Being a parent is often called the toughest of all jobs, and like in any other job, there’s space for mistakes. We all make mistakes, but when it comes to parenting, the stakes are high. The wrong things we do or say can backfire when our kids grow into adults. Luckily, family psychologists are always ready to guide us on this treacherous road and help us raise happier children.
Here at Bright Side, we’ve found out which common mistakes parents make when raising their kids, according to experts, and here are 10 of them.
Giving your child space to make decisions and choices can be crucial for their psychological comfort. When we don’t feel in control over our own life, we suffer from stress and anxiety. Try not to force advice your child may not need and don’t limit their choices. Instead, try to encourage them to make their own decisions and be there for your child when they need your guidance.
Being too critical can seriously affect your child’s self-esteem and lead to a situation where they won’t be able to celebrate their achievements and will feel like outsiders. Parenting experts believe that phrases that start with “Why are you so...” or “Why can’t you be more like...” can harm your kid’s psychological comfort in a way that they may need a lot of time to recover.
We learn a great deal of life lessons from making our own mistakes. When we try to shield our children from those mistakes, we rob them of the opportunity to face the consequences of their choices and actions. So, next time you want to prevent your kid from messing up, try to think of the good things that going through this mistake can teach your kid.
When it comes to parenting, listening is one of the most important skills a parent can have. Sometimes, we rush to teach our kids a lesson when something happens, instead of just letting them be heard. Being a good listener for your child is a sign of love and support. Ask questions that start with “what” or “how” instead of “why,” to encourage them tell you more about their problem, and together you’ll manage to find a solution.
Some parents believe that their kid’s childhood should only be fun and they decide to free them from household chores and things like that. In reality, encouraging your kids to do age appropriate chores will help them become responsible adults, according to psychology experts.
Poor grades and problems with behavior at school are not always the result of your child being lazy or unmotivated. Problems with executive functioning and memory and many other aspects of physical and psychological health can be a reason for learning issues, and they shouldn’t be ignored.
It’s pretty normal when parents hope for the best and expect the most from their children, but having expectations that are too high may cause problems, experts say. First, we need to realize that our kids can’t do the best in literally everything they do. Second, instead of pushing them to always be better than others, we should focus on their achievements and help them improve their skills.
Some parents play the good cop, bad cop game and try to be softer or stricter to make up for their partner. In reality, this approach can cause even more problems. In this way you and your partner compromise one another, instead of encouraging your child to try and reach an agreement with both parents.
Letting our children do things on their own is a clue to raising independent and decisive adults. If you are that parent who does a lot for their child, experts suggest trying this method:
When we tell lies, blame others, and play the victim while telling our kids to never do these things, we are being inconsistent. Psychotherapist Sean Grover compares blaming your child for behaving in a way you taught them to “blaming the mirror for your reflection.” Try to be a good role model for your child and be brave enough to admit your own mistakes.
Do you agree with the experts on this list things that parents should avoid doing? What other things can you add to this list?
Although I liked the article, and I pretty much agree with everything that was said. On the other hand it just makes me once again second-guess everything I'm doing and criticize myself for my shortcomings. I feel like it's one more self-help, advice article that in some ways makes me feel like I will never get it right.
Try "Positive Discipline." I found that book and its related titles to be incredibly helpful when my daughter was young.
Just find a book that resonates with you, study it, take notes, do your best to follow it as well as you can, and that's about all you can do. It's okay. You don't have to get it perfect. Kids are amazingly resilient. Just keep trying.
The first picture suggests that offering limited choices isn't a good way to parent. Offering little ones limited choices is a great way to set them up for independence while not overwhelming them with too many options.
One of the things I like about the parenting tips on this here website is that they don't include or even mention spanking. It's actually a breath of fresh air. :) A lot of other websites, especially Facebook, are all like "Spanking your children is unconditionally awesome, and if you don't do it, God will hate you." Which I get the feeling is going to result in some pretty awkward meetings with St. Peter in the afterlife. :P
St. Peter: You're going to hell.
Recently Deceased Guy: What? Why? O.o
St. Peter: Because you did not spank your children.
Recently Deceased Guy: I got caught in a terrible accident that left me unable to move my arms properly.
St. Peter. Well... too bad! :P *pulls trapdoor lever*
Recently Deceased Guy: *says "NO!" like Darth Vader*
I love this website
