I Don’t Want to Pay for My Stepdaughter’s Wedding—That Money Belongs to My Son

Blended families are often a second chance for families to become whole once more. But, in some cases, they end up more broken, especially when money’s involved. In Elijah’s story, his stepdaughter’s need for wedding money spirals into a full-fledged threat from his wife.

This is Elijah’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

I (35M) have always supported my stepdaughter, but when my son got into fishing competitions, I backed his new hobby. My wife said, “Stop wasting our money on your son’s dreams. My daughter needs it more.” My stepdaughter is getting married in a few weeks and she needs extra money to pay for the venue.

But, I didn’t want to pay that amount, simply because my stepdaughter can ask her biological dad for it. He’s already quite wealthy and would do anything for her. But, my wife doesn’t want to take a cent from her ex-husband. I told her she’s not the one using the money, but then she threatened to cancel the wedding entirely if I kept backing paying for my son’s hobby instead of her daughter’s wedding.

She promised to make everyone know how heartless I’d become. I feel like she’s backing me into an unnecessary corner. Why would I prioritize my stepdaughter over my biological son, especially if he’s chasing a passion, while my stepdaughter can easily get her money from other means?

Elijah K.

Your wife needs to understand your financial decisions.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Elijah. Your wife questioning your financial decisions can’t be easy. You’ve always been there for your stepdaughter, and that’s huge. But now it seems like supporting your son is being framed as taking something away from her. That’s a really unfair position to be put in.

You should keep supporting your son.

Backing your son’s fishing hobby isn’t “wasting money.” You’re investing in his passion, his confidence, and your relationship with him. That’s what good dads do! It’s a positive activity, and it’s okay to want that for him. Don’t let your wife make you feel guilty for that.

You’re right. Her dad can lend a helping hand.

If her biological dad is involved, willing, and has the means, it makes complete sense for him to help cover this. Your wife’s refusal to even ask him seems to be more about her own history with him than what’s actually best for her daughter or fair to your household.

About the threat.

Her threatening to cancel the wedding and tell everyone you’re “heartless” is a major red flag. That’s not how partners solve problems. It puts you in a corner where you can’t even have a calm discussion. If she’s unwilling to discuss this fairly, that doesn’t mean you should falter in your decision not to finance her daughter’s wedding.

Your son’s hobby deserves the investment, especially if he’s winning competitions. Meanwhile, some hobbies tend to scream red flag, like these ones here. Someone here doesn’t even have a hobby, which is even more concerning.