your disadvantage and the pressure might turn him completely off.
• Do not gossip about him behind his back. You might feel like discussing these personal matters with family and friends will help you. Remember, no one is married to you but your husband. You 2 need to work together and try to get to the bottom of this situation.

• If you do need advice from others, getting professional guidance is the way to go. Someone who thinks objectively can play a big part in your journey toward a happy marriage. Consider couple’s therapy in order to reconcile.

A distinguished couples therapist once said, “Today, in the west, most of us are going to have 2 or 3 relationships or marriages. Some of us will do it with the same person.” Liza, in order to overcome this difficult time, ask your husband, “Our first marriage is over. Would you like to create a second one together?”

Do you think overcoming a possible divorce can make a marriage stronger? What do you think is one of the signs that a marriage is going downhill? Let us know in the comments.