A Woman Decided to Not Let Her Mom Meet Her Newborn, and She Is Furious

Family relationships are always complex and the hardest to deal with since we are taught that family is above everything. However, sometimes parents and kids just can’t communicate in a healthy manner, and that usually goes way back to their childhood. So the question is how do we deal with intimidating parents who make demands and expect us to satisfy them? The choice is always very personal and on many occasions, there are hard decisions that need to be made.

A very worried reader of Bright Side contacted us and told us her story about how her mother has made her life hard.

A few colleagues here at Bright Side came together and had a conversation about the issue, and we might have a few words of advise that will ease Felicity’s mind.

Dear Felicity,

First of all, thank you so much for choosing us to share your problem. Your story is quite difficult since your mother seems to be a very complex person that is hard to talk to. Things would be so much easier if you could sit down and talk openly to each other. But the situation is the exact opposite of that, so you will have to take different measures than you already have.

• It seems that she needs you more than you need her: You mentioned that she would always contact you when she needed something. This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care about you, but it’s just her way of communicating with you if you are trying to keep your distance. You might also come out as an independent person who has the ability and willingness to help others and maybe she doesn’t have anyone else who is the same way.
• Your mother is putting you down a lot and that can be due to various reasons. The most possible explanation is because she is envious of you for doing something with your life. That’s why she might feel threatened by your success and, therefore, tries to make you feel lesser than. Remember that she turns to you every time she needs something, so she actually must be thinking very highly of you but resenting you for not needing her too.
• She wants to feel needed by you, but she can see that this is not the case at all. That is a big problem with many mothers when their kids grow older and stop being attached to them 24/7. However, her unpleasant way isn’t going to make things any better. That’s why she chooses to resent you.

• She also shamed you, likely based on your previous experiences. Now, this isn’t something we know, but for your mom to call you “loose” once, something similar must have happened again in the past. She has no right to judge you or your past, and such heavy insinuations shouldn’t be allowed by anyone, not even your mother.
• She is deliberately trying to hurt your feelings. Not only that, but she might actually be seeking these opportunities. She might be doing this out of boredom or because of thrill-seeking.
• You were right to detach from her. Talking things out with someone so domineering will only lead to unpleasant confrontations. So the best thing is to keep them away for a while hoping that they will reconsider their behavior and change it. This is you setting your boundaries and she will have to respect them if she wants to have a relationship with you.
• You have every right to keep your mother from meeting your child. There is no law that gives any rights to grandparents, which means that you, as a parent, can decide on whether they will meet or not. If you feel like your mother’s interference will have a bad effect on your family life, you can keep her away or have limited visitations. You could use a professional mediator in the future if you feel like you can’t communicate with your mother regarding the child.

Did you ever have to keep a grandparent away from your children? If so, what was the reason? How did your parents handle this decision?