Why Strong Chemistry Doesn’t Always Equate to a Lifelong Relationship

A US divorce analysis showed that almost half of couples break up due to unrealistic expectations. Misconceptions can arise because of the active work of hormones in the first period of relationships, or as psychologists say, the period of chemistry. This stage can make people blind, and only when it’s gone will they realize that their partner isn’t as ideal as they thought.

We at Bright Side decided to take a deep dive into the psychology of relationships and find out if there’s any love left after the passion is gone.

Statistics say chemistry in a relationship isn’t about love, it’s about passion and attraction.

During the study, scientists asked more than 300 people to answer the question of what chemistry in a relationship means to them. The results speak for themselves: only 9% of men and women associated this period with “love.” Answers like “biological reactions” and “mutual desire” were given about 3 times more.

You don’t know how you really feel about a person.

As it turns out, we can divide love into 3 distinct stages: lust, attraction, and attachment, according to Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University. The first phase, which we got used to calling “chemistry,” is nothing more than the work of estrogen and androgen, female and male hormones that are based on biological motivation for reproduction.

Afterward, it may turn out that the expectations of both partners were wrong.

Only later, when the hormones have calmed down, will you figure out how you actually feel about each other. You may decide that your partner isn’t as perfect as they seemed at the beginning. Perhaps your partner snores very loudly at night or doesn’t always look fresh and cool. But this doesn’t mean that you have to become demanding or that your partner will become worse.

You can keep the passion going for longer.

It’s possible to keep the passion in a relationship strong, even after the period of chemistry. Try to act like it’s one of your first meetings. Hold hands more often, focus on affectionate touch, and carve out time to spend with your partner — it should be simple but effective.

What do you think is more important in a relationship — passion or mutual understanding and respect?