Carla was grateful that her mother-in-law helped them buy their house but never wanted to live with her under the same roof. However, when her husband announced that his mother would be moving in, she couldn’t say no immediately. Instead, she informed her mother-in-law of the important rules she needed to follow before moving in with them. Carla didn’t expect this to turn into a family conflict and wrote to Bright Side hoping for advice.
For helping to clean : ok, normal thing i guess but not because you don't like cleaning. She won't clean everything for you. For the spare room : why telling this ? It is ok if she has a room. For the car : you have no right to ask her to sell it. I think you are ungrateful for this third rule. What if she needs to drive your kids for emergency ? Or how is she gonna bring groceries for example ? Of course, your husband is on her side. And you would have been too if he would have did that to your mother. Put you on their place
Thank you, Carla, for opening up about your situation. Managing boundaries with your mother-in-law and preventing conflicts can be challenging. We hope the advice we’ve gathered for you will help you handle this issue smoothly and with minimal stress.
Begin by thanking your mother-in-law sincerely for her important help with buying your house. Let her know how much you value her support and how grateful you are for her contribution.
Then, explain that the rules you’ve set are not about disrespecting her or undervaluing her help. Instead, they’re meant to keep the home organized and comfortable for everyone. Make it clear that these guidelines are about creating a harmonious living environment where everyone’s needs are met fairly.
Sit down with your husband and MIL for an open and honest conversation. Explain your perspective calmly and listen to their concerns. Clear communication can help resolve misunderstandings and build a collaborative approach to living together.
Be flexible with your conditions.
Assess if any conditions can be slightly adjusted without compromising your comfort. For instance, explore alternative parking arrangements for her car. This might involve looking into local parking permits or renting a nearby space, ensuring that all vehicles have a place without overcrowding your garage. Additionally, discuss her comfort needs for the smallest room. Perhaps there are enhancements you can make to the space to improve its comfort, such as adding more storage, upgrading the mattress, or ensuring she has her own space to relax and feel at home.
Establish a routine for regular family meetings to discuss how things are going. These meetings will give everyone a chance to share their thoughts, feelings, and any issues. Checking in weekly or monthly helps keep everyone on the same page and addresses concerns quickly. It also allows for adjustments to living arrangements, chores, and expectations, promoting teamwork and support in the household.
Spend time doing things together with your mother-in-law to build a better relationship. Activities like cooking together or planning family outings can strengthen your bond and help create a more peaceful home.
Set aside a regular time each week for family activities, like watching a movie, playing games, or going for a walk. You can also include her in tasks or hobbies you both enjoy, such as gardening, crafting, or trying new recipes.
Carla felt that she couldn’t directly refuse her mother-in-law’s request to move in. Saying no in family situations can often be challenging, especially when money is involved. Another reader recently reached out and shared her story. She had been saving for years to go on her dream vacation, but suddenly her stepdaughter needed the money instead.
