I Refuse to Pay Half on a Date—I’m Vegan, I Never Eat Much

The who-pays-on-a-date question gets a whole lot simpler when you realize some people aren’t asking out of genuine confusion—they’re testing whether you’ll let them get away with something ridiculous. When someone knows your dietary restrictions and still picks the most expensive restaurant where you can barely eat anything, that’s not an oversight—it’s a test to see what they can get away with. The moment “let’s split it” becomes code for “subsidize my lobster,” politeness stops being a virtue and starts being a liability.

Claire’s letter:

Hi Bright Side,

I went on a date with a guy who knew I’m vegan. He chose a steakhouse anyway, saying they had “options for everyone.” I tried to be easygoing about it and ordered a $9 side salad since that was literally all I could eat. He ordered a $75 ribeye, lobster tail, and an appetizer I couldn’t even touch.

We had a nice enough conversation, and I didn’t think much about the food situation until the $110 bill came. He looked at it, then looked at me with this smirk and said, “We’re splitting this, right?” I felt my stomach drop. I’d spent $9, and he wanted me to pay $55 for food I couldn’t even eat.

I excused myself to the restroom and found our server. I paid for my salad separately—$12 with tax and tip—and got a receipt. When I came back to the table, I placed the receipt in front of him and said calmly, “I’ve already paid for what I ordered.” Then I walked out while his face turned bright red.

He’s been texting me nonstop, calling me petty and saying I embarrassed him in public. Some of our mutual friends think I overreacted and should’ve just split it to avoid the drama. But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to only pay for what I ate, especially when he deliberately picked a restaurant where I had almost no options. Was I wrong to walk out? How do I handle this situation, and how do I avoid this happening again?

Sincerely,
Claire

Thank you for sharing this, Claire. What happened wasn’t about fairness—it was someone trying to take advantage of you, and you were right to stand up for yourself. We hope this advice helps you feel confident in your decisions and handle similar situations better in the future.

Trust your instincts when something feels off. Your gut told you something was wrong when he suggested splitting a bill that was 90% his order, and you were right to listen. People will often try to make you doubt yourself by calling you “dramatic” or “petty,” but that’s just deflection. When someone deliberately creates an unfair situation and then acts shocked when you don’t go along with it, that’s manipulation. You didn’t overreact—you simply refused to be taken advantage of, and that’s not the same thing.

Suggest restaurants where you actually have options. If someone insists on picking the place, it’s completely reasonable to say, “That restaurant doesn’t really work for me—how about this one instead?” You’re not being difficult by advocating for yourself. A thoughtful person would want you to be able to enjoy the meal too, not just tolerate a side salad. If they push back hard on going somewhere you can actually eat, that’s a red flag about how much they value your comfort and needs.

Pay attention to how someone reacts when told “no”. His response to you setting a boundary tells you everything about his character. Instead of apologizing or acknowledging that the situation was unfair, he attacked you and tried to make you feel guilty. Someone who respects you will hear “no” and either accept it or have a reasonable conversation about it. Someone who blows up your phone, calling you names when you don’t do what they want, is showing you exactly who they are—believe them.

You’re allowed to walk away from uncomfortable situations. Leaving that restaurant wasn’t rude—it was self-respect. You gave him a clear explanation, paid for your portion, and removed yourself from a situation where you weren’t being treated fairly. That’s not embarrassing him; that’s refusing to participate in something that made you uncomfortable. The fact that he felt embarrassed says more about his awareness that he was in the wrong than anything about your behavior.

And if this story resonated with you, you’ll want to read about a woman who learned the hardest lesson about gratitude too late: “I was ashamed my mom cleaned school bathrooms while other parents had ’real jobs.’ She scrubbed toilets to pay for my college. At graduation, I thanked everyone except her. She smiled. After the ceremony, she gave me an envelope and left. Inside was a...” Click here to find out what was in that envelope—and why it changed everything.